LOL!

My parents used to say, dissaprovingly, "If you can ask to nurse you're too old to do so." - hogwash!

As a toddler, mine worked out a method to let me know what was on his mind. I remember him grabbing "Mothering Magazine" and holding it out to me temptingly. Ouch!

My son also had the bald baby look for a long time and once when he was about 18 months old, in a moment of temptation, he pulled the soap spout at a natural foods store and a splat of soap spilled onto the floor. Some old lady started cooing "oopsy" and he looked at her annoyed and said "allright, I go get a mop" and stormed off.

On another subject though, my son is now five and ready to enter kindergarten this fall. We are in a pretty rural area and I am afraid that even if he is tested that there won't be any services for him that don't isolate him. I don't know when to ask for him to get tested - or who to ask. I don't want to appear the neurotic mom and ask before he even starts school. But, who am I kidding, I am a neurotic mom. And I do believe in early testing. I happened to have a great kindergarten teacher when I was young who spotted me and had me tested within months of starting school. My uneducated parents never did know what to do with me. I think they thought it was normal for a child to teach themself to read. I was put into my own math and reading group after being tested, though, and I definately don't think that helped my social skills.

Melisa -
I totally empathise with not wanting to appear to be an neurotic mom. You will.

As the Mom of a boy who wasn't identified until 2nd grade, I applaud your awareness and your efforts. If I could go back in time, then I think I would have wished for early entrance or direct enterance to 1st grade, just for the reasons you outlined, becuase we want the best possible social development for these boys. I think that if he starts with 1st grade, then I won't have to go through making and re-making friends.

I like the IdeA, of not wanting one's child isolated, and still wanting one's child to get the same proper challenge at school that anyother kid gets - but it's probably impossible for most of us most of the time. I could dream of a multiage classroom with clusters of MG, HG, and PG kids along with normal kids.

I think we have a tendency to assign "blame collectors." Would your social skill have been better if you Hadn'T been in solitary reading and math groups - maybe yes and maybe no. It's so easy for a grade skipped child to look back and say, well, I was younger and less mature, so I didn't fit in, but really, perhaps that child was underskipped!

I was the youngest in myclass room, and though that my poor social skills were due to being "too young" now I think it might have been because I was "underplaced." We'll never know! Good Luck

Trin

My daughter's 3YO preschool teacher told me that my daughter was highly gifted. It took a long time for that to sink in. I figured she told everyone that! Anyway, I never really saw the need to have my kids tested. What would a number do for me? My daughter received all the available services through school, so testing wasn't going to bring in any more.

I finally had both of my kids tested when I thought about sending them to a gifted school, and it was required. I learned alot about the way each of my children learn and their strengths and weaknesses. It was useful for me, though not in identifying that they were gifted, I already knew that.

Honestly, I think the preschool teachers assessment was the best thing for me - I spent the time to figure out what my daughter needed in the way of education. I evaluated all the school options in our area and determine that the public school was in fact the best option. I advocated for (and got, hurray!) additional services for all high functioning kids at various different grade levels in our school system. My husband and I agreed on what we wished for our children. (A chance to be children, to run and jump and play and experience, not just to learn through books.)

The key in my mind is not early testing, but early identification. And the hesitancy is that if an educator (or a pediatrician) identifies a child as gifted and it turns out that the child does not do well in school, then what? Is it incumbant upon the school to ensure that the child achieves at the anticipated level or at grade level... Blah, blah, blah.

I have always said in our district that you should identify the children at preschool screening who are precocious, and label them as such. Then provide services for "precocious children" until such a time you as the school system is comfortable identifying them as "gifted." So perhaps you provide precocious K-2nd graders with advanced reading, and math and explorations options and then at 3rd grade you provide gifted classes or pull-outs or whatever.

I like the idea of Precocious for K-2 and gifted as seperate ideas. That way you can give the moderatly gifted early reader an appropriate education all the way through, and the gifted first grader who is sitting alone reading college level Math texts a different appropriate education. Note that those would be very different. In my mind "precocious" is good because it refers to skill development that is can be demonstrated to be above age expectations on a video tape. It refers to what is and how it is different from what is expected. "Gifted" in my mind, refers to a child who needs to learn differently from other same age children, using techniques such as compacted curriculum, telescoped cirriculum, idea-heavy curriculum, abstract learning style, visual spacial learning style, mentoring, concurrent enrollment, subject acceleration, full grade acceleration, differentiated social skill and character development, and partial program public school combined with partial homeschooling.

(LOL - I've learned a lot of words this year!)

((smiles))
Trinity

Melissa -

I also live in a rural area. We knew DS was gifted when he started reading (self taught) at 2.... but didn't see any need in testing. Then came kindergarten and a teacher who mentally abused him ( I hope inadvertantly) by treating him like he had a problem rather than like he had a gift and a need that needed addressing.

