OK, so I think I have a plan for the school year... I'll tell y'all what I am thinking.

So the plan is to send dd4 to preschool three days per week (which, because of all the school holidays, is usually more like 2 days per week). Then we will do some enrichment using EPGY for math (currently grade 1.5) and language arts (currently grade 2.5).. I was thinking 20 minutes per day (her choice math or language arts)? - she also has one hour "quiet time" (used to be nap time, but I have sort of given up on that) - she usually reads or does workbooks or puzzles in her room during that time.

I'm not totally sure how much enrichment I should be providing at home... 20 minutes per day seems like the right amount for a 4 year old - but way too little for a kid that is essentially (intellectually) a second grader...

I think this might work well since this way I don't have to worry too much about fighting with the school about teaching her at her level -- I've given up on that battle - I think it is not really possible without pulling her out one on one and making her feel different. Pre-school will just be about play and making friends and we can do some learning at home.

So fingers crossed - that's the plan - I'm open to suggestions if anyone has any.

Sounds like a sensible plan! You'll be able to judge from her behavior if it's not enough/too much as you go. But it sounds like you are 'in the ballpark.' Seems to me as though when the conditions are 'good enough' for the child, that there is a pretty wide range of 'good fit' plans. It's when things have been wrong for a long time that the readiness level really dries up and becomes that unhittable target.

Smiles,
Grinity

Sounds good. We did similar things with dd when she was 4. It was a wonderful year. DD got to stretch herself emotionally and socially with the preschool structure, and also to learn academics with me. She also got a lot of other enrichment with science museum, dance, drama, and music classes. She got to try out things while waiting for real school to start. Once school started, we had to cut back on our activities to accommodate the school day.

We didn't do the formal online learning, not because we didn't want to, just because we were still in too much denial, believing we shouldn't teach her too much. We are paying for that to this day. Wish we had a done more.

MoN, wondering how you feel you're paying for that now. Do you mind sharing?

How are we paying? When we didn't nurture her interests, she shut them down. She lost confidence in her abilities and went underground in many areas. We had an enthusiastic child who kind of got hit in the face with the idea that she is different and her interests are different and her parents don't necessarily support her interests. So, she found different interests, and now is more hesitant about sharing her true self, or even recognizing her true self.
Could have been a developmental thing (kids tend to get shy around 4 anyway), could have been some other emotional issues going on at the time-she was coming out of depression. It's hard to say, but I just wonder, if I knew then what I know now, if I would have done things differently.