Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Grinity Needs Advice ((Long))

Hi Grinity:

I think you should guide your son through this decision -- and let him make the final decision. Talk to him about aspects of public versus private:

How will he feel about being a grade up from his old friends,
Would he prefer to be at a bigger school with more kids,
What is he thinking will be better about public school, etc, etc.

I think that he's old enough for his choice to be honored if it is well thought through. While every child is different, I made my own decision to subject-accelerate when I was 12 -- I just walked to the counselor's office in the first week or so of 7th grade and said I wanted to go up a grade in x,y, and z. I certainly felt qualified at the time to make the decision and now, in retrospect, I still think I was.

My thoughts are with you and DS!

bk

"You can even say, OK, we'll do it your way, but what are you willing to do outside of class to make sure you are continuing to learn? Maybe a language, an academic contest, working independently on a project... It seems like a fair trade and my guess is that the kids will jump at it. They like to learn, after all."

Absolutely, we are doing that now. I don't even say it to her as nicely as you just stated it!!

"BTW, I just typo'd "pubic school," which would be a whole different problem!) "

Kriston!!!!!!!!!!!-heartily laughing

Farewell and goodnight, until we shall e-meet another day!!

I

Thanks acs,
I'm actually not worried about the academics at all. As you say, if the public school is rediculously easier, then we can demand to add at home, and I will certianly build this into the deal. Either way he'll be an eigth grader.

Grinity

Yes K!
You found the key.
The other worry is "will he fall apart, organizationally, without the special care that he is currently getting as a 'matter of course'" But that is something that can be dealt with as the time comes.

Problem is, I can't really figure out how to poke and prod productivly. My initial pokes have lead to growls. But I do like the playdate idea, and have one lead at leasts. Maybe I should insist on 3 good playdates with the recieving class before his is allowed to make the jump?

Thanks to all of you!
((thinking face))
Grinity

I'm pretty down on public schools right now, primarily because of all the NCLB stuff. Low morale among staff, burdensome paperwork, spoon-fed curriculum, etc. ESPECIALLY what I'm seeing in high school. My DS is staying at his public HS specifically for SOCIAL reasons and it really depresses me. His friends aren't even in many of his classes! I think by the time the kid hits HS they do get a vote because they have to be vested to perform well. DH & I have already warned DS that if grades slip, changes will be made.

Are there other options? Charter school for high school? I guess I like the idea of fewer changes (staying at private school one more year) if your son will only be there for a year and then move to yet another school. However, as I say that, I know that if my son felt strongly about it, I'd accommodate him.

My son, as Grinity knows, is very close in age to hers. I am dealing with a twelve (soon to be 13!!!) year old seven grader.
From pre-school through grade 4th he was at a private, religious school. Considered best in our little town. Had some great teachers, had some awful ones too. The absolutely worst one was his third grade teacher.But we stayed around one more year.
Ghost always "hated" school. He never put it into words, but there was this constant anxiety in the evenings and some mornings, sometimes he would cry for no reason at all, the anxiety was so overwhelming to him. But at school he was always a proper boy, no behavioral problems, always getting highest marks for his conduct. Looking from a perspective , I believe that the anxiety was caused because they were trying so hard to put him into a box and the process of fitting in was so very painful to my son.
Angry sounding young boy - I can relate here totally Grinity, althought my son is not as verbal as your seems to be .
I agree that private school has given my son good study habits, he is used to wearing a uniform (current public also requires them), used to turning his homework in, finishing assignments etc. Yes, there is no "hand holding", but it is probably giving him more independence and forcing responsibility on.
As you know from previous posts, my son is thriving at the public school. He has been allowed to be himself, and his social site has been blooming. One notable difference in our stories is the fact, that for us it was a public school that has recognized my son's ability and offered above grade level work. Our private school was just patting me on the back saying that I have a great child. For you the reverse is true. Please do not forget that!
Middle school is a very difficult time. I agree that listening to your son is a good idea. However, is moving now, just for one year, the best idea? How likely is it that if you choose public HS, he will stay with the friends he is going to make in 8th grade? Will the middle school allow for above grade level work in school?
Grinity knows very well, that you have to take it one year at a time. Last year was great, this one not so. Is this the main reason you are considering the move? Do you know what the curriculum is going to be like in public?
Every situation is different, but from my perpective here is a little comparison:

