DD10 has always been a sensitive child; crying when reading a sad book, incredible empathy toward others and pondering deep issues early on. I figured her teen years would be extra challenging for us, but I didn't think we'd be faced with it this early. She is otherwise not going through puberty, but her mood swings may be the first sign.

I'm not sure how to handle her when she is extremely frustrated or moody (she doesn't know why). I've tried having her go cool off in her room, but she just continues to cry alone, which makes me feel horrible for her. I've tried to talk about it, but she doesn't know why she is frustrated or sad. DH has even harder time communicating with her during these episodes, which doesn't help

Luckily it doesn't happen every day, but I'd like to find ways for her to cope with it. School is great this year, she has friends etc. so I think this may be a normal part of development for her. Any good books on the subject? Websites? Advice from parents who have BTDT? HELP!

Jen

Hi Jen,

My 12 year old has always been emotional (remember the phrase "rampant emotionalism"?), so her experiences aren't exactly typical, but I can possibly encourage you with DD14. She had a very distinctive moody phase, somewhere in the 10-12 range. I can't quite remember now the exact timing, but probably 11-ish for the most part. It was a noticeable change from her normal happy go lucky personality. She would cry over the smallest of things. The encouragement comes in that this was pretty much short-lived, in the big picture. I hadn't really thought about it, but she hasn't been like that in probably a few years now (she's almost 15). "Puberty" for her was probably 11.5-12.5, for the "big ticket items". I know it's an ongoing process that takes years, .

So..."this too shall pass". I wish I had advice for the throes though. I did learn a lesson from it all. DD14 likes to whine. I mean, really whine/complain/vent/etc. When she first started with this, I had the extreme urge to "fix" everything. And I'd try....but she often just got more frustrated with me. I learned somewhere into it, that MY job was to listen empathatically, and just let her vent. Period. I was the "sympathetic ear". That was my job. This was hard for my "do it all" mentality, but I did learn. (And thanks for the reminder for me there with DD12!)

Our starting points may be totally different here, but hopefully there is something helpful in my ramblings. Hang in there!

Excellent advice! I had to learn that also. So many times our kids are just venting, like we do as adults. It doesn't mean that we always need to do anything about the source of the complaints.

As for the moodiness, I agree it's probably just temporary. My 10 year old formerly sweet, cuddly, accepting-of-everything litle boy has of late developed an attitude! It happened with my older two also. While my 12 year old is still in the thick of it, my 15 year old has pretty much come out the other side.

CFK is speaking for the boy perspective too, and I'm not sure yet what the difference there is. My only male child is 10.5, and he's pretty even keeled at the moment. I hadn't much thought about him being moody, ! Don't get me wrong, he has his moments, but so far there hasn't been any noticeable change overall.

I'm speaking from the male pack perspective, LOL! Before, DS10 was always willing to get the short end of the stick. Now, he seems to be testing out his alpha male traits! He is no longer willing to be runover or taken advantge of by his brothers.

It's like dogs, one alone is usually sweet and nonaggressive. Put them in a pack and watch out! I've often commented that my boys together remind of those nature channels where the cubs are always jumping on each other and wrestling each other to the ground.


Sorry, back to the original post topic now.....

My son has been known to get in "cat fights", !

Thanks Dottie and CFK,

My DS4 is the one that whines and has meltdowns over silly stuff. DD has been the easy going girl that is sensitive but it has been somewhat easy to manage. The new moody attitude is so foreign to me that I don't know what to do.

It usually starts with little brother aggravating her and she gets frustrated and starts yelling and then crying. Or if DH asks her to do a chore she grunts and resist and then end in tears again. Before, she would have just got up and done the chore. What really concerns me is that when she gets frustrated and cries, it takes a long time to calm down and sort it out. Or maybe it just feels like a long time to me, LOL!

Jen

I think that teaching our kids emotional resilience is part of our job as parents. They need to know that everyone has ups and downs. learning to deal with those swings is a part of growing up.
Hormones definitely have a lot to do w/ it, but the realization that you're different from your friends is tough.
I have encouraged my 3 gifted kids (2 sons and a daughter) to figure out who they are, deep inside, and to stick to their principles when times get tough. This seems to really help when the tears are flowing. I remind them that being a really good version of themselves is more important than being a poor imitation of someone else (paraphrasing Judy Garland), and they are terrific just the way they are.
Love is the answer!

Don't forget to add the new factor of "hormones" into the picture. Some girls have real issues with changes before the changes ever happen. I can't recall the actual name of it (it's like pre-menopause only it's something like pre-puberty), but it generally affects girls between the ages of 10-12.

I send my son for a run with the dog if he is having one of those moments