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    #60080 - 11/02/09 03:43 PM Re: Advice for traumatized/frustrated 4.5 DS, plea [Re: Irisheyes]
    Mom0405 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/24/09
    Posts: 237
    Thank you. We tried just watching prior to going; and that doesn't work out so well. He is a perfectionist and then gets self-conscious that he may not be able to do it. Most teachers just don't get it/him anyway. They think that just being strict and firm should work with every kid. That's why I am hopeful about the swimming thing. He doesn't want to swim; but since we have a pool, it is more of a safety thing for us than anything. Plus, this summer, he was at the point of wanting to swim, but my lack of basic instructional abilities hindered this. Thank you for the tips. I kind of believe (which I may be wrong) that if a teacher will get him, and I do call in advance and discuss DS with them, they will know how to deal with him to get him excited about the activity. It usually isn't the case, or unfortunately just hasn't been our experience, yet.:) Thank you. Please keep the advice coming!!!
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    #60082 - 11/02/09 04:15 PM Re: Advice for traumatized/frustrated 4.5 DS, plea [Re: Mom0405]
    Cathy A Offline
    Member

    Registered: 05/26/07
    Posts: 1783
    Loc: West coast, USA
    We found a swim school that was a good fit for anxious DS. They offer a pre-level course that helps kids get comfortable in the water. The first two lesson, DS didn't do more than dip his toe in the water. But he stayed there with the class, and interacted with the other kids and the teacher who made it seem like no big deal. Eventually, he got in the water and little by little mastered the skills he needed.

    Interestingly, this school has teachers who are specially trained to work with developmentally disabled kids (whose lessons are integrated into the pool with everyone else.) So I think they are very patient and tolerant of differences and quirky kids smile

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    #60086 - 11/02/09 05:09 PM Re: Advice for traumatized/frustrated 4.5 DS, plea [Re: Cathy A]
    Belle Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/15/08
    Posts: 435
    Mom0405 - oh sweetie - lots of hugs your way...your story could be ours almost word for word and at the same EXACT age that our DS6 went through his hell...we saw a very sweet mild mannered little 4.5 year old turn into an angry, frustrated, tantrum throwing child almost overnight. I was in shock and now that I look back at it, it makes more sense to me that it was based on frustration that arose from his school situation that we thought was "ok" but it really wasn't. It was like he was holding himself together for so long and kept passing "hints" along the way that things were not kosher and then the volcano erupted when he finally couldn't handle any more frustration/boredom. We removed him immediately from his school situation and for a VERY long time he didn't trust very many people, his sense of wonder kind of crawled into a hole and disappeared, it was like my son just disappeared. After about 6 months of unschooling at home little peeks of my son started to reappear. He still is very cautious, he has learned the WRONG way to handle frustration by exploding instead of more acceptable ways but we are slowly working on that one day at a time. I am glad that you his mommy and you are helping him through this time.....sending lots of hugs and support your way!!

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    #60089 - 11/02/09 07:01 PM Re: Advice for traumatized/frustrated 4.5 DS, plea [Re: JSMD]
    Nautigal Offline
    Member

    Registered: 04/22/09
    Posts: 1032
    I don't have anything in particular to add at the moment, although we have our share of anger issues here with DS7. I just wanted to ask where you are? I lived in Woodstock and Roswell/Alpharetta. Oh, and Gainesville/Oakwood before that.


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    #60108 - 11/03/09 06:19 AM Re: Advice for traumatized/frustrated 4.5 DS, plea [Re: Nautigal]
    Mom0405 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/24/09
    Posts: 237
    Cathy A: I am a little apprehensive about swimming this week (Thurs); but my DH and I agree that we should try. I am just not sure if it his normal apprehension, or him being scared, or a combination. Crossing fingers.
    Belle: Thank you so much for the empathy. I don't know why it helps so much; but it helps me feel not so crazy at least.:)
    Nautigal: We are in Cherokee County.:)

    Everyone is saying it will take at least 6 months; so hopefully it will be just a waiting (and hugging) game. Thanks again ladies!
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    Mom to DS6

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    #60168 - 11/03/09 01:10 PM Re: Advice for traumatized/frustrated 4.5 DS, plea [Re: Mom0405]
    Grinity Offline
    Member

    Registered: 12/13/05
    Posts: 7207
    Loc: Connecticut
    Originally Posted By: Mom0405

    Any suggestions about when to introduce "authority" figures back into his routine (swim lessons, or other type classes? Someone suggested an art class. Thank you in advance!


