Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Elementary School Sacrifices your family has made...special schools?

I twitch at the subject line, because I don't think of what we do as making sacrifices; it's just that fostering DS's intellectual development, for example (but not only) by choosing the best school for him, is a very high priority for us. This has influenced us in big ways: our family shape and timing, and the attitude that I take to my career for example. Concretely, we considered all our educational options and picked a school that is an hour from us (by bus or bike) and is fee-paying. Our second-choice school, which I think is also a very good school, would have been far far more convenient and also cheaper. Not settling for second-best is working out pretty well for us so far. However, every family's situation is different: e.g., if we had less flexibility in our jobs or if there didn't happen to be a good cycle path most of the way, it could easily be that that kind of travel time would cause stress enough to outweigh the benefits. I think what is true is that we think what happens to DS at this age educationally may well be very, very important for his long-term development and happiness. I see a lot of people not thinking that about their 6yos, but generally not here!

I read the recent threads, not realizing this topic was age specific to elementary aged students. I�ll still share our current situation. My son is in middle/high school and daughter is a sophomore.
Yesterday was usual, but I spent almost seven hours behind the wheel and sat at a desk at my workplace for approximately five hours in between. The morning drop-off is two hours (there and back) every day, while the evening pickup is three hours minimum. Recently, activities have really picked up, so now it is usually it is longer. Yesterday, my daughter had music practice after school until 5:30pm, so I drove past her school to pick up ds at 4:30 after his water polo practice. We then had to make our way back to her school through detoured rush hour traffic. Next, we drove back the other way again to pick up dh from the airport, arriving home close to 8:00pm.
I work part time at my job, meaning I don�t go to work everyday, so there is the sacrifice from a second income. I also feel that I have had to give up a career focus to arrange the best school situation. My fulltime occupation is to facilitate their best education. In our case, the best solutions are these distant schools with many �experts from the field� (especially at ds�s) who provide incredibly instruction and one stop shopping! DD�s school is expensive by our middle income standards and ds�s school tuition plus various additional fees would be out of reach without financial aid.
We do believe it is all worth it, but we are tired.

In a light hearted manner my DH and I were pondering the educational opportunities avenue the other day. We got that email from EPGY that they were now accepting kids for the online school would we like to consider enrollment, for only $13,000 a year. So we went throught the math with 5 kids and decided that we'd still like to eat, and the kids still need new clothes, even if we never do, so sadly that email went in the trash.

I think we all make "sacrifices" and we all do whatever we can within our means to do what is best for our individual children. Like everything else that has many faces.

I think my adult daughter would see this as sacrifice more than I do. My pretty, very social and very fashion conscious daughter would have a really hard time adjusting to not buying new clothes and wearing "mom jeans" that she told me I wear. She didn't realize that I needed to spend every penny on homeschool materials and other things for my twice exceptional son. At least all the other homeschool moms in my area dress like I do and don't spend money having their hair done so I am not alone.

I don't see any of this as a sacrifice because I feel lucky to have my son. I was an older mom when I became pregnant with him. I had always wanted another child but I had been married for six years before I finally got pregnant. During the birthing process, my son's heart stopped beating and it was very scary. I thought we would lose him and I knew at that moment I would do anything, give up anything for this child if he would just live. He was delivered with forceps but there was a delay getting him out. We were told by the neuropsychologist that this could be the reason for his hypotonia and motor dyspraxia.

My husband and I only buy a few very inexpensive gifts for each other at Christmas so that our son can have what he needs. Instead of buying a new house and having new furniture and new cars like everyone else in the family with their two incomes and the choice to send their kids to public school, we live in an older home that will be paid off in two years and we hope to be able to leave it to our son.

Because our son is twice exceptional and our state does not require an appropriate education for twice exceptional children, we have to homeschool. There are no private schools near us and if there were, we could not afford it.
We live in a small town with intermittent high speed internet. Without dependable internet service, online classes would be difficult. We have no other choice but to homeschool.

We tried our local private day 'college prep' school for 6th and 7th grade. It was scary expensive, things just are in our part of the country. Think small liberals college.

They did give him his needed gradeskip, which the public schools just didn't see the need for, and they did give him support to reverse his undeachievement, which by the end of 4th grade in public school with only 1 teacher that 'got' him, he sorely needed. So I believe that it was money well spend, but Oh! was I happy when we brought him back to the public school for 8th grade.

Now I spend more than I would have on summer programs and travel to weekend events to get his social needs met, but only about 25% more, so I feel comfortable with that.

A bigger sacrifice was the years DS lost in elementary school, being convinsed that he was 'bad.'

Of course the biggest sacrifice was not having more than one child. At the time we didn't know what was going on, just that baby was unconsolable, and attached to mommy at the hip, and we sort of figured that we were bad parents and better not try for more kids. (All our local friends and family members agreed with this assesment and didn't hesitate to share this info with us!) Plus who had the time or energy? If I had understood myself and DH as gifted people, or LOG, then perhaps that would have been enough to give us courage to have more children, maybe not.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Aw, Grinity, this makes me so sad! You're SUCH a good parent! I hate it that you felt this way, and I hate it more that people affirmed this hooey.

I agree whole heartedly with the first and am very sorry you got such bad information on the second.

We sacrifced this year and sent DS6 to private school. He is already back (and doing much better) in public school. When he was younger we moved him from a preschool/daycare where his siblings were to a private (more expensive) Montessori school. This not only add more travel time but we lost some of our sibling discount from the other place. I actually agree that it's not really a sacrifice but as a parent I try to do what is best for each of my children.

Thanks Kriston and Melissa - and I'll tell you what, I wouldn't have been so quick to believe people that I was just 'bad' if I hadn't myself gone through 'not fitting in' all through elementary school and believing that it was my fault. I was supposed to be more patient, more loving of people of all different ability levels who were preventing me from learning much at school, more careful not to make errors from not paying attention, more 'living up to my potential' through being more complaint. And I was SO compliant!

Of course, part of my being willing to believe I was bad was also from having impossibly high standards - inner directed perfectionism from not much working at my readiness level, and never having reasonable peers to compare myself to.

So glad, glad, glad to be done with all that now!
Yippee!
Grinity

Good for you for coming out the other side so solidly and for using your experiences to help others. You're a good egg, Grin!