Private School
+ uniforms
+ discipline
+ school was religious, did not have to take son to religious classes in church like we have to now.
- too much time was spent on religion, taking away from core curriculum
+ my son's handwriting was great, teachers were really paying attention to details
- too big emphasis on sports
+ parents cared a lot about their kids education
- kids from very affluent homes, some hispanics at school but they were not really treated equally
- principal was absolutely "non approachable", anything you said might have been taken against your child
-not recognizing the need for differentiation and acceleration
-my son was bored
-no foreign langauage


Public School
+ immediately recognized that "something needs to be done with this child" in terms of acceleration and differentiation. They offered an immediate grade skip which we declined - he had a great 5th grade teacher with G/T experience.
+ uniforms
+ foreign language
+ teachers from all over the world, speak with accents (important to me as I also have one)
+ kids from very different backgrounds, very different financial situations
- parents less involved in their kids education
- my son's handwriting is horrid :-) I have actually started looking through his notes and am assigning him things to re-write. I know he can do it, because he used to do it!
+ school rewards academics, difficult to have straight A's
+,+,+ - my son is thriving, he is very popular, vice P of student body.
+ principal and therefore teachers listen to parents.
+ able to provide in school acceleration.

Grinity, if your son insists on public and you are leaning towards it, why not try it for a couple of weeks? If you are dissapointed, I bet the private school will take your son back one month into the school year?
I know those are very gut wrenching decisions and as I have said
every situation is so different. In our case, changing for the last year of middle school would not be a good idea, since most likely Ghost will go to HS in another city.
Good Luck!
Ania

Thanks Ania!

I love lists.
Actually, compared to the changes that have gone before, I'm not 'that' gut wrenched. I'm thinking more like we have two good options and isn't that nice. The public school happens to have an Algebra I for a few of the 8th graders, and there is French for him to move into.

I'm just trying to wrap my mind around the very weirdness of leaving a school one year before the normal transition. I don't want him to have spent two years cultivating social relationships that are about to flower, and then missing the glory. I spoke this idea to DS this morning in the car ride.

He didn't actually quote Spock, raise his eyebrow, and say 'Indeed, Capitan?' but he make it clear that his odds were unlikely.

As for the school accepting him back a few weeks into the school year - I wish I had the belief that that would happen. This school has a waiting list! I'm even worried that if we don't make the deposit and sign the contract in February that the rest of the year will be 'cold shoulder' from the teachers, who have really given 110%.

I do love love love the tight discipline of the private school, really helped DS, although I think he's got the hang of it now.

Lots to ponder,
Smiles,
Grinity

Love the Spock reference. In the name of personal disclosure I should tell you I was hot for Captain Kirk when I was a child- Sick!!!!!

I liked ACS's list. Our public school is similar, in light of NCLB. I see the school making an effort to meet everyone's needs.

Is it the perfect educational environment for a kid like DD. No. But it's pretty darn good, which is why the research doesn't panic me at this point.

You've got a tough decision to make, It's clear it's wearing on you a bit. You have our support.

I

No real advice from me since DD is only 4 and therefore I have no relevant experience.

Only, to help you see things more clearly imagine that you are someone else and that you have to advice Grinity what to do concerning her son.
Usually this helps a little to put things in perspective.

Hope this helps a little!

I just wanted to wish you luck since I don't think I have relevant experience.

DS may be hoping for more than he can get in the PS, but if he stays in the private school and things don't go well he will always feel like he missed a great opportunity to go back. He is old enough to have a big vote in the final decision. I say make sure he has realistic expectations about going back to PS and hope for the best.

Good luck