Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy vultures

ok...sum up for newbies....It has been recommended by the state director of gifted education that Mite, 8, be accelerated at least a grade, should be two....etc.

well, the state has no gifted ed policies per se, so the district doesn't have to comply with state's recommendation.

Sooooooooo....Mite is in the 3rd grade gifted cluster and I had to fight to get that.

Now I want to whine. I feel like all his teachers (special ed, core and math) are hovering like vultures waiting for him to fail. Every tiny mistake (He's averaging 80% in all the classes, but every error so far has been dysgraphic/dysgraphia/visual related) is being pounced on and brought to my attention.

I'm getting soooooooooooo ticked! He's doing 5th grade math at home right now. I'm pacing him so he doesn't burn out, but he started in late August and is a little more than 1/2 way through and doing very well. We plan on starting 6th grade in Jan. But, at school they still want to put him in the low cluster because of his disability.

The principal had promised he could do a full grade exceleration in Jan if the teachers felt he was ready, but it is apparent that was a set-up. Mite's stuck in 3rd.

If they would just take into account his dyspraxia and do the interventions, I *****know**** he'd be averaging 100%. But they still give him math sheets crowded with problems and language arts sheets that have stories on the front side of the page and questions on the back. aiyeeeeee!


argggggggggggggggggggggh!

ok. whining off.

I know I'm new here but having read all your posts I feel as if I know you and your wonderful son Mite. I am just starting this battle and although you are going through hell, you are an inspiration for me! I think it is incredible that "educators" act in such a mean spirited way. The more I read the more I realize how horribly gifted children are treated. Thank goodness you are such a dedicated Mother, Mite is truly blessed to have you for a Mom. **HUG**

Hi Willa! I know you two from other boards - really empathize with the whole IEP frustration! Do you have access to anyone who can help you advocate? Sometimes the educators listen better when you bring in an "outsider" who has an opinion on the child. I know that often when I would advocate as an OT for the child, the teachers all of a sudden took notice because I'm NOT the mom and have a "professional" opinion. I have to echo the previous sentiment - Mite is so lucky to have you for a mom and you are doing a great job! Hang in there. Hope things get better.

Hi Willa,
I don't have any magic answer for you, but I would try sending in lots of baked goods to the teachers. I am 100% serious about this.

I would also try to master the art of the 1 second compliment. "Mite was so happy with the immigration lesson you taught yesterday." and "Mite says your the nicest (funniest, smileyest) teacher he's ever had." and aim for sending these cute little notes by mail or with Mite or email, whatever, at least 3 times/adult/week. Then weekly or every other week, a longer story about how well Mite is doing academically, because, you know how much they care.

Am I scaring you? I should be. You shouldn't have to go so far, and I'm not saying to flat out lie, but you have complete freedom of perspective - put your feelings aside and make good use of it! You can brag/whine to us. I'm pleased that you have options if the major kiss-up job isn't your cup of tea, but I think it's worth trying anyway for the experience.

I feel your pain
Trinity

Touche! Dottie Dear.
We are some bunch of determined Mamas, no?

Amazingly, if you can afford to buy the baked goods it totally doesn't matter that they are store bought. Those oversized cookies work well.

Smiles for us!
Trinity

I'll start but-tering (that should get through the censor) them up. I've already been doing volunteer work for them all -- 12 hours last week!! I'll take some treats in to them, too.

Mite does love the math teacher. She seems to be the most accomodative so far, but still isn't sure he belongs in their class.

BTW, here is a brag. Saturday he was looking at the times table and exclaimed, "Learning the TWINS will be easy"! He was pointing to 3x3, 4x4, etc. So, I took the chance to explain squares (remember he's skipping from the lowest 2nd grade math class to taking 5th grade at home...so we haven't done squares yet). He picked up on it pronto and within 5 minutes had all the squares up to 12 memorized. Today he said, on the way to school, that he wants to learn all the squares to 100. So, he asked me what they were....well, heck I don't know.

anyhow.....

but he's not gifted....just "verbally precocious".


blech!!!!!

another funny from his sped eval last May. He was asked to say two things that were alike. He said a pencil and a shoe. The examiner then asked how they were alike. Mite changed his answerto a tennis shoe and a moccasin -- they are both worn on the feet.

The examiner noted this in his notes. So, I asked Mite what he how he thought shoes and pencils were alike. He said, "Oh! They are inanimate objects." I asked why he didn't tell the examiner that. He said they didn't want to hear those ideas from someone his age!!

but he's not gifted....just verbally precocious

double blech....

ok...enough whining...thanks for the suggestions, I'll give em a try. i'm glad you all enjoy hearing about Mite. I don't have anyone to share it with. I'm glad for forums.

DA--which other forums do you use? I'm guessing SENG for one.

oops I missed a part of the squares tale. Mite said it must not be too hard to do squares up to 100 because if you just did the tens it was like the ones with two zeros. so he said "Like 40 x 40 must be 1600, right? And 90 x 90 equals 8100.?

I was typing too fast.

I'm glad you guys are here. I love hearing about your kids and travails in educating them.

be blessed because you are a blessing!!

Willa: yup, I've seen you around SENG. (I'm doodlebug over there). I also subscribe to the list from mensa, brightkids. Lots of experience over there and good resources! teachers on the list - great asset!
I love the stories about Mite. It warms your heart and reaffirms what you know as a parent when the kids spout off that stuff. Mine does similar stuff - and we sit amazed. Last night he read the "parent reminder" about the field trip today out loud to his dad and I. He got "comfortable" and "disposable" but struggled with "educational", maybe that's why they won't advance his spelling words past stuff like hen, peg and must. (He's 5.7 year, skipped kindergarten).

