Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Just Need some Support

One family we spend time with more than most have a daughter the same age as our son who is two year back as she needed to repeat a grade. The kids have a blast together & we get along well with the parents just fine. There was definitely the initial awkwardness when our guy skipped ahead... and the parents kept asking us what we did to help him along. (These were not any of the offensive ones who suggested hot-HOUSING.) They were honestly trying to see if there was anything they could do to help their child.

Now that we are past the initial "discovery," though, we still talk about various achievements, accomplishments, etc... rarely in contrast -- just in relation to each child individually.

I think I'm assuming a broader definition of "boat." Of course one can define it so narrowly such that every child has his own boat... but I wasn't.

By virtue of having nearly all of my peers in that "boat" of the "self-contained GT program," all the parents enjoyed a very comfortable peer group. Clearly, every child was at a different level within the GT program, but there was rarely an opportunity for uncomfortable/awkward GT vs non-GT contrasts to surface. We also had a tremendously diverse group of kids who came from every conceivable background.

And, no, parents do not have to necessarily be in the GT-Community in order to find friendship and support... although sharing support is arguably easier within the "community."

Well... there are certainly kids who are below average... and above average... so why would it not follow that some are smack-dab-in-the-middle average? I was not using the label as a pejorative. It was simply another track of students at the school.

I don't often pull the "I got a niece who is severely DD" card, but your from-far-left-field question kinda invites it. I also have an employee in his 30's who is has DS, and functions at a 10yo level, if that. He's been on staff for several years now. A close friend of my wife has a child who suffered severe brain damage as an infant and will never walk, talk, see or anything else for that matter. Each of these kids has his own developmental achievements and milestones that are celebrated by their family and friends.

So, no -- I wouldn't stoop to the crass suggestion that a SDD child has less to love, care about or be interested in... and I suspect that none of the thousands upon thousands of posts within this GT-Community even come close to such.

I've never seen anything here that approaches that sentiment. I certainly wouldn't consider this aspect of our social interaction to be unique. Diplomacy, discretion, empathy & good ol' common sense are required in most any social situation, right?

But the examples you provide (raise vs. lay-off; great health vs. diabetes) aren't really analogous to our situation given that no GT-parent would consider "non-GT" to be a detriment of any sort. Whereas lay-offs and diabetes are reasonably considered detrimental in comparison to their counterparts.

While I would easily say, "Gee, it really sucks that you got laid-off, Bob!" I would never, EVER say, "Gee, it really sucks that your kid can't solve trig problems in his head."

Thanks for the interesting discussion.

I got a little testy with one teacher because she refused to give an academic award to our son for math because she felt he didn't have to work as hard as the others to accomplish what he did. I didn't push it, but I was really steamed by the notion that his achievement somehow didn't count and didn't deserve recognition simply because he expended less effort in reaching the goal.

What a heck of a thing to teach a child.

I really like this analogy. DD3 learned to hop on one foot the other day (yes, after much hard work), and it was such a joy to her and to the family when she finally figured it out. I have no idea whether she's early or late or average. That simply does not matter.

But no, we haven't shared it outside of the family, simply because we don't really see why others would be interested. I guess that sort of makes (part of) your point, passthepotatoes. But I nonetheless am interested in the milestones of my friends' babies (even though I've long forgotten what is "normal" timing, and don't keep track of how old the babies are anyway) because it seems like one of the only ways to communicate with/about a child who is not yet verbal. I think this sort of thing can be totally appropriate in some contexts.

There seems to me, to be two main themes here 1- yes, consideration of others, but secondly, just a frustration that this rule applies to us, more than others. I see FB as a typical example. Nobody blinks an eye - and in fact it is quite lovely to learn about the successes of my friends children in baseball, dance recitals and swimming. These successes are not simply earned by hard work, but also due to innate ability. The rules change though, when we talk about academic achievements. To assume that the success of our children is just due to their I.Q., in academic challenges, chess etc. is doing them an injustice, and would never be accepted in other fields. In fact, this lack of appreciation may somewhat account, in part, for the high drop-out rate of gifted children.
Remembering school, both my brother and myself went to great lengths to hide our intelligence. I certainly do not condone full on bragging by anyone, but kids pick up more than we expect, and an absence of discussion about things that they have worked for, just because a certain level of I.Q. is also required for the field, is to me, a frustrating double- standard in this society.

