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Thanks, Lorel. I do give myself frequent breaks, but I'm someone who needs a LOT of alone time. *Much* more than the average person. And the more time I spend being social--even just with my kids--the more alone time I need to compensate. Since virtually every time DS is social, I have to be, too, I'm really having to go with my "alone time" batteries at nearly empty most of the time.

I don't see how I could possibly get enough time to myself while home schooling. It's one of the sacrifices I've accepted that I have to make--one that wouldn't be a sacrifice for most people--and it's one of the reasons we're considering a private gifted school for next year. But mine is a pretty unique situation, and one that there's just no good solution for...short of locking DS6 in the basement and tossing books down to him.

Thanks for the post. Homeschooling has been on my mind a lot these days and we may be leaning towards this direction.


LOL. If we ever do homeschool this may be a perfect reply to all the "You must drive each other crazy" comments.


This is one of the top reasons why I am kind of reluctant about homeschooling. This school years both of my kids are finally in PreK/K and I have a few hours for myself. It's not too much but it makes a huge difference for my sanity even though I mostly use it for the solo trips to grocery store and errands May be I could just get a sitter for a few hours each week.

What I really wish for is a partial homeschooling, I am not sure if that's doable.

Partial home schooling would be great. If it's possible for you to get that option, take it! In my second-choice world, DS6 would be home for math and reading and most science days (unless the school had some really cool experiment in the works--rare!), but would go to school for recess, art, P.E. and library time. (I say "my second-choice world" because my perfect world would have a school that gave him everything he needs and access to true peers, but that's totally pie-in-the-sky...)

And BTW, it does get easier to find alone time as the kids get older. But at 6, my DS still needs mostly one-on-one time for his lessons. He's just not fantastic at staying on task when it's not 100% his project, and I want to be sure he has time to play and do his own stuff, too, so I try to help him focus. (Plus I have a creative-minded and often destructive DS3, too, who still needs *lots* of attention.)

Having a babysitter helps so much! I would have lost my mind if I didn't have some help. But, again, I'm a pretty extreme personality type. I don't think most people would have this problem with alone-time the way I have it. I certainly wouldn't want to dissuade anyone from trying home schooling because of my weird! Provided you "put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others with theirs," as they say on the plane, home schooling is a really great thing for all concerned.

Truth be told, I enjoy my kids a lot more than I did before home schooling. We don't drive each other crazy nearly as often as we did before. I know that seems backwards, but it really is the truth. We connect better, and I understand DS6 better than I did. That's on top of all the educational and emotional gains that DS6 has made by being home. I'm glad we did it!

And be warned: home schooling is addictive! When you see how much better your child does and how much happier he is, it's hard to think that any school can do as much for him!

One of the hardest things I have had to deal with in homeschooling my son is the lack of homeschooling groups in our rural area. We do belong to one, but not only does my son not fit in, I don't either, and it is very lonely.

When my son was in half-day Kindergarten, I volunteered at the school. I could talk to other parents and teachers who seemed to have more in common with me. I could go shopping or clean house for a few hours by myself. It was great. That was the last time I really had time for myself. I have just had to get used to it.

As a homeschool mom I don't fit in with our homeschool group because I am older than most of the other moms who got married right after high school and started having lots of kids, and I have only one nine year old son at home. They get together for skate days and my son can't skate. We had one boy my son's age spend the night with us once about a year ago and the only common interest they had was Pokemon and that was not enough to keep a conversation going for very long. This child was not interested in reading or science or history or current events or anything else that my son wanted to talk about. This boy did not "get" some of the jokes my son made because he didn't understand some of the words my son used and he also didn't seem to have the general knowledge needed to get the jokes. My son's gifted friends get his jokes. He doesn't have to worry about this around them.