In retrospect, I wish we had tested early - and privately - at a younger age and been able to present the teachers with a satisfactory explanation of the various behaviors that they would see.

It would have been very nice to have avoided that horrid experience.

Honestly - test when you have reason to test and when the testing will matter. In your case - test before starting school if possible. Avoid the problems before they start if you can.

Teachers don't listen when you say 'my child is gifted' - but they do listen when you say 'here is a copy of the psych's report on DS'.

Mary

My granddaughter turned two in March. I am looking into info on identifying and testing her gifted characteristics. She sang her ABC's all the way through when she was 16 months old. She speaks to everyone like she is an adult. She counts to 20 on her own. Identifies animals by their correct name...not just dog and cat...She let me know that I was incorrect about a tiger, it was a cheetah. She remembers things you tell her only once. She can spell her name..Alexus. She identifies all of her family in pictures. She knows well over 20 songs, and sings along with the radio. She knows letters that correspond with her family members...B is for Becca..and so on. I could go on and on.. but I just wanted to touch base and see if anyone has information to share.
My son and daughter-in-law are fantastic about working with her but I was wondering if there is anything else that we could be doing to feed into her.
Any info would be greatly appreciated.


Lisa Bodkin
Lexi's Ya Ya..(she starting calling me that on her own...love it, we didn't even know that it was the Greek word for Grandmother.)

Thanks again...

Welcome Lisa,
Pat yourself on the back!

here are some ideas:

Get the book "losing our minds: gifted children left behind" by Deborah Ruf. also read anything you can about unschooling, John Holt's idea about following the child's lead in exploring her world.

It sounds likely that homeschooling or private schooling is in your future. Anything you can do to help the parents prepare financially for that is a blessing. anything you can do to help Mom and Dad maintain their "couple" relationship is another blessing. As delightful as these children are, they require lots and lots of energy and attention. If it helps to think of her as "special needs," they go ahead and use that perspective.

Praise Effort and Persistience, not Ability. Try to head off well meaning strangers who want to gush about how bright she is - say "I love living with a child who is so very curious about everthing."

Mostly just enjoy. Write back if you have any specific questions - protecing her privacy, of course.

Smiles,
Trinity

Hi Lisa,

Your grand-daughter is so lucky to have you, not to mention how lucky your son and daughter-in-law are. I think one of the hardest things about having highly gifted kids is the loneliness as adults. I see their high intelligence almost as a disability (in NM gifted is under special education) because the kids don't entirely fit in with their age-mates, have more complex interests, require so much more from parents, and are basically more intense. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but there is often no one to talk to (except you all on bulletin boards) after my mom passed away. Everyone else thinks you're bragging, or "neurotic"/pushy uber-mom, or saying your kids are better than theirs. They resent you and your kids' achievements. The only people I have found very supportive are school district professionals. I have taken to not talking to anyone other than professionals and my husband about them. What I'm trying to say is that being available as a caring advocate for your grand-daughter to your son/d-i-l is invaluable.

Also what I suggest to help your grand-daughter is to help provide enriching experiences to nurture her gifts (museums, library trips, art classes, board games, puzzles, read lots and lots of interesting stories to her including non-fiction, fables, folk tales, poetry, etc.) Talk to her about everything that is going on, to help her develop a rich vocabulary. If she has her ABCs down, start talking to her about phonics and playing games to get her to learn the sounds of letters, then what letters certain words start and end with. I think schools progress too slowly for "precocious" children. Capitalize on her enthusiasm at such a young age. I bought magnetic letters for the refrigerator and my son spells simple words with sounds while I'm cooking. I also recommend workbooks, though some people don't like them, but doing them with her during down-time to introduce topics. My son has fun adding/subtracting numbers and even multiplying, measuring with a ruler, telling time, etc. (he's just 4) mostly because they are new topics and he can quickly master them. If I waited for school, it'd be another couple years before he'd even heard of these things.

Good Luck,
Cym

I am new to this board and I have learned a great deal in a couple of days. I celebrate my son's gifts and think he is amazing. I have found that society considers him a problem. After speaking with the principle of the local elemenatary school, he also oversees the TAG program, he told me "ohh wow, I don't know what YOU will do with him". Don't I pay taxes? I know this is ugly to say but... don't we do all kinds of things for children with disabilities? Why don't we do more for children with uber abilities? Thank goodness for the internet and that I can stay home with him. It will kill me to see the light in his eyes that he has for learning go out because he is forced to sit in a bland environment day after day. I know realize why my teachers were always fussing with me. I was incredibly bored and hated everyday I spent in school. They kept telling me that they knew I could do better. Yes I could but why should I have?

I firmly believe that kids should be taught according to education level and NOT age. Some children are better with some topics and not others. Doesn't it make common sense that we teach them that way? Doctors have been saying for years that girls are better verbally and boys are better mathmatically shouldn't they be taught at diiferent levels and styles? The more I read on this board the more angry and frustrated I become.