Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Golden Ticket syndrome

Don't get me wrong, I think I do an okay job advocating for DD's and attempting to meet their needs. Actually, this board has been key in identifying resources to help me do that.

BUT, (please no one say I have a big but) sometimes I feel like I spend a lot of my time spinning my wheels, exhausting options that aren't a good fit.

By Golden Ticket syndrome, I mean, sometimes I feel like Verucka(sp?) Salt's dad -in the Johnny Depp version of Wonka- having all those people digging through millions of boxes of to find the bar with the golden ticket. And didn't she end up turning into a blueberry, anyway?!?!?!?!?

I

I do think some of what I do here is not so much about finding the right thing for DS. Much of it, actually, is about communing with people who understand the experience of raising a kid like mine. Community. I also find that reading people's stories and ideas helps me understand myself better. So maybe it was DS's needs that got me here, I don't think that the is the main reason I stay. But I may use him as an excuse.

Interestingly, DS has taken to reading these posts over my shoulder. He's gotten interested in everyone's kids and it's been an icebreaker for him. He tells me a lot more about his own experiences once he's read about others. Interesting.

And thinking about the Golden Ticket, I have to remember what my mom said (maybe I shared this before, I don't remember.) Anyway, I was wondering about some small detail of parenting a toddler and my mother said very cheerfully, "Well, I've tried it both ways and what I remember was that no matter what I did it was wrong!" She is not a pessimist and her kids all turned out fine. I think her point was, don't get too worried about details, kids are resiliant. I find myself repeating this phrase when I'm getting caught up in the details. Even it it's not great, we can recover. I mean, even Verucka got dejuiced, right?

I know what you mean about always looking for the perfect fit. But I rest easier after having read the article on the Hoagies page about "least worst options" for educational needs. Sometimes you just have to realize that there is no "golden ticket" and that what you work for is what is the best fit with least ill-fitting parts. We are only human.

And, BTW, it is Violet Beauregarde, the gum chewing child, who turns into a blueberry! Depending on the film you prefer Veruca Salt is either a "bad egg" and goes to the incinerator (where all bad eggs go!) or she is taken away by the squirrels! That's where greed gets you!

didn't she go down the garbage dispenser?

either way, it ends badly

I'm with acs about my child leading me to find myself. Interestingly I had a premonition that though parenting I would grow to understand myself. But I had no idea what that magic missing puzzle piece would be!
Grinity

I am a single parent and my DD is my only child. When she was born I was completely obsessed with giving her the best of everything and being a perfect parent.

After seven years, I think I have learned to ease off a little bit. If you try to be the perfect parent and always make the perfect decisions you only teach them that THEY need to be perfect (which is obviously an unreasonable standard).

One of the most difficult lessons I have tried to teach my perfectionist daughter is that sometimes GOOD ENOUGH IS BEST.

So we make mistakes, we get up and try another way. Once a decision has been made, whether the results are what we expected or not, we need to learn to let it go and make adjustments as needed.

My point is, don't be so hard on yourself. Our kids are by far some of the most fortunate kids there are. Every parent on this blog is here because they are invested in their kids welfare and are doing everything they can to make sure their kids are happy. Our kids cannot ask for more than our best.

Thanks Bianca,

I like this forum cause we are all trying to support one another. My post was supposed to be a humorous look at the futility of perfectionism.

It's interesting how we all relate differently to posts based on our own personal experiences.

With HG/PG children we're all out on our own in the woods sometimes. I've had some major epiphanies here reading perspectives different than my own. I love that.

Peace,
Incog

And the hard thing about these kids is that just when you think you've found something that works, something clicks and they change again.

But it is a journey. I agree with acs and grinity. Through this journey, I know myself more fully. And I even like to think of it as an adventure! Like journeying through the chocolate factory (which would give me a big butt). It's ok if it doesn't all go smoothly. You learn from your mistakes and move on. I think just having your kids know you are doing your very best for them is huge.