So, are you saying if you post a picture of your kid at the science fair or orchestra or whatever geeky activity that people will be unsupportive or resent hearing about it - but if it was soccer it would be fine?

A lot of people see it as different to brag about the precociousness of when your child mastered sentences because they recognize this is a pretty natural process for most kids and that the range of when it happens is in the long run not particularly significant.

You've got it - your use of the word 'geeky' already implies lack of support.

Oh - and most kids can hit a ball, kind of dance, and swim. These are pretty natural processes for most kids and the range of when it happens is in the long run not particularly significant.

My kids weren't particularly early talkers by the way, but I had no problem with learning about others, and in fact enjoyed being amazed at how different babies could be.

This really isn't a big issue with me now-a-days, I've learnt the rules, and have wonderful friends that support my family. I do think though, if this message board helps some parents deal with feelings of isolation - isn't that wonderful?

I need some help. We are a military family that has recently retired. My 12 year old daughter has been tested in 5 different school districts and been identified as Gifted and Talented in all of them. Some have great programs for GT, some have good programs for GT, and some school systems have no GT program at all. Now we are retired and in Northern Virginia for the next 6 years at least, hopefully more.

Here's my problem: The last school system didn't have a GT program. So, they took my 6th grade daughter and placed her in advanced 7th grade math (pre-algebra). This year, the school system has an "in school pull out" program once a week called "Signet" but they don't want to place my daughter in Algebra, because Algebra is 8th grade math! So, I'm frustrated. Her grades in 7th grade AP math were so-so (81% for the year), but she passed pre-Algebra and should be moving into Algebra. The school administrators are saying that she has to take 7th grade pre-Algebra and point to her medicore grades to justify their decision. She's GT and will be bored stiff if she retakes this math class.

Here's my question: As parents and other associated with GT, do you agree with the school's decision? If so, why do you agree?

If you don't agree, can you please provide me some solid points to make with the school superintendent (whom I suspect will back the school's position) other than "She's already taken pre-Algebra." It seems like a simple and logical arguement to me; that if a student transferring in has already passed a class they move on to the next level; but something isn't clicking with the school administrators and I want to act in my daughter's best interests.

Please advise.

That's only true if you lack geek pride. Geek is a positive form of identification in our family and that was the way in which I used the word.


I may have gotten the wrong impression from the earlier post. I thought it was talking about successes in the form of activities students chose to work at and be involved in such as training with the baseball team or preparing for recitals. To me that would be the functional equivalent of something like preparing for the science fair. Both of these activities suggest a level of involvement beyond - the more natural milestone of kicked the ball or spoke a two word sentence. I was curious if people see a different level of freedom of discussing things like the science fair versus the soccer team.


Hopefully a great beginning to bridging to more IRL support too.

Here's my question: As parents and other associated with GT, do you agree with the school's decision? If so, why do you agree?

Just on the face of things I would say no that I do not agree. It seems that your daughter passed the class and has likely mastered the material. I think that she would be bored repeating it again. Do you have achievement test scores in math or something similar to point to that would establish the fact that she excels in math. Also a letter from her former pre-algebra math teacher at her old school stating that based on her observations of having your daughter in class there would be no benefit to her repeating that class over again might help. You might also want to gather some information together about the general benefits of accelerating a gifted child. The school would not hold back a child that got an 81% in math and essentially that is what they are doing with your child. Again, I think I would just try to gather as much "proof" as you can that your daughter is ready to move on and try to convince them that the grade itself is not the whole story. There must have been a reason that your daughter was accelerated in the first place and I would start there and move forward. Good luck!

81 is a B right? Is a B now universally considered mediocre? Traditionally B meant a student mastered material and was achieving well. A meant exceptionally high acheivement.