Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy People who want to use dd to further their careers

Has anyone ever had stuff there child has worked been publisized to promote their school or the mentor who was working with them? If so, did you have any concerns about this?

What would you say if the gifted coordinator at your dc's school referred to you child as a "once in a career opportunity?"

While I have had a hunch for a while that my dd is the most PG child her school has dealt with in a long, long time, this comment is really getting under my skin. I have spend a year and a half appealing, supporting, advocating, volunteering, and small talking these people. DD is only now starting to get the amount of accleration, extension, differentiation that she needs to be happy - like its been a MONTH.

The school has already done a press release and photo shoot about one project dd was working on. Okay granted, its a private school and the economy is really bad and we want to support the school and what dd is getting "special." But a once in a career opportunity and we only found out about it afterward? What am I not hearing about? Shouldn't she get like 6 months of good service, or better yet a smooth transition from what's happening this year to whatever grade she is going to be in next year before dd's work and chatacter get used as a marketing tool?

I know we need to go back and research what kind of consent we have given the school. So far, her name has not been revealed in print, but there are kids in her class with parents who work at the school and who's parents are on the board. Everyone is suddenly SO much nicer to us. Lots of parents suddenly want their kids to play with dd. I know one of the teachers involved received a teaching award last year, partially for implenting the "book club" my dd has participated in. I think the reward was well deserved, but now I wonder if there are going to be gifted ed articles published too.

So that I was cornered yesterday about if I would allow a 3rd party to used a pict of my dd and her name in an article she is publishing. I need to find out the particulars. Morally, DH and I want to find a way to promote the project because its amazing and about animal conservation and safe water. Plus the more adults who realize kids can think really amazing, complex thoughts the better. Even if the article doesn't used her name, if it id's the school, we are essentially outed.

My other thought is that the work everyone wants to highlight seems to me to be more about her inquiry skills and her character rather than something she built, write or a test score.

DD is only 7. She is worried about being revealed because she doesn't want anyone to be jealous. Do I take that into consideration too?

If you have made it this far, thanks for reading my whole rant. Any advice is appreciated. Now, back to holiday stuff...

Well...hmm. If this was my daughter, I'd be extremely careful to ensure that her emotional well-being was the top priority. Children don't typically have defense mechanisms to protect themselves from the attention that a spotlight shines on them. If it was my DD5 and she didn't want to do a story in the media, I wouldn't let the school go ahead, full stop.

As for the "once in a career opportunity" thing, you might want to consider writing a polite but very blunt letter to the principal or headmaster about it. Your daughter is not a rung on someone's career ladder. Actually, and if my understanding of the general job description for a gifted coordinator is correct, this person is supposed to be helping your daughter, not the other way around.

IMHO and YMMV and all the other usual caveats...my feeling is that anyone who could make such a callous statement should get the sack immediately.

It's good that the school is trying to help your daughter, but it's not good that they're trying to capitalize on her talents (cue that argument about letting a kid be a kid).

Val

Is it possible that the "once in a career opportunity" comment was referring to how highly gifted your DD is, not to the GT coordinator herself in any career-making sense? In other words, is it possible that she innocently meant that it's once in a career that someone--who is excited about smart kids!--gets to work with someone THAT smart? I would take that as a good thing, not a bad thing.

Frankly, I have a hard time believing that a GT coordinator is going to get anything much out of a GT child career-wise. An academic paper or two, maybe. But one child does not offer much that's useful in terms of research, no matter how gifted she is.

The PR issue is more troubling to me. If the school doesn't understand that there are some HUGE pitfalls for a child going down that road, and doesn't consult EXTREMELY closely with you before acting, I'd be very concerned.

Be careful what you sign!

Kriston, I was wondering the same thing about the "once in a career" comment.

What if you talked to them about your DD's concerns about being "outed"?

I completely agree with making sure that your DD is getting the emotional support that she needs and that she isn't being exploited in any way. Everything I say after this assumes that you're in a good place with her socially and emotionally.

While it's not fair on how you got this point, it may be that you're now going to get an opportunity to tune her education based on her needs. Again, I'm not advocating exploiting your daughter in any sense. At the same if they really do see your DD as a child who is PG and needs special attention you might be able to get better accommodations. I like to look at things from the perspective that most people (like 90% of the population) are sincerely trying to do the right thing, and aren't being nefarious. Generally they may be off because they're ignorant and just don't know. You may be able to get a quid pro quo if you say that you want to make sure that your daughter gets the educations she needs but that you need consulted prior to any publication. Use that to your advantage.

Hope that didn't come out wrong.

JB

I understand where you are coming from. You have spent all that time telling them about your daughter and then they suddenly pick up and run with it. As frustrating as it is, you now have the opportunity to use it to your daughter's advantage as JB has stated.

I agree with Kriston regarding the "once in a career opportunity". That was how I understood it when I read your post. Perhaps it was a poor choice of words on the teachers part. I have had teachers say to me, "in all my years teaching I have never come across a student like ...." and it has always had a positive effect on his schooling.

I know my son's school markets his abilities and it is primarly his academic talents that are used (test results etc).
I don't have an issue with this and neither does he. He is shy and reserved and doesn't like to draw attention to himself but deep down I know he takes pride in his achievements when they are publicised. I think this is due to the fact that he would never freely discuss it himself. You are right to go back and research the consent given and if need be renegotiate to something you are more comfortable with.

Finally, I think it would be a good idea to discuss with your daughter how she feels about it and take it into consideration when making your decisions.

During the past year I have read quite a bit of gifted literature and in one book (I wish I could cite it but I don't remember which one it was in.) I read a letter from a teacher to other teachers. The point of the letter was to advocate for PG kids. She argued how these kids do not show up in your classroom very often and when they do it is a once in a career opportunity. An opportunity for the teacher to be a part of the child's journey. She talked about her student who came into her life and the struggle for both of them but the amazing journey it was. It was a very heart touching letter and not that I'm saying this is what your DD's teacher was saying because we weren't there with you ... but perhaps she/he is excited for the opportunity to be apart of your child's journey. And if that is the case, this will be a teacher that will bend and search for ways to open the path for your DD so she has the opportunities to really learn.

Just the optimistic view.

As far as I'm concerned there is no need to even think for a minute beyond this. It should be done. And, that's even if you 100% love and trust every single person at her school and want to help them. Your daughter should be allowed to say she's not interested and that should be the end of it.

I do not trust the media, even PR people. Also, there are all kinds of weirdos in the world and there is no reason to make yourself a target either of weirdos or other parents or teachers who become resentful. Finally, if you are uncomfortable with it and there is no major upside - then that is your answer.

JBDad, your point is crystal clear.

I agree with everyone's comments. Its so nice to be somewhere people can really understand what's going on! I can't imagine being able to talk about this with any of our local friends. Thank you!