Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy How to deal with emotional sensitivities

DS 7 was suspended from school for rest of the day on Monday. To my horror, he was flip and disrespectful to his teacher. It started out with my son flipping ahead in his math workbook being disruptive in class. The teacher took his book away. He got up from his desk and went to the teacher's desk and took the book back. The teacher and him had a tug of war with the book.

He was sent to the counselor's office, but she was unable to calm him down. He was then sent to the Asst. Principal's office, again she was not able to bring him back to normal. Then I was called to come pick him up.

The next day I brought him to school to make sure he apologized to his teacher. I was amazed at how his whole demeanor changed as soon as we walked through the doors of the school. He has developed a barrier soon as he hits the school.

We went into a private room for him to talk to the teacher. Again, I couldn't believe his body language. He would not look at his teacher, he was turning his back to us, he was leaning on everything. He was completely tuning us out and saying what ever he thought we wanted to hear.

This is not my son. He does not act like this at home or at any other places we take him.

After having long conversations with him, I got to the root of the matter. The teacher hurt his feeling when she took his book away. This started the mad issue, to the point of no return.

He will not communicate his feeling to any one, but me. He will only tell the counselors at school, "you wont understand."

How do I help him get over the emotional sensitivities and to communicate his feeling to the right people??

I was able to see this first hand yesterday. He was in his Destination Imagination class. All the kids made something out of newspaper. He completed his creation and one of the kids crumpled it up. It set the mood for the rest of the class. He should have told some one.

I also feel his development is uneven. His emotional maturity is that of a younger child.

He is aware of how the other children treat him. He tells me, "they ignore me when I try to talk to them."

Please help!!

I don't have any advice but understand. My CJ8 is slipping into the rude disresctful thing as well. he doesn't respect them at all. I will keep an eye on this post for ideas as well.

Hi vicam,

You are having similar issues? Thank you for sharing. It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one.

so sorry about your troubles.

Has your child had any testing? Is he gifted and needing more challenge? Sometimes a little understanding and adjustments can go a long way. Last year, my DS was able to go ahead of the class on his math paper and get out his own math work book. That helped a lot. Are there any students you can arrange playdates with to nuture relationships. For my DS sports really helps connect him to others his age.

Hi Tall boys and Vicam,

We have the same issues occurring here with DS8. This is the first year it has degenerated into really disrespectful behavior. For example, DS told his teacher he would not do an assignment because it was "stupid". When told he would have to remain in for recess he said "It's better than doing a stupid assignment."
The troubles extend to peer relationships also and some days he feels accepted somewhat and other days (like yesterday) he says no one likes him and when I asked "How do you know?" he told me they tell him he is stupid and won't ask him to do things together. He is really bad about reading other peoples emotions - or rather he is really bad about noticing any kinds of details outside his own head/interests.
I have no words of wisdom but just offer the camaraderie of commiseration.

They did a battery of tests on him last year. We don't know his true IQ, he scored 127, but would not participate in the test.

He is in accelerated math, reading, and spelling. The problem is, if he doesn't see value in the work or if he feels the work is beneath him, he wont do it.

We do have play dates for him, but he doesn't like the kids in his class. He feels they don't respect him.

Thank you Breakaway4, We have heard the same thing. He has lost recess too because he refused to do "baby work".

Mine maybe removed from the gifted class where he is b/c he doesn't do reg class work. I have also noticed that he will answer some times in a very flat voice as if saying Duh I'll talk slow for you so you understand. He is not overtly saying it but the meaning is there. The teachers think he as poor affect in his voice. I think its his way of putting them down. It is interesting that all our kids are about the same age/grade. They are definitly testing limits and recognizing what is happening. I did inform mine that being smart is no excuse for rudeness. Rather it should be the other way around.

The teacher told me, if he doesn't do the regular work then he can't do the accelerated work. He has to test out of the regular work first. He hates doing the regular work.

I want to home school, but I don't know if homeschooling will just confirm he can do what he wants. He really needs to learn to deal with his emotions. On the other hand, I feel school is a unhealthy environment for him. Maybe with homeschooling, it will allow him to catch up to age level emotions, to better handle it later.

Any thoughts??

If you approach homeschooling as a choice you are making to serve his needs, and you do NOT let him always have his way, he won't feel that he can do what he wants. I am more strict with my son than any teacher would be, but because he does work that is at the correct level for him, he is much happier and more cooperative than he was.

It's all about how you approach the subject with him, I think. I use the words "better fit" or "good fit" a lot to explain our school choices. I work very hard NOT to blame the school or the teacher, nor to blame him. We're just trying to find a good fit for him.

The fact is, your son knows that the current situation is not working better than anyone. I daresay that's much of his acting out. Responding in a way that could help solve the problem is not "giving in" on your part. So don't approach it as if it were and you'll be fine.

Rules are key! Homeschooling is still school! It should be more fun than what he's going through, certainly, but it should be fun because the work is more challenging.

I think of it this way: a kid who is hungry acts up because his needs aren't being met. We don't keep food from him because "that might teach him that he's the boss"--we feed him because that's what he needs! A kid who is hungry to learn is exactly the same thing.

Meet his needs. That's not giving in!