Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy frustrated in 1st Grade?

My DD6 has been frustrated in school.

She has been going ahead of the class in her work book and writing the answers very lightly under the fill in lines. I think she has been doing this to see if she knows it on her own before they do the work as a class. Since 3 year old preschool, she would take simple work and make it more interesting to increase the challenge. I would consider that a coping ability.

The reading feels babyish. She is reading some chapter books at home some at 2 & 3reading level. She said she does not raise her hand all the time. She wants to give the other kids a chance to answer. I don't know what to say to that. The teacher suggested she do AR test to challenge her and DD is very proud to do these. She takes a lot of pride in being a school girl. I'm thinking Social and behavior is very good at school. Grades would probably be straight A s. I do talk to her everyday after school so she can let out frustrations that don't show up at school.

Group discipline is also very hard for her. When she is doing the right thing and the class as a whole loses points she feels frustrated.

She is very frustrated with the pace of the math, waiting to do it with a group.
She is doing very well with her Math fact papers at school and for HW. Now the Math facts practice at home is making her mad. She does not want to do the flash cards. I think she could use the practice. I suggested we take out some of the hard flash cards or use dice. She got mad and said she hates it and doesn't want to practice. I did get her to practice Math on her leapster. I have some Math sites and disks she can do that are fun and colorful.

I'm having trouble knowing what to do with all this frustration. Any suggestions?

Has she been tested (by school or outside testing)?
Can you take this to the school now rather than wait for 3rd grade/some future time for gifted testing? Sounds like some acceleration might be needed.

My ds was very frustrated in 1st, partly social, partly the teacher was very my-way or the highway, and ds is extremely 'out of the box'. Still, he did well, just became disgusted with school and felt isolated.

We looked into the gt program to get him with kids more like him, and he has found some through this group as well as in boy scouts.
He hates rote memorization tasks; games are the main way he progresses with things like math facts. We used timezattack for multiplication, I have also recently heard that Math24 is a good game to get into so we are considering that for him. It has levels from simple arithmetic up through division, I think.

Good luck, yes I think she needs more, and I wouldn't wait on it.

Chris,
For which grade-levels is Math24 appropriate?
Thanks,
Jen

I think just telling her you understand she is frustrated would be helpful. I wish my Mom had been that way. I asked my Dad if I could drop out of school in first grade, ha ha. Just let her know there is tons more to learn out there and she will get to eventually.

Is there any possibility of her going to 2nd grade for math or reading, if she is so far ahead of her class ? My ds6 is also in first grade - he does have one other child in his class who is on the same reading level as him, so they are a "group". In math, he's on his own, so they have agreed to start next week with him going to 2nd grade for math. He also started this week being pulled out for math enrichment (30 minutes a week) with 6 2nd graders. I'm interested to see how it works out. My son is VERY easy going, and will happily go along with whatever work the class is doing - he likes easy - so I'm excited for this challenge for him

I agree that this is a coping ability, and something to be appreciated, but I would check very carefully to be sure she is correctly placed. Has she been tested? Very often younger sisters are just as 'out there' as their older brothers, but because they are better at coping and blending, they are overlooked. We parents just breath a sign of relief because they aren't going do the path of the first born. But I think that girls are more vulnerable to 'getting addicted' to being totally in charge and in control. Learning to face difficut challenges is a skill that is slowly aquired over time, and perhaps a change in curriculum would be needed to get her feeling like she can relax and 'not have to be perfec' all the time. I'm thinking that her response to the 'math facts' might be a sign that she is already 'addicted' to learning new things quickly and without effort. Some of us have our whole self image around being 'the best' in the room, and when we are faced with a type of activity that just plain requires practice, our whole world falls apart - because then - who are we?

Just some thoughts. Say more - has she been tested? Have you talked to the teachers?

Smiles,
Grinity

I have talked to her teacher and the Vice principal. When I was at a meeting advocating for her brother, The principal asked how she was doing? I told her a few concerns. Maybe I already told her enough. The principal has some gifted experience.

She has not been tested. She will do her first IOWA test this year and the COGAT.

I drafted a email to the principal but I'm thinking about whether I should send it because I think the school views me as someone who has called & emailed too much.

I have been dealing with my DS's issues and it's been a little challenging. I think they are a bit mad at me. I've tried very hard not to put any body down and just ask for more challenges. I'm just not smooth enough. They have taken some things a different way than intended which is sad.

I'm not sure if this is enough for now.