Trinity: you are so right about the soft approach for getting the teachers on your team. Starting your conversation off with the compliment or positive spin is a great idea. I tried that and it worked great to engage her in conversation, but we still didn't get any advancement in the spelling words. Oh well, one step at a time. Next real advocacy opportunity will be our first quarter conference on 11/3. Patience and home activities will get us through!

what is the url for the mensa brightkids list? I haven't seen that one.

I'm working on the soft approach. Actually I started with the soft approach. It is amazing how quickly the vultures can turn ya into an ogre-parent.

Sign up here:
http://www.lists.us.mensa.org/mailman/listinfo/brightkids

Willa -
I want to caution you about putting in the volunteer hours. I know it's good for the kids, but

1) Is it good for you? I think 2 hours/month is sufficient to know what's going on and people's faces.

2) I think the Adults in the building respect you LESS when you make your self too availble - think dating: You want to be the glamorous Veronica, not the sweet Betty!

3) I reccomend finding a really low time/energy demand hobby that sounds really impressive that you can chat about with the other adults. Something you enjoy, that builds yourself respect also.

Sad to say, that Mothering, one of the world's most interesting, important, challenging jobs, doesn't impress people much at this particular moment in time and culture. I say, fight back, by making sure you have an alternate identity to impress other with, and nurture yourself.

This isn't meant as a critisism, only as a caution.
Trinity

That is good advice and I do plan on cutting back. Mite's teacher has cancer and is going through chemo; so, all of us are trying to make things easier for her.

But, I don't like to hang around at the school because I find myself being over-protective.

As far as having other topics, I do web design on the side and have the PTO's site as well as several other businesses in town; so, people are always talking to me about that. I also do advertsing layouts and such.

However, I do need a job and I do need to "get outta their faces". I want to balance "aware of what's going on" in there, but I'm not doing a good job of it these days. There has just been too much confusion at the school between the teacher's illness, the tornado (a little neighbor girl died and about 40 families are without homes now), and the IEP/gifted stuff for Mite. I'm not sure how much to push and how much to leave to them.

I also just don't trust them. They haven't taken care of him so far. It's hard to back out.

I'll do it though.

Willa, just wanted to say I love your stories about Mite too. He certainly is, umm, verbally precocious, LOL.

Oh My Willa Gayle!
How sad!

I'm not really saying to back off - I want you in their faces as much as possible, but from an executive direction, not a underling direction. As we say in our house - flex those alpha muscles - of course it's usually tough with a public school, since you aren't in an Alpha positon, unless they break the law - which it sounds like they are. Your web design business sounds like something you could at least pretend to act like a big shot over. For example, Name Drop thoses local businesses! Do those local folk make any major donations to the district? ....? Or build a website for a good cause to win "Take me seriously - I'm involved with Saving the World" points.


I wish I could explain this better - and with what the teacher is going through, perhaps it's just not going to happen this year - but really, how do they think they can get away with not meeting his special ed needs?

I think you mentioned that you've hired a suit of somekind to help advocate, yes? If so, what's their take on all of this?

It's clear from here that Mite is a terrific kid, very sweet and HG or PG. Keep going! You've come a long way already!

Smiles,
Trinity

I'm really thinking about making a web site called, "Educating Mite". chuckle. I think it would be quite a draw.

I do feel the district needs to hire a teacher's assistant for this classroom while the teacher is going through chemo. She missed the 1st month for the radical mastectomies. Now she starts chemo. I've seen my mother (died in 98) and my best friend (who lived with us when they came from India for treatment and died in April) through breast cancer and I ***know*** the teacher is going to have fatigue and other discomforts that are going to interfere with her teaching. Already I have had to point out corrections on EVERY paper she has sent home for Mite....all related to dyspraxia. I think it is too much stress for her and I hate to place demands but I have a responsibility to Mite.


Thanks for the Mite compliments.

Willa Gayle, it definitely sounds like she needs an assistant during this time. Have you said anything to the school administration about it? Maybe mention it to some other parents and start a quiet campaign to get some extra help in that room. They'll pay attention if more than one parent is voicing concern.

"Educating Mite" -- sounds like a good book/movie title, too. Start with the website and branch out. :-)

I'm going to plant it in some parent ears. There really needs to be an assistant who can provide continuity during the times she is sick. The month long sub was great, but having the sporadic ones isn't working well. If there were a consitant adult to help with the details during her absences, that would be great, imo.

it would especially help with the implementation of Mite's IEP.

WG -
I just reread the post that says you didn't want a skip because you had had such a good experience with this particular teacher with DS1. So Sad.

I'm curious - would they give skip him to 4th after Dec Vacation?
((Hugs))
Trinity

I'm thinking DS1 was a much better fit with this teacher. Now that I see Mite with her, I don't see a good fit at all. Mite needs more nuturing. DS1 needed more structure. This teacher is all about structure. Then throw in that she's moody from the cancer stuff (I certainly offer her space for that.) and the little girl being killed in the tornado who was in her class 2 years ago and the whole school still riding on the tornado roller coaster.

It's just been a horrid start to an uptight situation for Mite.


I really think I was duped about the mid-year skip. But, I'm still working on it. I spoke just today, at a gifted gathering, with the state gifted director, who originally suggested the skip, and she said she will meet with our district gifted director in Nov and will work with him on developing a better IEP and education plan for Mite.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....we'll see.