We have one more pre-k option. I am going to visit soon to see their set-up. My DS is not currently ready to trust yet; and they definitely would not allow me in the classroom. He has had 2 good days in a row now though...able to calm himself succesfully without a total meltdown. So, hopefully things are looking up. It is definitely going to take some time and patience on all of our parts. This particular school has two openings and is allowing him time. They said they would let me know if the openings were close to being filled, as he needs to have an in-class interview (all day without me) to see if he is a good fit for everyone in the class. They seem to be experienced with these situations. Unfortunately, I believe that the amount of time he takes won't matter. I think that he will still go in and test, test, test the teachers to make sure that they handle issues appropriately. Thank you!

My suggestion is not so much *when* but *how*.

Whenever you decide the time is right to sign up for a class/lesson/etc ... I would talk to the teacher in advance. I would explain that your ds is a sensitive little guy and ask if it would be possible for you to come visit the teacher and see the room either one day or one week prior to the start of class (my dd always kept track of days of the week on which she had classes, so for her one week ahead worked best). I think this works better than simply showing up early, because you go on that "preview" day with no pressure and no expectations. Another thing that I have heard works well is to have the teacher on that "preview" day ask your child to "come to class early and help me with xyz." (it really doesn't matter the task -- moving mats, filling water bottles, etc. -- but it helps the child feel included and important). This also ensures you are not rushing on the day the class begins, since both you and ds are planning to get there early.

Hope that helps! Please keep us posted on his progress.

Thank you. We tried just watching prior to going; and that doesn't work out so well. He is a perfectionist and then gets self-conscious that he may not be able to do it. Most teachers just don't get it/him anyway. They think that just being strict and firm should work with every kid. That's why I am hopeful about the swimming thing. He doesn't want to swim; but since we have a pool, it is more of a safety thing for us than anything. Plus, this summer, he was at the point of wanting to swim, but my lack of basic instructional abilities hindered this. Thank you for the tips. I kind of believe (which I may be wrong) that if a teacher will get him, and I do call in advance and discuss DS with them, they will know how to deal with him to get him excited about the activity. It usually isn't the case, or unfortunately just hasn't been our experience, yet.:) Thank you. Please keep the advice coming!!!

We found a swim school that was a good fit for anxious DS. They offer a pre-level course that helps kids get comfortable in the water. The first two lesson, DS didn't do more than dip his toe in the water. But he stayed there with the class, and interacted with the other kids and the teacher who made it seem like no big deal. Eventually, he got in the water and little by little mastered the skills he needed.

Interestingly, this school has teachers who are specially trained to work with developmentally disabled kids (whose lessons are integrated into the pool with everyone else.) So I think they are very patient and tolerant of differences and quirky kids

Mom0405 - oh sweetie - lots of hugs your way...your story could be ours almost word for word and at the same EXACT age that our DS6 went through his hell...we saw a very sweet mild mannered little 4.5 year old turn into an angry, frustrated, tantrum throwing child almost overnight. I was in shock and now that I look back at it, it makes more sense to me that it was based on frustration that arose from his school situation that we thought was "ok" but it really wasn't. It was like he was holding himself together for so long and kept passing "hints" along the way that things were not kosher and then the volcano erupted when he finally couldn't handle any more frustration/boredom. We removed him immediately from his school situation and for a VERY long time he didn't trust very many people, his sense of wonder kind of crawled into a hole and disappeared, it was like my son just disappeared. After about 6 months of unschooling at home little peeks of my son started to reappear. He still is very cautious, he has learned the WRONG way to handle frustration by exploding instead of more acceptable ways but we are slowly working on that one day at a time. I am glad that you his mommy and you are helping him through this time.....sending lots of hugs and support your way!!

I don't have anything in particular to add at the moment, although we have our share of anger issues here with DS7. I just wanted to ask where you are? I lived in Woodstock and Roswell/Alpharetta. Oh, and Gainesville/Oakwood before that.

Cathy A: I am a little apprehensive about swimming this week (Thurs); but my DH and I agree that we should try. I am just not sure if it his normal apprehension, or him being scared, or a combination. Crossing fingers.
Belle: Thank you so much for the empathy. I don't know why it helps so much; but it helps me feel not so crazy at least.:)
Nautigal: We are in Cherokee County.:)

Everyone is saying it will take at least 6 months; so hopefully it will be just a waiting (and hugging) game. Thanks again ladies!

My recommendation is to wait a bit until the trama has healed a bit. A few months down the road you can see if one of the librarians is willing to strike up a conversation with him or put him onto a few good reads. Or maybe at the zoo you will hit it off with one of the guardians there? Perhaps a tutor to do 1-1 in your home? Chess club? Low Key is the approach!

Smiles,
Grinity

Thank you, Grinity. We are heading to the zoo with a friend on Friday. And we had a great day at the park yesterday. Two very sweet boys his age actually let him play with them. All the advice on fun activities for/with him has been an eye opener for me. We are going to focus on reconnecting and having fun. He pulls out drawing materials, etc. on his own and still has speech once a week for an hour as non-self-initiated work time. He actually drew a happy person (him) with a happy face of me next to him (attached to him) this morning. And he ran up to me with hugs this morning. DH has been getting up with him in the morning and letting me stay in bed for an 30 extra mins since I can't get my mind to shut down at night.:)

I'm glad he's doing better

What about you? Don't be too hard on yourself! If you're like me, whenever one of my kids is struggling or unhappy I tend to think that things would be better if I were a better parent. I'm certainly a perfectionist myself! My kids are not going to be happy and well-adjusted 100% of the time. That's just the way life is. And maybe we all learn valuable life lessons during those down times.