It is always hard to strike this balance. Don't blame yourself for not advocating well enough. Really, the schools should 'get' all this stuff without you having to play 'Lassie' -

((Mental Image: 'What's that girl? Timmy's in the well? Timmy needs more advanced reading? cue music from old TV show: "Lassie"))
Grinity

don't feel bad. I personally think that first grade is worthless. I swear it is a wasted year regardless. My dd's amazing kindergarten teacher said it best when we presented ourselves to her, exasperated by our first grade experience, "Oh it's ok. Kids like dd don't learn anything in first grade. They're all about socialization not academics."

I feel like our school is very academic but not always challenging enough for my kids. In Preschool, they taught things like the water cycle. She was very interesting in learning science. In K they did some stuff she didn't need. But this teacher was amazing with what she did like Yoga and giving my DD a special challenge as a narrator in a play. The teacher asked my DD to do read what I thought was too hard with words like Bethlehem. Well DD exceeded my expectations not only could she read all the big words but she had it all memorized along with what every other child had to do. After that, I felt like teacher understood what she needed and would do her best for DD.

Grinity - thanks! This is an amazing place for support and people to help me lighten up during some of the frustration.

That's a great story! That's what teachers are supposed to do. Sadly, it is often the teachers in the Pre-K and K that are comfortable with a wide range of developmental places within the classroom, and the rest of elementary seems to be most concerned with leveling the kids out.

Glad you got my TV reference. I do feel like that barking dog sometimes. Blues Clues used to make me cry because 'Steve' was so interested in what was on Blue's mind, even if it wasn't easy to find out.

((Hugs))
Grinity

Thanks.

I asked the principal (with some gifted experience) if she would test my DD6 first grader. She said, "that sort of request needs to come from the teacher and NO the school can't test everybody. I'm thinking she needs more challenge and her brother was tested with 140 IQ so that would be reasoning enough. The school tested DS becuase of behavior.

I have a conference coming up with her teacher. MY DD is a "perfect student" at school, straight As, friends, good listener, ect. I'm not expecting her Young teacher to have gifted experience. She is adored by my daughter. Any ideas to incourage testing request to the principal from the teacher?

I think it would be so nice if she was in DYS with her brother. I really don't know if she is a good canidate. DS has all the gifted charateristic. DD is very quick to learn and ahead of peers but not an obssessive learner like her brother.

If the school does not do the testing, I may have it done which will be hard finacially. So if I wanted to start with just one test, Which test should I pick? Do you agree it's a good idea at this age or is there a reason to wait. Should I wait until after the summer, when I get her cogat scores?

Our school informed me that they see no reason to test someone who is exceeding grade level. Umm, yeah, that doesn't seem the brightest to me. But since he is becoming more of a problem maybe they will decide to test him now? I guess they have to exceed lvl AND be a behavior issue?

Depending on the state, parent recommendations are a valid way to have a kid tested. Here in Pittsburgh, they definitely let a parent request testing. You should check the laws in the State and school district. A lot of times schools try to discourage you by saying the child doesn't need it so they don't spend money on the testing, but they cannot blow you off if you present the request in writing.

Our school is private and doesn't do testing unless there is a problem. The public schools do the testing just by parents request but children must be enrolled.

I'll have to look into that. We're in a small school district so I'm unsure what they can/will do. We are supposed to be having a SST (student study team) meeting which I guess is the first step to deciding if he needs anything different. I'm hoping that they decide to do some testing. Technically he went through a different school district's evaluation process at 3 1/2 but I'm not sure how valid that still is at 5 1/2.

I think we'll be looking into having him tested after he turns 6 on our own dime.

onthegomom, find some articles on gifted girls. Most won't be a behavior issue. Take them with you when you talk to her teacher!

Just ask the teacher to refer you DD for testing. You can say that you are worried about DD's 'self esteem' if DS gets all this special accomidations and she doesn't - you don't have to mean it! 'Self esteem' is a hot button issues with most schools.

Do you have any stories that support the 'she needs more challenge' statement? If so, I would share those because I think that this is the 'better' argument, even if the schools won't get it.

Just ask!

Smiles,
Grinity

DD6 in 1st, says math is too slow and too easy. Also, she says the reading is so slow. They are letting her do AR's above grade. She has done 6 ARs so far, all 100% and they are about 2nd or 3rd grade. She didn't get to go Math enrichment? She is top reader and will get to go for Reading enrichment.
In her LA book she wrote the anwsers ahead of class very lightly under the blanks.

How would I explain this may be effecting her self esteem? Could I say the examples below show me she needs to be challenged in school so she has the confidence to do things. Are these good examples?

DD and I putting together a 60 piece puzzle and she surprized me by acting overwhelmed. We have not done many puzzles recently. I said we need to do more puzzles so you can see you can do these types of challenges.

