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Anyone else have a gifted kid who will not go #2 on the toilet yet?? DD is 6 and we have tried all kinds of things to get this sorted out, but she just can't so it.

It totally freaks her out. As a matter of fact, she needs to not be wearing any clothes or jewelry other than a pull up to do the deed. Something truly psychological going on here.

Ped keeps saying that she will grow out of it, and she won't go to college in pull-ups but how much longer can this go on?

Thank you for reading

Our 6 1/2 year old will poop in the toilet, and we've FINALLY gotten him to attempt to wipe himself. We still have to check when he is finished (we make him wipe 3x) because he is disgusted by the possibility of not doing a good enough job on his own. He refuses to go at school or anywhere but home unless dh or I (or grandparents) are there. It took him a long time to grow out of using pull-ups at night because he just wouldn't wake up to go pee. He just grew out of that about a year ago or maybe less, and we didn't try to "train" him by letting him have accidents. We just let him keep wearing pull-ups at night. When he had a week of dry pull-ups in the mornings, we decided to stop using them. After that, he had maybe one or two accidents and hasn't had an accident in close to a year now. As for the issue of holding it when he needs to poop, he's actually created a severe case of chronic constipation and has been medicated for this for years. It's not the exact issue you are dealing with, but I think it has something to do with control and hyper-sensitivity. Did she have a bad potty experience (i.e. painful bowel movement) in the past? This can cause kids to develop a fear of pooping, and she might associate pain or discomfort with the toilet.

We've potty trained six and they are all different. We had one that wouldn't go on the toilet, so we told him that was fine, but he would have to take care of cleaning himself up and throwing away the dirty pull-ups, wipes, etc. I would stand beside him and verbally direct him on the details. This was unpleasant to say the least! I really didn't have the time/energy, or the patience for the process. However, I was truly tired of diapers in our home. After a few times, it worked. I guess he didn't like cleaning it up either.

Our gifted son was willing to go on the toilet, but wouldn't wipe himself. He was terrified of not getting clean enough. To help him, we installed a full length mirror on the back of the commode door. This solved the problem and gave him a lot of independence. He still freaks out a little when he has to wipe somewhere where there is not a mirror, but the deal is he tries and then we visually check for him and tell him if he needs to do more.

Hope I haven't given too much detail. Potty issues can be embarrasing! The good news is that I agree with the ped...they eventually all get the hang of it.

Movingup6, I love the mirror idea! That cracks me up. We just might have to try it. I'm tired of checking! LOL

That's a great idea about the mirror!

Both of my kids are different. DD6 used to hold it in until she was so constipated she would cry on the toilet. I actually had to take her to the Dr and get x-rays to show her how bad it was. She goes fine now. DS5 has never had an issue going #2, but he isn't very good at wiping. I'm going to have to look into the mirror idea!

That has got to feel like crap (sorry couldn't resist). Seriously, age six, I'd seek out more help. This could be really socially limiting for her and it may be the kind of thing that in a just a couple of visits a psychologist could help her get on top of.

This is my DS6. We've never had issues with him going either in the toilet, just the wiping aspect.

Me too! Good idea!

Thank you for your replies. I think we will try the first step of making her clean herself up etc. That will probably gross her out just enough.

I also like the mirror idea because she is obsessed with us getting her clean enough so I can only imagine how freaked out she will be if she has to do it herself.

And yes, DD has had constipation problems since she was a baby and has the hemmoroids to prove it. It turned out to not be dietary, but low bowel motility. So she has been medicated since age 2. Still she will have flare ups now and then and it becomes very painful and upsets her. So I'm sure this all plays in.

Thanks

This has been our life for two years now, and I do think hypersensitivity has something to do with it.

This has just opened my eyes to something. I used to hear this huge *THUMP* in the bathroom about 30 seconds before D2 emerged when she was a preschooler. I figured she was jumping off the counter by the sink, but I had no idea why she would be on the counter. I asked her, but she never answered. Now I am sure she was "checking" in the mirror. ROFL.

