Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Double Grade Skip and Overnight Field Trip

My son (summer birthday, age 9) was recently grade skipped from 4th grade to 6th grade (school goes grade 4-8) and is happy at school for the first time in his life. My wife and I pushed for this but were obviously primarily concerned with the "social" piece of the short and long term skipping equation (puberty, friends, etc.). So far, this has not been a problem at all at school and the academics are finally acceptable (rather than painfully slow). My son still has his same age friends outside of school and in sports.

However, yesterday a permission slip for a 5 day, 6th grade "retreat" came home (April time frame at a conservation/outward bound camp in the woods). This trip is one of the highlights of sixth grade at his school and looks like a lot of fun, but I can't help but be concerned. My son is begging to go. Parents can chaperone 1 day of the 5 (they rotate), but realistically, even if one of us went for the whole time, there is likely to be some interesting social situations (particularly girl/boy at off hours). What I am wondering is if anybody on this board ever dealt with a cominaton of a grade skip and an overnight field trip. The idea of sending a 9 year old with a bunch of 11-13 year olds overnight seems pretty crazy. I can't even begin to imagine what high-school situations will present some day. Would love to hear how others here might have dealt with similar situations.
Jona

I'm not sure if this will help or not since I have no experience with 9 year olds overnight with 11-13 year olds!

However, I do have significant experience with overnight field trips as a middle school teacher, including 5 years taking 40 students across the country for a week. I have never had any of the problems that I think you may be worrying about- girl/boy in particular. My students are threatened extensively :-), including that if they are caught out of their hotel rooms past curfew, their parents will immediately be called to fly to DC and pick them up at their expense. We also duct tape the outside of the room doors so that we can see who has exited their rooms without permission and do night patrols. Those are 8th graders and we still have no trouble like that.

I think these experiences are invaluable life lessons and great social opportunities to make mistakes in a very controlled environment. I would want to know what the rules and expectations are, how much downtime the kids have, will they be constantly supervised, what are the consequences for violating the rules, what sort of problems have they had in the past etc.

By the way, my seven year old will go to sleep-away camp this summer for 2 nights. He's completely jazzed already!

My main concern for my son, age 9, would be that he'd be set apart socially, not get to really connect with others, or be outright picked on.

Your son is begging to go - either he knows he would get along ok, or hasn't considered the social ramifications.
Does he have a couple kids he's connected with? Would he be allowed to room with them (assuming shared accomodations). He will need some supportive folks there, 5 days can be a pretty long time.

I think the most similar scenario we've had was a week long day camp with our socially awkward child, via cub scouts. DH went the first day, I went the second, and by then it seemed clear he had a couple kids he was connecting with so I felt ok having him complete the rest of the time on his own.

Good luck in making your decision!

GS10 went to 4H camp just before he turned 9, and again this summer just before he turned 10. It was a mixed age group from 9 to about 14, with kids from 14-18 as student counselors and adults to supervise. It was also mixed gender, but of course they had separate sleeping quarters. In that situation the age differences were just not a problem. The adults should keep a lid on the boy/girl situations.

how does one actually get your student a skip grade as our 14yo is bored and at the top of his class, is this possible?

Thank you for all of your replies and advice. I would love to hear more if anyone else would like to chime in with additional thoughts. My son has certainly not considered the social ramifications, at least not yet, but would probably be fine and perhaps we are overly cautious as he is our oldest. We are still waiting on some of our supervision questions, but are generally inclined to let him go. The one remaining concern is that other parents (of older children) told me that this is the grade that the girlfriend/boyfriend thing starts. Not thrilled about that even if he was 11 or 12 (I think 6th grade is way too early), and he clearly is not interested in this yet, but I don't want him to be uncomfortable when that topic is discussed by his peers.

To answer frosty's question, grade skipping policies seem to be all over the map. All of my children have grade skipped at an early age except for my above mentioned son (mostly by only 1 year at this point). My kids attended a very progressive preschool/K that helped tremendously when they saw our 3 year olds reading. My fourth grader is our oldest, and quite frankly, we didn't know better when he was younger to skip him earlier.

A great help is the book "A Nation Deceived" which you can download as a PDF. We gave a copy to my son's school and they actually took the time to read it. I think that grade skipping is easiest at an early age. Your 14 year old must be in high school, can't he just take upper level/grade courses? The modular nature of most high school schedules should make that easy.

In 6th grade, "dating" generally means eating lunch together, talking on the phone at night and making funny "do you like me, check yes or no" notes. There are some kids who actually "date" in group dates at the movies. However, in 10 years, I haven't had a 6th grade relationship that was resembling anything even remotely like the 8th graders and high school students who do date. Very rarely, they will hold hands at a school dance. That's the extent of it.

My son has a girlfriend and he's in 1st grade ;-) He eats lunch with her every day, walks her to the bathroom at recess so the bigger kids aren't mean to her, buys her Christmas presents with his own money etc. She's been his "girlfriend" since they were 4 1/2. I did wonder how long this can go on when I found the two of them laying in bed together a few weeks ago... though he was reading her Calvin and Hobbes.

My DS9 is also in sixth grade. This is a hard question; in making the decision I'd (or I will, when the time comes) consider his level of maturity, how big a deal it would be to skip the trip, how he relates to the other kids, how they relate to him, and maybe how helpful the teachers and other parents can be. Meaning, if you can go for one night and your wife can go for one night, can you ask a couple parents that you trust to keep a little bit of an extra eye on him?

Overnight trips haven't come up for him yet, but FWIW, he went on an all-day field trip with a group of kids aged 11-18 on Friday. He had a great time. He seems to get on well with them and managed to get into what I would describe as age-appropriate trouble. It had something to do with a can of soda spraying out at a fuel station. The other students involved were 11 and 14.

Hope that helps.

Val

Hi JonA, my DS7 has also been skipped two years and is due to go on a five day field trip with the older kids in July. DH and I have decided to say no for a number of reasons:
1. Our DS doesn't want to go (this bears the most weight for us)
2. He has already encountered a little bit of teasing etc. from the older kids (mostly from a new boy and also a girl who is very jealous) - this culminated in an incident where he was "pulled about" by the older kids for a laugh until another one put a stop to it. DH and I just feel that with such a large age gap he will be vulnerable (he will be just 8 and the others will be 10, some almost 11)
3. It is a very "active" trip and being quite a bit younger he wont be able to keep up with swimming, climbing etc.

This is just what works for our family and your situation is obviously very different (for a start your DS wants to go). That you are also able to accompany him for some of the time also makes a big difference. Have you tried to discuss your concerns with him? Good luck with your decision.

Here's my personal opinion. I wouldn't let him go alone. This is a special circumstance. Talk to the coordinator and see if you can go the entire time. Wanting to go is one thing; he doesn't REALLY know what to expect. 9 is too young in my opinion to be sent off to a sleepover with teenagers. I think you also thing this which is why you asked about it.