Working the Invention project for school she kept changing her mind about what her invention would be because some ideas did not work. (This is cute: she invented a finger protector for opening her umbrella)

I was reading on another old thread that not making decisions can be part of perfectionism. DD6 has been coming to me often this year asking which should she use/do? I have been telling her she makes good decisions. Is she just wanting me to be involved?

I'm thinking of bringing this up as a way of showing self esteem concerns and not being challenged. I have a conference coming up soon. I'm hoping this will support testing.

good luck with your conference!

Well, I had the DD6's conference and her teacher seems wonderful. The teacher looks for opportunities to challenge her. The teacher let her explain a new classroom game to the class, she talks with her about her ARs, encourages her writing to be more indepth. I think she is noticing her and making a big effort. Teacher said she is doing well and feels she is challenged enough in school. They will not give her an IQ test.

The teacher mentioned is DD is day dreaming in class more lately. Teacher is not overly concerned. In this situation, she ask the kids if they are using their time well and the kids usually get refocused. Anybody have thoughts on daydreaming? Maybe it's no be deal.

At this point, I will look into having an IQ done outside and continue to enrich her at home. It doesn't seem like school will do anything else for her at this time.

I'm still looking into other schools and waiting for DYS membership to kick in. I forgot DS's signatures so it was delayed. I'm feeling a little tired of all this right now.

I'm not sure where to direct you, but I was a BIG time daydreamer. For me, it meant a lack of challenge, boredom. I still have the same problem as an adult working in a very boring field.

I'd say definitely get her IQ tested, etc... she's a girl, and most tend to do the daydreaming as opposed to acting out like boys. To me it's the same reason, different output (behavior).

Glad to hear that you are impressed with DD's teacher - a great teacher can do a great job. I find it weird that the school won't test her, but 'oh well' - I'm relieved to see that you are committed to testing her privately.

As for getting sick of the whole thing - yes, it gets too intense at times!

Smiles,
Grinity

I am holding off on the testing for now because of money issues. Despite lots of complaining about Math and reading, I think she can hang in there for this year.

I contacted DD6's 1st grade teacher again. I'm still a bit frustrated especially with the Math. I do think it was my best advocacy conversation. I'm quiet proud of myself. I had sent her a short email outlining my hopes and then referred to the email during our phone call. I actually feel that we heard each other on everything and I got all my questions anwsered. Teacher circled aroung a question once and I got right back to it.

I asked the teacher, could DD skip side B of he Saxon Math page? I felt she did not need all the review. Much of the work seems too easy like write the missing numbers: 53,?, 55, draw patterns, ect. She knew this stuff last year and some the year before. The teacher said she is not always getting 100% on side A and thought skipping side B not good for here. She did not make it into Math enrichment because she did not know multiplication and carring over addition. She said DD could bring in an Math enrichment book but I'm not sure she will have time to do it. If she does the workbook, I think this could help in the future.

DD is top reader in her class. I asked if something could be done with her hard back reader? This is done at school as a group. She said NO. This didn't bother me too much.

DD will start a 20 min a wk, pull out for reading enrichment for 2 months. Let teacher know how this works for her. I can only imagine she will love it.

11 subjects grades are 100%, except math 97%, english 99%, health 97% for this quarter in progress. She says school is too easy.

It seems to me the teachers feels everyone could use all the review no matter what. They also seem to think the students need to get 100% on everything or they don't know it. That is their program.

On the positive side, teacher is talking to DD about ARs, that she is reading above level and feeling proud of. Class also has some reading self choice time. DD is reading, A Little Princess by Burnett, 6 grade AR, which is a challenge for her. Class is given opportunity to test out of spelling test on tuesdays,DD has been successful here. Teacher is also doing some projects with the whole class that are challenging. DD just did a poster about an olympic event, generated from internet research this felt very appropriate. Whole school just did an invention project also wonderful experience.

I have issue with what to believe from DD about school. She has been saying she is not getting enough time to read and has been really upset about it. This makes no sense to me. She has reading time at school and reads 10-15 library books 2-3rd grade level at home each week. She complains in very upset ways, school is too slow and too easy. I tried to tell her she was reading enough and I would like her to play with the other kids instead of reading at recess. She complained she uses her library book up quickly and I offer the idea to bring in her big book she was reading. The it was all ok. I don't really get this.

Teacher only see a happy, suceeding, out going girl at school. I do think she is gifted but don't know level. I think pace and depth are significant issue at school but it's hard to really understand the problem if some things she says don't make sense.

I think I should stop asking for more this year for DD. They already think I'm a pest. Any thoughts on helping things improve for next year?