We are just getting there with my soon to be five year old. We have made a lot of progress in the last few months. I took all the pull ups away, didn't make a big deal, just you are old enough to wear underwear (gerber trainers). We didn't make a big deal out of accidents but refused to go back to pull ups. We also at the peds ok started him on a very small dose of Miralax so he "couldn't" get constipated by holding it. Over time we started having him change his pants, clean up the toilet, and finally him swishing the undies in the toilet. Then finally when he had skids in his undies he had to sit until he went, not as punishment, he had his leapster and v-tech and sisters running in and out with encouragement until he finally went. Now he has to sit once a day, always with something to do and try to go. He is slowly taking this over and has gone a few times on his own accord. It has been a long process. I am just glad I didn't follow the early ed. teacher who suggested punishment.

Every kid's different. My sister had the same and I think it also was a issue with constipation. She actually was on medicine to help with that and that was the only way she was ever able to get potty trained. Have you tried incorporating foods that act as natural laxatives?

I'm not sure if you're planning on having any more kids but we're doing elimination communication with DD and that's been going really well. We did it primarily because we didn't want to go through the same thing my mom went through with my sister and also we got sick of DD screaming through her diaper changes.

We found that our little perfectionist (DD 3) was not willing to give potty training a try after having an accident and our many attempts was met with resistance. It wasn't until first taking away the pull-ups because pull-ups are glorified diapers and talking to her about the need to practice that we had a break through. And just to clarify this was no means the old idea of practice makes perfect but rather practicing helps us reach our goal. In two days she was trained as far as pee but still had issues with poop. But with the new idea of practice under her belt she was willing to sit longer on the toilet. She became seriously constipated. But (this sounds so wrong) thankfully during all of this she caught some bug and had severe diarrhea. Poor thing ... let me tell you ... having to poop a lot helped her practice A LOT and by that first day of her illness she had it down. Since then we have had no accidents and my independent child is all about doing it herself. Wiping is her thing. When I know she is pooping I always go in to check and 8 out of 10 times she has done a great job. It still shocks me how quickly she potty trained once she accepted she needed too. A week later she was fully potty trained for day and night.

As for your daughter ... it looks like you have received some great advice. I would only add that perhaps you need to eliminate the crutch of pull ups. The minute we removed them as an option our DD accepted what she needed to do.

What medication do you have for this? Our doctor has never used those particular words for it, but he has mentioned stuff that sounds like it would be called that. DS7 has always had poop problems and we've tried lots of things over the years. He decided that he would start wiping himself as a New Year's resolution, LOL! I like the mirror idea too--wish I could sell DH on that one.

I love this thread... Katelyn's Mom, I can't tell you how many times over the years I have been shocked at how quickly my D did WHATEVER once she decided she needed to! I think that is on ongoing theme for gifted kids, potty training is just the beginning.

My daughter did this. The doctor checked her out right at her 4th bday. She wouldn't use the potty at all. She would hold it. The doctor watched her playing for awhile and said that she was obviously very smart. The doctor took me to the side and said, " Take her home, put on undies, and tell her you aren't going to help anymore." I did as she said and my daughter was fully potty trained that night. I had to do the same when she wouldnt wipe....just tell her it was her problem. The doctor said that my daughter was smart enough to figure out that it was easier for her to act like she couldnt do it and have those issues taken care of for her. She had outsmarted me....and it wouldn't be the last time:)

Great topic :-) DS7 didn't have issues with going in the toilet, his issue was with wiping....he was worried he wouldn't get it all cleaned up and would refuse to even try....nothing like wiping a 6 year olds bum bum and we were afraid of other kids making fun of him...so we got the flushable wet wipes that sit by the side of the toilet...he wipes himself until he thinks he is done and then asks one of us to come do a final wipe check...in the last month or so he has gotten a million times better and I think we will be able to phase out the check routine soon! LOVE the idea of the mirror!!!