Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy School meeting worries

That's exactly why we homeschool. THe only person I know of that got acceleration in our district had to get a lawyer. I was not willing to go that length.

Belle -- I'm so, so sorry you're going through this. It's *exactly* what happened in our multiple meetings about ds-now-8 when he was in K -- he was becoming a behavior problem and the school *refused* to realize that it was because he was sitting in a classroom for 7 hours a day and not learning a thing. They shot down all our research and withheld MAP test information until it was too late.

And at 5 or 6 or 7 or 8yo, what little boy has the maturity to deal with stultifying boredom to prove himself to The Man? Precious few. It's appalling.

I'm fuming *for* you. Can you continue to homeschool? Are there any good private school options? We moved ds to a private GT school and he's a completely different child there. It's a considerable financial strain but completely worth it.

What a nasty business. I'm so sorry.

Thoughts as you move ahead:

--That gifted teacher who was on your side: can you get her on the phone and debrief? Find out what's the stumbling block, and what he'd have to do to "qualify" by their standards, and what she can do to help you.

--You can file a complaint with your state's board of education. If they are discriminating against him because he has a disability covered under an IEP, that is a huge no-no and the state should come down on the school like a ton of bricks for it. Document everything that's happened so far in your complaint, with dates to the extent that you have them.

--Yes, it helps to have DH at meetings. They often do not take mothers seriously, but dads are another story.

--It also dramatically improves the behavior of school and district personnel if you buy a small digital voice recorder and say sweetly at the start of the meeting, "Is it OK if I record this? It's so hard to take notes and participate at the same time." You cannot legally record without their permission, but you can with; and on tape they will at least be more polite to you because you will have the evidence.

--We ended up hiring a professional educational consultant. She comes to meetings with us and also meets with school and district people behind the scenes, so they know what we want and what justification we have before meetings even start. This has been effective for us; she gets things done we cannot do on our own.

I hope you find a way forward.

DeeDee

I would write a follow up letter so this is documented in writing. It's like dealing with an insurance company that won't pay on a legitimate claim. I'm fuming for you too but maintaining a cordial, business communication tone is essential. Uugh!

Oh Belle, I am so sorry you had to deal with this. It is such a classic case and it sounds like this school just doesn't care or get it.

Everyone has good suggestions, and I suspect the folks who are used to dealing with FL know a lot more, but I agree about the documenting. Given what you were told, and you are willing, I would write a letter to the super. of the district, cc:ing the school, school board members, and any relevant state offices. It seems like it really can't go downhill from here, so why not push it as far as you can go (well, a lawyer would be the next step, but not sure you want to go there).

Best of luck, Cat

Thanks guys for just letting me vent...didn't realize how long my post was...I am just so angry - DS7 brought up what we were going to do for next year as far as school goes and we were discussing the options... we told him what our choices could be...

1. the private school that is about an hour drive away that is supposed to be awesome -multi-age classes, individualized lessons, project based learning and a "do-able" tuition...the only down side...they use Everyday Math-not so happy about this since my little guy's love is Math and have read the posts on here about EM comments....and the 2 hours commute each day

2.the newly zoned school that I had the meeting with the "lovely" guidance counselor....which DH and I have ruled out completey after the meeting we had...

3. continue homeschooling.

He said he wanted to visit both schools and then talk about it afterwards. I think he misses being able to be in a "class" (he did a Montessori school for 3 years for preschool)...and our area doesn't offer a lot of co-op classes, we end up traveling to Orlando/Tampa which is tough to do all the time.

There really aren't a lot of choices for private schools in our area- there is one that is supposed to be excellent but when we went to visit last year they told us that they were a little wary of being able to meet the needs of a child who gets speech/OT/and Gifted services..which I appreciate their honesty and their tuition is WAY out of our league...the other is a very strict Catholic school which we feel wouldn't be the best scenario for DS.

I am just SO frustrated to the point that I was considering writing a letter to the new super. for our county and letting him know just how I feel! If we weren't upside down in our house like so many other Floridians, we would sell and move to where ever we could find an appropriate place for him....blah!

Has the formal letter request been completed? I've basically learned that no matter how rude school folks can be at a meeting, that there is no telling when they are going to do a 180 degree turn and act like it was their idea all along. I have certainly been in your shoes, and experienced the pain of being attacked at a school meeting, but I would still reccomend taking this last step if you haven't already. People are funny, and the Gifted Coordinator seems like a total gem.

Wouldn't it be cool to let your son try both settings and see which he prefers? Has school already let out for the year, or can he visit the local school sometime soon?

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Gee... and I wonder why these asinine blowhards are scared to death about School Choice. If they had to compete for business, they would FAIL... and deservedly so.

At this point, I would totally blow off any real or perceived pecking order and jump a few levels higher in the system. Her attitude is unacceptable, and while I'm sure that your anger may have colored some of the description, she sounds like a total a$$, pure and simple. You've got to at least consider making a whole lotta noise over this. Nine weeks to "suck it up?" Please. They want your son to sit through mind-numbing content for 25% of the year first? B.S. You do that and then they'll say... "Ooooohhhh... we're too far in the year now... why, there will likely be gaps... he's missed too much of 3rd grade to change now..."

She's the only whiner in this conversation. The districts out of money? Guess what... accelerating a kid is likely the most affordable accommodation.

Yes, I know it's easy to be brave from waaaay over here in CA, but I still say jump in there with both feet, grab some of those pinheads by the collar and tell them what you want. Keep knocking on doors until you get the right person.

Grrrr.

Okay... maybe before you grab collars and call people asinine pinheads, I want you to jump all over DeeDee's suggestion.

Take that gifted teacher out for coffee and pick her brain. I'll bet a dollar that she knows the best next person to contact about this.

Poor Belle, what a horrible, horrible experience for you.

Am I remembering correctly that you are a certified, experienced teacher yourself? If so, I think that one of the many very sad and frustrating things about all of this is that they put so little trust in a qualified teacher's judgment of a student's educational needs (that may speak volumes about the relationship between administration and teachers in that school or district right there); unlike most parents, you would have seen hundreds of children over time, and have had an opportunity to develop a really good sense of where your son fits as a learner relative to a larger group.

No advice, just commiseration--I do so hope that things will look up for you and your dear boy soon.

peace
minnie

Edited to add: of course I don't mean to say that a parent who is not a teacher would not be able to judge these things--of course he or she would; I just think that it's very odd from a school's perspective not to trust the judgment of a teaching professional (not you, not the speech teacher, not the gifted teacher--wow, not a lot of trust happening there with the administrative layer).