Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Effort, sloppiness - Outside influences

Oh good! No you didn't sound rude at all...For whatever reason I was thinking I offended you and I reread your post just now and it doesn't sound like that at all...obviously I've been up too long LOL my 11 mo. old son isn't sleeping...literally!

I am shocked that the school was so unsupportive...this is what scares me though supposedly we're in a very highly rated school system...let's hope this is the case.

I've worked in schools from Elementary up to High School and have worked with kids as young as 4 up through the elderly. Schools can really make things so much more difficult than necessary though I know that the people who work there are taxed and have a ton of pressure on them to adhere to the strict policies that are in place for educating children with special needs whether it is in regards to a LD, gifted, or otherwise.

This is a great site for folks...I wish I had know about it sooner...but better now than later. :o)

Thanks. I actually went back and added the part about "I agree completely."

Sorry that your son isn't sleeping...I think it's fair to say that everyone here knows your pain....

Val

Hi Knute,

Your post described a similar situation to mine where the school, which is a leading music school in NYC for elementary grade students, pushed me because of my DD's talent. So part of me felt compelled to push her to be as good as she could be.

The process we went through this year made me realize she didn't have the passion to be as good as she could be. And I know kids that do. And I cannot make her have the passion because she has the talent. But I can make her be somewhat disciplined so that she explores her talent and maybe make some choices to use it later on.

Just like I told her that if she really want the NYC ballet, she should start doing some stretching everyday, starting in Sept. But it is her choice. I said I would help her with what to do but she has to want it as part of her routine. And I will help her with the discipline. I wish someone would help me with the discipline to exercise everyday and not eat crap. But that is another forum...

We moved up bike size, from 12 inch wheels, where she really couldn't get any speed, to 16 inch wheels, where she barely can touch the ground with the seat as low as it goes. We were at the beach this weekend and she was riding and actually doing pretty well, but sometimes, stopped, the bike fell over, she fell with it because she couldn't really reach. The attitude is so bad. That is what I do not want. The crappy attitude. Blaming me, first because I was giving instructions. And then I wasn't but wasn't close enough when she went down.

Her recital is tomorrow and she is playing 2 pieces fast and being a little sloppy with the speed. I have been trying to get her to slow down slightly, a smidgeon I tell her. But she loves the flying fingers and the speed to play them. She loves her talent that way but not perfectionism to play it perfectly. I thought of that movie Vitus where he was playing a piece for a new teacher and the teacher asked him to play it differently but he didn't want to. The teacher obviously pushed his way. But it is like that when they can make their fingers fly and they can learn these difficult pieces.

Ah well.

Ren

It sounds like you are willing to keep going for a while longer. I actually told my DD that it was up to her if she wants to continue piano. I told her that I was stepping out of it for a week. If I didn't hear her practice at least once, we would take a little break from lessons. Well, she didn't practice even once. We took her out of lessons for a couple weeks. She cried and then proceeded to practice almost everyday during her break (no prompting from anyone). We started back up with lessons and we are back to no practicing. I think that I will let her finish her summer recital and then try another break. This would be so much easier if she just didn't want to play! Sometimes it is so hard to figure out the right course.
Hope that the recital went well today.

Sounds like a situation where you can't see the forest for the trees.

Perhaps if you give her a break for a while, it will give her time to decide whether or not she truly wants to play.

Val

Knute,
DS will not practice drums or oboe which he takes lessons (or did until recently). However, piano, which I just let him play around with and guide him slightly, he'll noodle at for long periods of time. I think he just gets fed up with doing things someone else's way and just wants to do his thing for a while.

I wonder if this is part of her issue. Also, she is dyslexic and wasn't very interested in reading the "less interesting" books. Now that she has reached a certain of mastery, she enjoys reading on her own. Maybe she is frustrated by some of the foundational stuff that she needs to do on piano too?
Thanks for letting me think out loud about this.

The recital went well. There was a 12 year old who was really remarkable and DD was influenced by that. And she clearly likes the fawning as people compliement her. Being so small with fingers flying, many people tend to comment.

So she get enthused, wants to be able to play the Mozart piece the 12 year old played when she is 10. But carrying that over to everyday...

I was thinking how long do I promote the piano. I figure that 12 is a good age. When puberty comes along, I am not sure how much I want to fight on different levels.

And we will see what happens with the ballet. Does she work as hard at it? Does she make the NYC ballet school next year? Funny, she does make a real effort with Mandarin. But that is just knowing things. Not working to make it "perfect". If she makes the ballet school, eventually it becomes many days a week and performances start in a few years. But that is "if". I can see ballet becoming a passion. Piano is just a pride thing.

Ren

Great outcome, Wren! When my daughter has a goal, she works harder.

Even better feedback. The school is so impressed with her they asked her teacher if she would give another concert. Don't think we are inclined as it cuts into beach weekends, but the feedback made DD feel really good about her playing and the work she put into it.

We really focused on how well she did and we are very proud that she worked very hard at practicing to make it that good. Repeating the message a few times. It played well.(pun intended)