The only friends that my son has are other gifted kids in his musical theater group who are in public school and one gifted boy from church who he can't go to Sunday School classes with because the other boy is several years older. These are the only kids that he feels that he can really be himself around and they won't think he is too "geeky." They have common interests. His pediatrician told us a few years ago that we needed to have him around "average" kids some of the time but my son says he has trouble finding things to talk to them about other than video games. He is still in cub scouts with kids his age, but because of sensory issues and what I think might be motor dyspraxia, he can't do some of the physical things as well as they do, so he has absolutely nothing in common with them--physically or mentally. He points out that I don't socialize with people that I have nothing in common with and asks me why I expect him to do something I can't even do very well.

He does have four very good friends who he talks to all the time. They have sleepovers, go to each other's birthday parties, have discussions about Runescape or books they are reading or tell jokes and have a really good time together, but they are all gifted. I haven't seen any other gifted kids and certainly not 2E in our homeschooling group, except for a little girl who is a couple of years younger, so it is hard for him to find friends in this group.

I have worried for the last several years that if my husband and I went somewhere together without our son and something happened to us, that life for my son would be really hard as a 2E kid in our state since there is no requirement for an appropriate education for 2E. So we don't go out without him and I don't take breaks and sometimes I get a little tired and cranky, but I do what I have to do.

Lori-

If your son has four good friends, that's a great start! Are they all in brick and mortar schools and unavailable during the day? Maybe you can arrange a regular weekly playdate that runs from 4-7 or something, and includes dinner? My son used to see a schooled pal every Friday afternoon from 4-6. They both appreciated the predictability of it, and their friendship lasted for years after they stopped playing on the same sports team, which is where they met.

I wonder if there are other groups in your area, or if you could travel a bit to find a better fit? Some of my friends drive 20-30 minutes to do things with my group, though there are others a bit closer to their homes. It's worth the extra time if you find people who are more accepting.

Hmm, it is interesting to me that you have so many young moms there. We have some, of course, but the majority of us are in our 30's and 40's. I have good friends who range in age from 30 to about 50. The difference doesn't seem to matter.

I am sorry that you haven't found a good match yet, but don't give up hope. Chances are good that someone else is saying that they don't feel like they belong in that group either...

That's interesting. Anybody else has the same experience?


Lori, I'm sorry you have such a hard time fitting in. It must feel quite lonely. It must be hard not to have anybody in a similar situation.

Your son still has a few good friends and may be that's all he needs. I am an introvert and when I was a kid staying home and reading a book seemed more interesting than being outside playing with other kids. If he is happy with the situation then all is well (at least for him).

Kriston-

Do you use the babysitter to get work done, or just for when you go out of the house? I have a mother's helper who comes in for a morning once a week,and she's worth her weight in gold. I am able to focus on a task (defrosting the freezer, cleaning out the linen closet, etc.) and get so much more done without the constant interruptions of my two year old.

My oldest at home is now 11 and can take care of his little sisters in a pinch, but he really benefits from the time off too. He has a lot of household responsibilities and seems to appreciate having another kid around to take care of the little ones. I've noticed that he is offering to spend time with the baby more since we hired the helper a few months ago. Last week, he sat and helped her practice writing words on her magnadoodle. She was thrilled to have the attention and he basked in the glow of her adoration. It was really sweet!

I also want to point out that it is possible to drop homeschoolers off for playdates, classes led by other parents, tutored groups, etc. It's just that the more kids you have learning at home, the less likely you are to be free of them all simultaneously! I do have good friends who will take all three of my younger kids at once, but I don't like to impose that on them very often.

Those who are lucky enough to live near involved grandparents who are retired can let the Grands take care of the kids now and then. I will confess that I am envious of the families who have doting grandparents who volunteer to take the kids fishing, have them help in the garden, or just sit around and talk or play board games. Kids can learn so much from connecting with that generation.

