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But that is the thing - it is not always! It is a roller coaster!

One thing that I have noticed is that the bahavior/bad attitude seems to be less of a problem when DS keeps very busy, working on a project, finishing something - in other words when his days are very structered. When there is more of a slow down, days are less intense and I forgo the daily routine (or strictness of it if you may), he falls apart and starts having attitude problems.

I catch him being good Kriston frequently and I comment on his good, grown up behavior. There is not a lack of praising in this house, I assure you. I refuse however to become too emotionally (read verbally:-) involved when his attitude becomes terrible.

Sure. Please don't take my comments as an assumption that you didn't say nice things. I just know that I personally tend to get stuck in "punish" mode, and the more frustrated I get, the more I have to remind myself that I'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

Maybe more about me than you there...

It is such a difficult time being a teenager, with hormones making you crazy, suddently the shirt labels matter...actually everything matters SO much (they're hyper sensitive). I find DS is better if he's been isolated from friends for the weekend (not on purpose, but if our family goes away). I don't think it's a reflection on his friends really. I love chatting with his friends while DS is also in the car and getting SO much information that DS has neglected to share.

Funny, I can make exactly the same observation.
To followup on yesterdays (mis)behavior: DS came out of school like if nothing had happened, and when gently probbed, basically stated that DH was just really ticked off that morning (??) and DS did not feel like he has done anything to warrant him being removed from the class, but he did say that yes, he was not paying attention. He was his very nice self all afternoon and evening, did not text, did not use his I-pod even though we have spent almost an hour in the car going to an from violin lesson. He was reading instead:-) Does he already know that when I am ticked off I tend to confiscate his electronic devices and was he smart enough to not even show them to me? Probably, because as I did not see him "overusing" them, I did not take them away:-) To make things eve funnier, when we got back home in the evening, he started working on his AoPS problems without any prompting. We did not comment, but DS said that he will spend some time doing this since there was no homework. Bizzare teenagers :-)

Does this count as a necro here?

Anyway, I'm kinda upset that no one's mentioned depression or anxiety as a possible cause of irritability. I remember last school year (age 15-16), I called my father a couple of times out of desperation and a need for help--I thought my heart was beating wrong or I was hearing voices--and to express my utter apathy toward school, and it always ended in arguments where I threw the phone across the room. Plus, I get sensory overload or something especially when I've been through a lot of stress and I can't be polite because I'm barely not spazing out--this Christmas, I was opening gifts at my father's house and by the time I got to a couple pairs of pajamas, I couldn't express gratitude because the texture freaked me out and the best I could do was put them out of sight for a while and scrape my fingertips on teeth while speaking with my whole body rigid and expressive with energy.

I've learned to recover pretty quickly from being overwhelmed by things, and the overload has lessened with age, but I think that's definitely a factor in kids seeming to have an attitude. Letting your kid know they can and should apologize or make up for outbursts or periods when they had to cocoon for a while and that that's more important than not being rude in the first place is a good idea to keep serious fractures from developing in the relationship.

Good Point Clarity, and thanks for your imput. I think that a lot of kids, but not all, find that the old oversensitivites that used to be sort-of-ok kick up again in the tween/teen years.

DS and I are trying to work out a code for when the overload hits so that I know what is going on, and that's helped a lot. I know that for myself, when I feel really bad, I don't expect to have to post an anouncement about it, but that I actually do have to say something or no one will notice until I'm acting really mean.

What I wish I knew is this - OT (occupational therapy)for SID (sensory integration disorder) really helped my son when he was little, age 7, but is there a cooler version for tween/teenagers? I remember really liking certian amusement park rides that provided that squished feeling, but is there a daily something to improve 'sensory diet?'

Love and More Love,
Grinity

That's so interesting, Clarity. I can definitely see it for my DS at times, though I think things are getting better (only 34 more days of school...). I believe he has been depressed this year because
1)school is boring, even honors classes have assignments that he thinks are busy work (not meaningful, in-depth study),
2)new big school environment (coming from small, sheltered middle school),
3)the "cool" factor (suddenly clothing is important)
4)juggling afterschool activities, missing lots of school due to sports tournaments, being unable to clearly communicate with teachers for make up work, too much going on.

Hopefully things are coming together. I try to be helpful, supportive, but sometimes the more I try, the more I annoy (or seem to alienate or something) DS. DH says Keep it Simple. He says stick to main point when talking to DS and give him time to digest and then let him come to me. That HAS worked better.