Hi,

DS is 2 and 4 mo and this year we decided to wait on preschool (did not like the only one in our area that allows his age). Instead for some social outlets we have about 10 hours of babysitting a week (he is fine with this), library storytime/playtime for one or two hours a week (he really likes this), and recently joined a playgroup with 4 kids his age that meets once a week for 2 hours (not sure yet).

I was really hopeful for the playgroup but so far I'm not sure its a positive thing. To be brief, they're all around 2 years old and 2 of them are pretty difficult to be around (push/pull hair/bite, major tantrums etc), DS happens to have well behaved type of temperament, the other one is 2.5 and also an easy kid to play with.

My general idea has been that whether or not it's really enjoyable, these playdates are good because DS has to learn how to manage around other little kids and the interactions about sharing etc are important ones. And that as the year goes by most likely the younger kids will grow and get more polite.

But then yesterday we ran into a aquaintance with her 2 year old son and DS turned and ran the other way saying something like, "no no please lets go, we have to go now." It wasn't clear exactly what he was feeling (and I could be completely off base, maybe he was just wanting to avoid parents talking forever while he had to stand there bored), but I'm concerned he thought we were having a playdate and that he's getting averse to kids his age. I certainly would be if I was him.

This week luckily DS has a cold so we are abstaining from playgroup. But what to do? The playgroup organization assigned us to this one based on age, perhaps there's a chance of switching if I say my schedule's changed, perhaps not.

What's the point at which social interaction for a group of 2 year olds, is bad versus good? I just feel bad for him, he is a sensitive kid and I'm not sure how much of it he can take without starting to just dislike other kids.

Polly

My personal feeling is that playdates are for playing and having fun. I would absolutely not force a 2-year-old to a playdate he didn't want to go to or make him stay for longer than he liked. Honestly, I think kids are not so much into socializing until 3 or even later in most cases. So I wouldn't stress about this at all at 2.

Mr W ( 20 mos ) prefers kids 2-5 years older than he is.

Kids his age he tolerates. But he is not enthusiastic, either. When he is around kids his age and gets bored, he will grab some books and sit by himself. I think the latter behavior is a good one. We've gotten him to say hi to everyone - but he does not have to play with anyone.

If another kid tries to bully him or his friends, he will not back down and stands his ground. This has made him a hero to the moms whose kids have been bitten in daycare by a particular child.

Hey Polly,
When you think about it, the only people who every really have to learn how to deal with a cranky 2 year old are the Parents and daycare Teachers, and maybe a sibling. And how would you like it if that 2 year old was you own physical size?

Even if these children do grow up and over the years become more well behaved, what is to say that you won't hate the other mom's by then? Or vice versa?

Perhaps invite the well behaved 2 over for a few playdates, or find a mixed age playgroup? One with some great older siblings would be nice!

((shrugs))
Grinity

DD 2.5 much prefers to play with kids who are 4-6. We do do some socialization activities.....dh would not let me homeschool if we didn't LOL. We have schedualed library story time, which as of tomorrow we are moving into a smaller grou[p of older kids on the recommendation of our librarian. And then we do a homescool co-op. DD is in the preschool class kids age 2 and 3. She is ahead of even the oldest 3 year olds in the class, and she plays for awhile but the noise and the disorganization of that age groups play bothers her, so we typically have to leave the room for a bit and sits and traces letters and words and does other worksheets that we bring. She also occassionlly will join the 6-7 year old astronmy class. I think socialization is important, but I don't think it has to be with their own age group especially if it upsets them. I am going to have DD join the 4-5 year old class when she turns 3 because I think she would enjoy it more. So she will be with kids 1 to 2 years older then her for most of her socialization. LOL

Hi Polly!

I may have a different take on this than others. I love playgroups. I have formed one of my own in each place we have lived. In fact, I started my first one when dd (now 5) was about 6 weeks old. I'm still in one to this day (now with dd3).

Which brings me to my point. I think most of the time, those playgroups were for me . Especially that first one. And even up to age 2 or 3, kids mostly parallel play.

Sure, there are opportunities for the kiddos to learn about sharing and not hitting or pushing. But, as a full-time stay-at-home mom, what I found most valuable was the fact I had a regularly scheduled date for adult conversation. I've had the same playgroup now for 3 years, and through time and shared experiences those other mothers have grown to be my very close friends. And even though their kids may be different than my dd on the gifted scale, they and their children accept her in a way that others do not. They watched her develop. I didn't have to convince them she taught herself to read at the age of two. They saw for themselves how she changed from week to week.

This is the part of your post that drew my attention...



I think your problem may be two-fold. In going through a "playgroup organization" you may find yourself stuck with other mothers with whom you don't have much in common. And if your ds isn't enjoying it, either, it's pretty much a lose-lose.

Any chance of breaking off into a splinter group with the dc you do like (perhaps you enjoy this mom as well)? She may have other friends who are more "your people" (for lack of a better term). Or perhaps you have an already existing friendship with another mother that could transition into a playgroup? Even if the kids are different ages, I think it can work. In my experience, the more you enjoy it, the more the kids will, too.

Polly, age similarities aside, the kids in your playgroup sound hard to deal with. It's okay to switch for "chemistry" purposes.

Hi,

I appreciate all the input... for various reasons our playgroup's been cancelled for several weeks running. Maybe by next week with a month having passed the terrible twos will have grown up a little (well one can hope). Its been nice to realize we can actively not go for weeks at a time and yet still be "in the playgroup". It may turn into something we just do in weeks we are really bored, I think that would be better than switching groups as I'm pretty sure we would still be limited to his age.

Today he had a "friend" (a little older) over and afterwards said it was fun (even though during it he didn't seem visibly thrilled), so that was nice to hear.

Polly

I agree with this completely - both of my kids were daycare kids from 8 weeks old. DS almost 6 actively participated in "extras" like Tumblebus (a bus that came to the school that was made into a "gym"). We attempted to sign DD4 up at 2 (DS started at 18 mos), and she would just stand on the bus and not participate. All kids are different, and socialization will come with age - regardless of the age of the kids. DS socializes more with girls because they are generally more mature at his age - but when he plays with boys, he tends to play more with kids that are slightly older.

I would not force the playdates just yet... or maybe have a "private" one with the 2.5 year old that is calmer.

Good luck!