Yes, his friends are all in brick and mortar schools. Two of them have moms who are teachers--one of them happens to be a special ed teacher with gifted sons. She has known my son for four years and he has spent the night over at her house several times and her kids come to sleepovers at our house. She noticed my son's sensory issues and motor planning difficulties and convinced me to take him back to the doctor. So I guess she is probably the closest thing to a friend I have--and she is close to my age. In fact, all my son's friends' parents are close to my age. They all have college degrees, one is an engineer and two are teachers. I feel like I fit in with them.

Where I live, 30 something year old grandmothers are common. There are two women in the homeschool group that might be about my age but they have a lot of kids. One woman in the group told me she had a lot of kids because she always wanted to homeschool and couldn't imagine just homeschooling one. She said she grew up as an only child and didn't want her kids to be lonely. I told her that I had only one child at home because I didn't think I could afford any more and I didn't want my son to do without things he needed like his dad (one of 8 children) had to do as a child. Another woman in the group overheard me saying that I wished part time school were available and they all seem to think this is terrible. When I mentioned that I might talk to my legislators about having the laws changed to require schools to offer this, they told me that I would ruin things for them. Most of them are homeschooling for religious reasons and they are afraid the "government" will make things more difficult for them if laws are changed. So my chances of finding friends in this homeschooling group are not good.

I enrolled my son in homeschool PE several months ago in the city about 30 miles from where I live thinking I would meet other moms like me. No such luck. They wore nice clothes, looked like they spent a lot of money on their hair, and of course they were younger. I could feel them looking at me and my son, but they didn't speak to me. So no luck there either.

Several months ago I saw a homeschool newsletter that talked about a free day at a weather center and I noticed a name that I recognized the name of a woman who used to post on a gifted message board several years ago. I remembered that her son was close to my son's age and had similar interests. But he is also in public school but grade skipped and they live about 45 minutes away. I think this boy would fit in really well with my son's group of friends, but he lives too far away.

There is also a woman that I found from TAGMAX that lives about 45 minutes away that also homeschools but my son is in between her kids' ages.

I have not found any other 2E kids like my son. I realize he is very lucky to have the friends he has. He and his musical theater group performed at a New Years Eve event last night and several former members of the group came to watch and they also talked to my son. I realized he has more friends than just the four. I think the kids in this group will be friends for life.

Well, both, sort of. I have a college student who comes in as often as I can get her. Originally it was supposed to be 3 hours or so virtually every weekday morning (when I do my best wrting) so that I could have time to write. Since we started home schooling, I use her more for a mental health break than anything else. Sometimes I even just go in a room by myself and read or play a computer game. I am definitely trying to put my sanity first!

Unfortunately, the every-morning thing hasn't worked this year at all. The sitter's class schedule has been bad--I only had her 7 hours per week last quarter, and we're down to about 4-5 hours per week in the quarter that starts next Monday, with only 2 of those hours on a morning. So...when combined with the greater demands of HSing, time to myself is getting significantly more precious.

My DH does his best to support me, but he works long hours and needs time alone, too. We do our best to be sensitive to one another and balance our needs, but two introverts can only do so much.

Mostly I've just let go any goals I had for the book for this year. I do get an occasional Sat. to myself to write, but it's slow going when it's only once a week.

I don't mean to sound whiny about it. As I said, I knew what I was getting into when we chose to HS. I honestly don't think most people would have the problem that I'm having. I'm just unusually desperate for time to myself. Then, too, it will improve as the kids get older.

Actually, I think of this time as I thought of the time when my kids were babies and I didn't get as much sleep as I wanted: this too shall pass. I do what I can to keep going and I know it will get better eventually.

<shrug>

Overall, HSing really has been a great thing for our family. I know it doesn't sound like it from this thread, but it really has! And HSing was the only choice to save the school year for DS6. This is a temporary blip, not a generalized problem with HSing, I don't think.

P.S. Lorel, our HS group doesn't do drop-off events for kids the age of my kids. If they are going to an activity, I have to be there. Even playdates aren't drop-offs around here. It's a shame; that would really help me!