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    Joined: Feb 2009
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    JJsMom Offline OP
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    EastnWest - DS5.5 was very nervous at his meet n greet, especially b/c no one he knew was in his class. At first, I was upset for him, but I think it was a good thing for DS. His teacher was able to realize his potential easier because he didn't have his normal distractions (i.e., former classmates). LOL.

    Everything will be ok!

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    Got an email from the teacher that DD4 is playing a lot by herself and that she does not like to play with other kids even when asked to do so. I asked DD about how she likes to play at school and she told me that she likes to play by herself because the other kids "mess up" her stuff and that she "gets more done" when she plays alone. She is very intense when she plays and seems to have a game plan. She seems happy and not lonely to me. Why is it that preferring to be alone is such a bad thing? If she is happy with it why can't her teacher be? Any thoughts or suggestions? Am I off here in my thinking?

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    Irisheyes and JJsMom -

    Thanks so much! smile

    It turned out to be good and not so good.

    the good - one of his best buddies from preschool will be attending the same school, and ***drumroll*** they are assigned to the same teacher! What a huge relief on that front. both boys are going to be so excited. laugh Hopefully, they won't be too excited. we may have just lost the advantage that your son had JJsmom. wink

    now the not so good - I am very disheartened by the class itself. The teacher seems nice enough, but the set-up seems so demoralizing! what is with the expectations! Why do they have to color in the lines? Why does a 5 year old need to know how to write a sentence with correct capitalization and spaces between each word? Why is there only one teacher for 25 kids? (not inclduing the morning aid and parent volunteers) Why is there no music, PE, etc. unless the parents' fund raise? When will their individuality, spontaneity, and instincts be nurtured? Well, I guess I know the answer to that one: un-after schooling at home!

    My DH says I need to relax. it is only a few hours a day...
    He is right. I guess I have an ideal in my head that will have to wait to be realized.

    thanks for listening...


    EW

    Last edited by EastnWest; 08/25/09 11:18 AM. Reason: word choice
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    Originally Posted by alli-cat10
    Not exactly a social butterfly until she warms up.


    from one of your previous posts. maybe your dd is just taking her time. makes sense to play by herself until she finds a kindred spirit.

    maybe point that out to the teacher?

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    alli-cat10,

    I remember feeling stung when dd (then 4)'s pre-k teacher told us at the parent/teacher conference that she was worried about dd's sociability because she didn't greet the other kids when she entered the classroom in the morning. She just went directly to a certain area of the room and started playing by herself.

    But after a couple of weeks of worry -- and prodding dd with questions about whether she played with the other children -- I just let it be. I decided, why shouldn't she be allowed to do what she wants with her own "free choice" time?

    That being said, I also knew that dd did have friends in the class (because she had been at the same school for awhile and I had previously had the chance to observe when volunteering and at birthday parties, etc).

    Perhaps you could email the teacher back -- tell her you appreciate her looking out for dd -- but that she does take some time to warm up. You might ask her for suggestions of children in the class who may have similar interests as your dd and then set up an outside play date. I really think at this age, familiarity breeds friendship. Plus, one on one can be a lot easier for some kids than the madness of the playground.

    And on the plus side, at least you have a teacher who is paying attention to the kids. smile

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    Originally Posted by alli-cat10
    Got an email from the teacher that DD4 is playing a lot by herself and that she does not like to play with other kids even when asked to do so. I asked DD about how she likes to play at school and she told me that she likes to play by herself because the other kids "mess up" her stuff and that she "gets more done" when she plays alone. She is very intense when she plays and seems to have a game plan. She seems happy and not lonely to me. Why is it that preferring to be alone is such a bad thing? If she is happy with it why can't her teacher be? Any thoughts or suggestions? Am I off here in my thinking?

    Don't worry about it. There is nothing wrong with playing on her own as long as she is happy and not rude to the other kids. Not everybody is an extrovert and/or wants to be around other people.

    At the last year PreK conference I got the same comments about DS5. I was surprised since he is an outgoing kid at least compare to his older brother, but truth to be told he prefers to play with older brother. As I am typing this he is having a great time with his 11 year old cousin. Anyway by the end of the school year he was one of the most popular kids having bunch of good friends.


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    Alli-cat:

    Probably fine that she plays on her own, but you might want to encourage her with ways to respond to the other kids when she feels like they are messing her stuff up. She does need those skills. My boys both tend to stay away from the rowdier kids and go off on their own as well, but they do need to learn those social skills earlier than we like to think b/c of bullying, etc.

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    So, got teacher assignment ... the last-minute hire who I know nothing about. Trying to keep an open mind, sigh.

    And to make matters worse DS7 got a new teacher as well, one who sent a cursive-written postcard about being a mature and responsible second grader. She didn't even address him by name at the top! And, um, maybe she doesn't realize that the kids don't LEARN cursive till 2nd grade. So, of course, the kid who's reading a year ahead needed me to read the card to him. NOT boding well.

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    Alli-cat: I think the playing on their own is quite normal at times, providing they do things with peers at times. DS5 gets the same way at times. He is quite an outgoing kid...but if he doesn't like how others play he would probably rather play by himself. I worked with 4 & 5's the last couple years in schools and I have to say that's fairly common for kids that age. Anyhow, hopefully they will give it time and see that it's not really a problem. But I have to say that it is great they are communicating with you. That is always a great sign with schools ; )

    EastnWest: Glad DS will have a friend in class. That stinks about all the extra stuff missing with the music and art, but I assume when he is in a full day program next year they will have that, right? I guess for now you can just get him involved in those things after school and in other places (like library music programs or other things like that).

    Mom2twoboys: cursive? seriously? Hopefully that was a complete oversight and she will catch on quickly. ; )




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    Alli-cat: my DS5.5 also doesn't like people messing up his stuff, but he's very social. He prefers to play with the "more mature" girls in his class, as opposed to the "less mature" boys. Since your DC is a girl, she is probably the maturist in the class and doesn't have that "older" friend. On the flip side, it's very common for perfectionists to not want anyone touching their things, messing them up, and feel they are better off doing "it" by themselves (I am VERY guilty of all three, especially the latter in the "real world").

    EastnWest: glad your DS has a friend! And if it's any relief to hear, my DS's class is doing the same thing - and he is bored!

    Mom2twoboys: I know we are all guilty of thinkin' the worst because we've all fought to get our kids where they need to be... but rookie teachers aren't always THAT bad. Maybe the cursive post card shows she has high expectations for her class which might be a plus for your DS7!!! wink

    And just a random update from me: DS5.5 still won't tell me what he does at school. He thinks it's funny NOT to tell me. But I can tell when he's really bored b/c he comes home with the worst attitude!!! His homework tonight was to read a 7 page book - This is my mom. She works here. This is my dad. He works here. He fought me tooth and nail at first, then was like, "duh". Sad when HE is the one saying that! We still have 3-4 more weeks of testing/meetings/etc... fun!

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