    My recommendation is to wait a bit until the trama has healed a bit. A few months down the road you can see if one of the librarians is willing to strike up a conversation with him or put him onto a few good reads. Or maybe at the zoo you will hit it off with one of the guardians there? Perhaps a tutor to do 1-1 in your home? Chess club? Low Key is the approach!

    Smiles,
    Grinity
    _________________________
    Coaching available, at SchoolSuccessSolutions.com

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    #60240 - 11/04/09 06:17 AM Re: Advice for traumatized/frustrated 4.5 DS, plea [Re: Grinity]
    Mom0405 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/24/09
    Posts: 237
    Thank you, Grinity. We are heading to the zoo with a friend on Friday. And we had a great day at the park yesterday. Two very sweet boys his age actually let him play with them. All the advice on fun activities for/with him has been an eye opener for me. We are going to focus on reconnecting and having fun. He pulls out drawing materials, etc. on his own and still has speech once a week for an hour as non-self-initiated work time. He actually drew a happy person (him) with a happy face of me next to him (attached to him) this morning. And he ran up to me with hugs this morning. DH has been getting up with him in the morning and letting me stay in bed for an 30 extra mins since I can't get my mind to shut down at night.:)
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    Mom to DS6

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    #60245 - 11/04/09 07:19 AM Re: Advice for traumatized/frustrated 4.5 DS, plea [Re: Mom0405]
    Cathy A Offline
    Member

    Registered: 05/26/07
    Posts: 1783
    Loc: West coast, USA
    I'm glad he's doing better smile

    What about you? Don't be too hard on yourself! If you're like me, whenever one of my kids is struggling or unhappy I tend to think that things would be better if I were a better parent. I'm certainly a perfectionist myself! My kids are not going to be happy and well-adjusted 100% of the time. That's just the way life is. And maybe we all learn valuable life lessons during those down times.

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    #60283 - 11/04/09 11:00 AM Re: Advice for traumatized/frustrated 4.5 DS, plea [Re: Cathy A]
    Mom0405 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/24/09
    Posts: 237
    Me (hmm). I have been thinking about that as well. I feel COMPLETELY guilty, but am doing my best to try to let myself off the hook for enrolling him in his last school. It's tough when you trust people and they don't come through for you and/or withhold information (meaning his teacher). My personality has always been to trust first; although I don't consider myself as naive. And I asked a million very pointed questions before enrolling him at his last school. Like my DS, we just don't understand why people are mean and why people feel like they have to lie. It helps no one. I am doing my best to keep my chin up, keep a smile on my face and be cheery, especially around DS. He totally takes on my stress. "Fake it until you make it (reality)" has been a motto of mine for a while. DS and I are having a great time together right now. I really missed him being at school 5 days a week anyway. He is an only child. DS is teaching me so much.

    Thank you!!!!!! I have learned so much from this site. (And I finally got my Mom to read some of the books recommended to me. She just doesn't understand why we are having such a difficult time finding a good fit, and causes me endless stress in the background.)
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    Mom to DS6

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    #61674 - 11/17/09 09:09 PM Re: Advice for traumatized/frustrated 4.5 DS, plea [Re: Mom0405]
    Mom0405 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/24/09
    Posts: 237
    Just an update. DS's swimming class is going great. He gets right into the pool and starts playing, and has been since the (2nd;) first day. He runs down the hall to his speech therapist excited to "work," as he did previously. We are having lots of fun "field trips." He actually does not like to be home. It's always "where are we going next?" from him when we get in the car. We have been lucking out at the park with sweet kids when we go. The library is now a weekly trip instead of a bi-weekly one.

    The school that we were thinking about (Hoagies listed) turned out to not be a good fit; but now we know for sure that we are going to homeschool (this year - by just leaving things out for him to do if he wants, and next year through K as well.)Everyone's advice, well-wishes and support were so helpful and appreciated!

    Anyone who's homeschooling around Cherokee County, Cobb or Alpharetta (Atlanta, GA areas) who is looking for a playdate, please PM me.:)

    Lastly, my Mom read the books that I recommended and is now supportive in this - hooray! It has been hard with DS being a late talker (he has now almost caught up to his age level); but she is finally seeing him come out of his shell as well. School actually made him regress in so many areas. He is growing by leaps and bounds now.:)
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    Mom to DS6

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