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I am very frustrated about the behavioral regression I see at times in my daughter. She is so sensitive to the group dynamic that her behavior can regress a good years worth and it takes forever to get her back on track at times.

If you put her in a group of older children and/or adults...she rises to the occasion beautifully and is so mature, polite, etc. However depending on the behavior of children her own age, her behavior can regress to such a degree that she's acting like a 2 yr. old.

I need to teach her to have some sort of inner locust of control; to not allow other children's behavior to impact her in such a way that it gets her into trouble. It's truly astounding...to me anyway.

Developmentally it isn't abnormal for a 4 yr. old to mimic the negative behaviors of other kids...however it just seems to be at a higher level of dysfunction. Perhaps I'm being to analytical about it or just plain too intolerant...either way I'm looking for some advice as to how to handle this situation.

Thanks so much!

Can't offer help but to say our son is the same, we're as lost as you sound.

Surprising how despondent it can make you feel when it happens.

I would have to say it sounds like asynchron. development. Sometimes it's hard to remember the child is really only his or her chronological age when they are capable of sich higher thinking. We often expect them to act as smart as they are but forget that 8 year old still can melt down like the best of them but act completely grown up and mature in every other regard.

Sometimes being around children that are the same age but not the same intellect can often allow the child to act more along the lines of their chronol. age.

Not sure how old your child is but hopefully it helps shed some light that it's completely normal and just allow her to be her true at at times instead of her mental age?!

DS6 went (and still does though MUCH less) through this as well. I think a part of it just has to do with them trying to really find a place to fit in. I have to remind DH often that DS is ONLY 6 (and DD is only 4 for that matter).

I agree with the others that sometimes it's easy to forget exactly what you said, that it IS developmentally appropriate for 4yos to copy behaviors. I know that I sometimes have too high expectations for my dd because she's always seemed much older than she is.

The asynchronous thing hits hard when she's hyper-aware and extremely self-analytical about her behaviors after the fact. At 3 she could expound for 20 minutes on the potential causes of her bad behavior considering her mood, the poor influence of peers, the price of tea in China, you get the picture. LOL

The good news is I can assure you that now that she's nearly 8 she's much less likely to copy something dumb that another child does and can do that analysis BEFOREhand instead of after the fact.

We constantly emphasize 'control' with her. That she's in control of her own actions, reactions, body, thoughts, etc. She plays goalie for her soccer team so we relate the focus and control needed for the sport back to real life all the time. It's an ongoing, constant topic of conversation with her and at this point we probably sound like a broken record, but it's slowly working.

Possibly something like martial arts or yoga can help your dd develop more internally driven behavior than her being swayed by external forces. We have considered that, but the soccer goalie training is accomplishing that right now as it takes as much mental as physical effort.

good luck!

Thank you all for your responses. It is really easy to forget her actually age. I like this forum because it is so informational. We actually do have her in TaeKuan Do and she seems to be enjoying it. I have seen her mature quite a bit this past year.

Again I just get frustrated at how easily she can be thrown off and at how long it can take to get her back on track. Sometimes I just feel so defeated as I mentioned.

She's a good kid...she really is and I do try to remember to be grateful for who she is.

I am grateful for all the advice...thank you!