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    #53843 08/28/09 09:59 PM
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    My son knows pokemon really well and has been collecting cards for 2 years. Finally after a year of having no one to play Pokemon with, the neighborhood boys are into this. The kids show up to play him and they are talking about being inline to play with my DS9. Nobody has ever beat him.

    This sorta thing has happened here before. The all show up at our door with we caught a toad or bug. DD will known what to do. and he gives everyone advice.

    I'm glad they appreciate his abilities but this feels weird. He sorta gets a little attitude like he is better. But at the same time he doesn't seem that confident to me. DH said what so weird about it? Any suggestions to get/keep this kid grounded?

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    Chess club


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    Grinity #53859 08/29/09 06:36 AM
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    Is your DS well-liked? Do they really play together, or is your DS just a resident expert that they see when they need something?

    I'd encourage empathy. Ask him how he'd feel if he asked a question of a friend and was met with the attitude.

    Encourage multiple games of Pokemon at one time so that there's no line waiting to play against him.

    Get him together with some intellectual peers, where he has to work to keep up a little bit.

    But I'd also recognize that as long as he is not truly rude to anyone and as long as the kids want to play with him, he's probably doing okay socially. He's smart, and it sounds like it's the neighbor kids who are recognizing this rather than that he's bragging or pushing the issue. What's more, if it's not bothering them, then it probably doesn't have to worry you. I'd talk regularly with him about how to keep friendships alive, but I don't think I'd be terribly worried about the kids viewing him as an expert as long as everyone is getting along.

    My mom had a saying I always pull out: "It's nice to be smart, but it's smart to be nice." I use it often enough that now DS8 says it when it applies to a situation. It seems like it might fit here.

    HTH!


    Kriston
    Kriston #53861 08/29/09 06:46 AM
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    I'll add that I think some kids are more comfortable with the role of "expert" than others. The danger for a 9yo is that he won't know an answer, and then his position in the group might feel jeopardized, especially if perfectionism is an issue for him. That fear might be eliciting the sorts of insecurity that you're seeing.

    If he has chances to be wrong in front of his friends and still be okay with that, it might help. But he'd have to be okay with it. A meltdown would be bad. But if he can be imperfect in front of his friends, that's probably a good sign that he's doing okay.

    There's a fine line between liking to feel useful and feeling pressured. Some GT kids are natural teachers who love to share what they know. Others feel pushed to be perfect. I think it really comes down to how comfortable he is in that role.


    Kriston
    Kriston #53867 08/29/09 10:29 AM
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    thank you. Your are very kind. I will keep your advice in mind.

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    Let me know how it goes. I'm still thinking about your DS. I'd love to hear how you handle it.

    smile


    Kriston
    Kriston #53976 08/30/09 04:37 PM
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    my ds and I have a talk before he goes to bed. I'll talk to him about this and see what his impression of this is and how he feels.

    Your thoughts have really helped.

    Last winter a boy 3yrs younger beat him at a one day chess tornament. My ds handled it very well, which I was impressed with. He seems to do great with competion unless something seems unfair.

    This is probally more than you wanted to know. This site helps me think things thru. Thanks.

    Social goes from good to not so good, then good again. Sometimes the neighbors kids have been fed up with him. I'm hoping he has learned from that. Sometimes he leaves himself out because he is sensitive to cheating or ruffness. Right now, it seems pretty good. He good at sports so that helps a lot. Kids are interested in being with him. He is an idea guy and get kids to go along. There is much potential socially. it's a slow process for him. He says he is better at remember stuff than other peoples feelings. He can be very driven and intense.





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    Originally Posted by onthegomom
    Last winter a boy 3yrs younger beat him at a one day chess tornament. My ds handled it very well, which I was impressed with. He seems to do great with competion unless something seems unfair.

    This is a really, really, really good sign. Being unable to handle fair compition at age 9 is are common sign of the damage of being underchallenged at school for 'more' than what the child can tolerate. Younger sibs don't have so much of a problem with this, but gifted oldests and gifted onlies are very vulnerable. Of course more than handling it well in the moment, did it dampen his enthusiasm to play with other kids again?


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    Grinity #53997 08/30/09 08:38 PM
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    He was not discouraged. He said well everyone who beat him went to the tournament so they were good competion. This was my ds9 's 1st tournament.(it's a library casual event) He then said he definitely wanted to come back when they were having chess class/games/club in last summer. He loved this! He said he would like to go to chess camp next summer. (I'll have to see if I can work that out.)

    I'm hoping he gets into Chess club this winter. It's questionable - the limited enrollment is for 4th Grade and up and he is in 3rd. If there is room they will let him in.

    Last edited by onthegomom; 08/31/09 05:40 AM.
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    (you probally need to go to my first post to get some of this)

    well the pokemon kingdom at our house is now closed. How sad. (they had to close it at school due to trading issues last year too)

    My ds9 was really wanting someone to do Pokemon for a year and none of the neighbors did it until this summer. My son was so excited and this was a connection with the kids, to feel apart of something (even though he had to be king)

    The excitement got too big yesterday - anger, crying, threats and hurt feelings. I had to over rule the king NO MORE TRADING or exchanging of cards in any way and he must take a break from Pokemon. This just got too big.

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