Hi JaimeIM! Welcome! So glad you are getting a chance to think through this with BTDT Parents - what a relief!

Basically, you do want your daughter in a challenging academic situation BECAUSE she doesn't handle frustration well. Sitting for hours in school where noting is ever the teensiest challenge is part of what makes kids so bad at handling challenge. And as for her 'big response' - that aspect of the personality is so common in gifted kids that we had to come up with our on phrase and around here we joke about 'rampant emotionalism' (Kid's, Our's, and Dear Partner's as well)

Here are some reasons not to accelerate:
1) There is a school that has a reasonable amount of kids her age who are near her in ability level. (Everyone would prefer this!)
2) Merit Scholarships are her ONLY ticket to college.
3) Athletic Competition is her passion
4) She hates older kids
5) She would be targeted by the other kids and STILL not be learning anything (my guess is that your DD is going to need subject accelerations or partial homeschooling in addition to her skip, not right away, but when she is ready.)
6) Academic Competitions are a strong possibility (National level Spelling Bee, Intel, etc.)
7) Kindy is half day and fun based, this is especially important for wiggly, non-rule following kids, and it doesn't mean never skip, just wait and skip 1st grade.

I would say that before you agree to anything, you must take a half day and spend time sitting in your DD's kindy classroom, and spend time sitting in her proposed new 1st grade classroom, and, if possible, a second grade classroom, just to see how the kids interact, what the teachers are like, and what level of work they are doing compared to where your daughter is at. This is much more important than any standardized test.

As for the friend issues, my son was denied a skip until 5th, and leaving friends at that age was really wrenching, so if you come to believe that a skip will be needed, then the sooner the better.

The last issue to consider is gender. With boys, and a few girls, they will complain about boredom and force your hand.

With most girls you have to be brave and take a pleasant, complying child and put them into a 'at least somewhat' challenging academic situation. I don't know if it is biology or culture, but at this moment in time, girls tend to 'make the best of things' to a point way beyond what is safe. Kids rely on us to know what is right for them and to do it, so if you don't skip her, you are sending her a powerful message about your values, that she will likely internalize.

Um, I guess I've made my opinion pretty clear, yes? There are reasons not to skip, but social/emotional just isn't one of them!

Smiles,
Grinity

Hi and welcome. I am usually someone who asks for advice as I don't feel that I have enough knowledge to give advice! We have just had to deal with the whole acceleration issue and our DS(7) has skipped two years and is currently in a class with children who are 9 turning 10. He still joins his age-mates for games, PE and Art and recess (as the school were not happy him playing soccer with the older children and he lost confidence to join them for recess). We are only 4 weeks into the year but our DS is the happiest he has ever been at school. He seems to take everything in his stride and has relished the additional responsibilities. He is enjoying the work so much more (although is starting to find Maths a bit repetitive!) and is enjoying being with the older children. They seem fairly accepting of him, although I have had some strange comments from parents.

My DH and I were so nervous about it, not helped by the fact that acceleration in the UK is a bit of an alien concept. The school have been great but also very nervous about it, but thankfully in our case it seems to have all worked out. The hard thing is that DS wants to do ALL subjects with the older children (Art etc) but the school don't want him to lose his links with his age-mates. DS can't see why it matters as they aren't the ones that he will be going off to the next school with, the older children are.

We were also able to let DS have a trial of some of the classes before he was accelerated so that he felt confident and already recognised some of the children. We also explained to him that it was something that we were going to trial to see if he enjoyed it (so that if it was a disaster he didn't feel that he had "failed").

I am not sure if this helps you at all, but as you can see from everyone's stories, all situations are different and there is no right or wrong answer. In our case it was trying to make the least wrong decision!

I'm late to this one, but DS won't be 6 until December. He was tested in August (he started K in August)and is in 1st now. He's doing SO much better all around and will start a gifted pullout in January. His school tested him using the Iowa Acceleration Scale, so it wasn't just based on his achievement tests. We did not pay for private testing.

And fyi, if your DD is "immature" with you, she may not be once she is in school AND in the right environment - I was shocked b/c DS's school said he was super mature, which he's not with me. He's made friends with ease and still plays with those he made in K as well (recess/after school when he's in ASP, etc).

Oh, and my brother was a Sept birthday. At the time in NJ, there was no birthday rule. When moving to GA, there was. So he was a whole year younger than most of his classmates and did fine.

Personally, for us, it was a must do now with DS - before he learned to take the easy route and stopped enjoying learning. We'll cross the middle school and high school issues when we get there.

And I think the birthday cutoff is a crock of (scuse my language). I think it itself is the one thing that causes so many issues with kids in K and 1st! My DD4 has to wait until August 2011 to be in K, yet she could've easily been in the state funded pre-K here this year and move to K next year (and we're pretty sure IF she is GT, it's very, very mildly - DS was academically far beyond where she is now at her age).

Anyway, I'm babbling in circles, so I will stop.

Good Luck!

Grinity, you nailed it here... and not to mention that girls will learn to accept this the rest of their lives, causing all sorts of issues, especially mental/emotional ones! I am living proof of that, and I know several other moms around here have similar stories that can be traced back to being bored in grade school...

I shouldn't have implied that all boys will complain - a few boys will go the 'internalize' route. I know them. They are real, but so few.

I really really believed my teachers when they told me that being bored wasn't a problem, and that I should try harder to like my agemates, and pay attention in class. Sometimes I think that my brain's amazing abiltiy to change channels at the drop of a hat is 'induced ADHD' that I trained myself not to dwell on any one topic for any length of time because I was trying not to brood. It wasn't until my son went to school that I finally had words for 'what was wrong with me' and that I finally finally understood that it wasn't all my fault. Where were the swans when I needed them? Even in college, I just assumed that all my interesting friends were much smarter than I was. Sigh. I am so grateful that my son was able to show me the way. He has no confusion whatsoever about deserving to be taught even in elementary school.

Smiles,
Grinity

So, so true. Been there, done that.

Same here. I've learned more about ME in the past almost 6 years than I had in the 30 beforehand. And funny about the induced ADHD... I actually take ADD meds, and was technically diagnosed with it, but as an adult. And now, though the meds help me focus, I realize that most of it is due to issues pertaining to my giftedness and education (or having it "easy") growing up!

We faced a similar issue with DS5. He missed state cutoff, and I opted to enroll him at an Independent School. He was already reading at 2nd grade+ before he started school, and this school allowed subject acceleration, so I thought it was a fine fit.

He was bored at this school even though they are more rigorous than other schools. He was placed at 2nd grade in every subject, while retaining his K "homeroom". But scheduling conflicts etc. resulted in his school proposing he skip to 1st grade. Having skipped grades myself, I didn't want to do it to him. After frantic search on this topic, we decided to go forward with it.

Even though he is smaller than others, he is doing much better now in 1st grade. He is still mostly doing 2nd grade work, but science/social studies are in 1st grade.

As one poster said, you address the current issues and deal with the later ones later. It was worth it for us.