Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy The Goldilocks Problem

I believe this is a phrase by Grinity and I think my son has this problem big time. It's when everything is 'too easy or too hard' and that's it. His teacher is working with me (yeah!) to find a fit for him in a one year accelerated program. He had been coming home angry and frustrated with the lack of learning for him and then getting stomach aches etc. I met with his teacher yesterday and she said that she was seeing him 'check out' if he thought he knew the infomation and then not participate much after that. She then pretested him today on the rest of the unit and he does indeed already have it covered. Then she tried to give him a multilayered math challenge and he just balked. 'It's too hard, I can't do it' and he was tearful later. She really thought he could if he just thought about it for a bit, but he didn't even want to try. I've seen this pattern in other areas but I think we need to work through it and I don't know how. I would love to hear how others have dealt with it. Thanks all!

Yes, I've certianly lives through this with my DS, now 13! It was part what motivated me to afterschool, change schools, and come to believe that a gradeskip was needed. There was much gnashing of teeth and tears as we went.

I believe that we have beaten this syndrome - last night we had tears at bedtime because he wanted to stay up and program his calculator to solve for the Pathagorian Theorem. Now that is what a gifted kids is 'supposed to be like' in my book! So it is possible.

My belief is that if a child is forced into underachievement, and spends many hours a day way way below his readiness to learn level, then the width of his readiness to learn level shrinks, or even temporarily dissapears altogether. Your job is to keep him in environments, at home or at school, where he is given tasks that are as close as you can guess to his actual readiness level, and then sit tight while he rages his way out of the Goldilocks problem.

Since the teacher seems ready to help, ask her to keep giving him tests until she finds an area where he doesn't already know everything. She may need to bump him up 2 or 3 grade levels. I wouldn't keep giving him 'multilayered' math challenges, because he doesn't have confidence in the learning process yet. I would just keep giving him work that 'normal' older kids can do that he happens not to know yet.

It might be better to use a Aleks.com or NWEA's MAP to have an interactive assesment - otherwise this could become burdensome to all involved. You can get a free trial for Aleks this evening and just see where he is.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

Thanks Grinity! I came across your old post about this just before going in to meet with the teacher and then when the teacher said 'this is what I'm seeing', I had an 'ah ha' moment. Thank you for sharing your experience and it's hopeful that we can move out of it. I'll be prepared for the 'rages away at it'. Growth isn't easy is it?

Wow, what a timely topic. My DH and I had a meeting yesterday with DS8's teacher, gifted teacher, principal, counselor, special services teacher, and the speech therapist - it was a good group of people who all really like my son (except maybe his teacher - DH was getting a vibe from her like she was not happy being surrounded by a group of people extolling the greatness of DS) His teacher called the meeting because she felt my son seemed depressed in class - he was putting his head down on his desk instead of reading, he was not engaged in the lessons, he was crying if he made mistakes, etc. She said he is different in his gifted pull-out, but that makes sense since he has almost one on one interaction with the gifted teacher.

He is in second grade, he is reading at least at a fifth grade level (that was as high as she went in testing him) and his math abilities are way past two digit subtraction. I tried to express my concerns over his not being challenged enough, and my DH tried to make the point that the pull out program is great, but he is gifted all day every day, not just two days a week for a couple of hours.

They are really trying, but I don't think they understand the idea that if he is not consistently challenged, he will never learn to rise to a challenge. I am a product of this situation myself - I was never challenged, everything came easily to me and if it did not come easily, I would quit.

I can identify with this also. As a point of interest my little sister who is definitely HG+ has just began a program for non-traditional older students at Wellesley (sp?) College. I spoke to her the other night and asked how classes were going. She told me that all her life she dreamed of being challenged to the peak of her capacity and now she is saying "Be careful what you wish for..." At 36 it is the first time she has ever had to work her tail off to keep ahead. I have to wonder if she would feel as overwhelmed if she had been challenged like this all along.

Oh Kec,
This is so sad to hear!
Doesn't Pennsylvania have some kind of legal requirement to meet the needs of gifted children, and some kind process if the parents feel that the school just isn't doing enough?

Have they given him IQ and achievement tests? Can they place him in Math and Reading with other kids at his readiness level?

Love and More Love,
Grinity

DS took the WISC-IV last spring with a FSIQ of 147 and a VCI of 152. The report talked about needing to select his teachers carefully and apparently his current teacher once was a gifted teacher, although in our district I think since the gifted teacher splits her time between three schools, they use it as a stepping stone to getting a full time homeroom class. We tried for DYS, but need the achievement tests since our portfolio was not enough. The district refused to do the achievement tests, they only do them if they need the data.

The class is grouped for guided reading, but I still don't think it is challenging enough. They also discussed pre-testing him for each new math unit to determine if he should stay with the class or work on a packet prepared by the gifted teacher on different math topics. I am not sure how well this is going to work out, since he is not self-motivated. I can't imagine how far he would go if he were motivated. I had (casually) asked for subject acceleration, which I will push for again if this solution does not work well.

The counselor, who, along with the principal, is one of my sons biggest fans, agreed that he has changed this year and is no longer excited and engaged. He is having him join a group that meets once a week to work on coping skills to deal with frustration and disappointment. Plus they are going to do some speech therapy for him because of some "r" sound problems. It almost seemed like they were working to get him out of the class as much as they can

As much as they are trying, DH and I have begun to figure out what we would need to do to home school him, or to find a different school for him, both not optimal financially, but that discussion belongs on the "what are you willing to sacrifice" thread.

We have a follow up meeting at the end of January. I think we maybe need to look into achievement testing before then to have more data going into the meeting.

Kec,
It's really tough to watch a 'failure to thrive'. Your conversations sound like ours. A big hug to you and your family-

Breakaway, is your sister a Davis Scholar? My mother went through that program and graduated from Wellesley after most of us kids left the nest. She loved it.

Yes, Lorel, she is a Davis Scholar. I am so proud of her. She still has two school age kids and work etc. so she is really juggling. I think once she gets through the first semester and has Christmas break she will settle in. She is doing well. Just finding out what it is like to be the little fish in the big pond. :-)