Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Boy Scouts--Building Confidence and Self Esteem?

The talent book idea sounds like a coping mechanism that a smart kid would come up with. The chink in the armor of course is that these delays don't just get in the way of things he doesn't care about doing but touch up against things he may really value - math, music, being with other people and of course feeling well. I think it is great if he can embrace his strengths, but I would look a bit past the surface comments there. Kids often say they are too cool for something that scares them or that they have to work at - it doesn't mean there isn't hurt underneath.

I wasn't clear from your post. Is your belief that he sees you are pessimistic but his whole view of that is that it is funny? Do you think on any level he hears your worries as a lack of trust and confidence in his abilities? I'll be direct - it is hard for me to really believe any kid would not pick up on this and feel bad about it. At the very core of it - helicopter parenting says to the kid that you don't believe in them or trust them.

Typically, it is the top of the class that earns the Eagle Scout and Gold Award (Girl Scouts). These are the ones that stick it out when sports and all get in the way. That is why these awards get them scholarships and so much prestige. Most of the astronauts and engineers earned these awards.

He argues that he can and will work on physical conditioning at home--on the treadmill, where he can easily track his progress and he has only himself to compete with, and he can work out using our weight machine and Wii Fit and I let him use our living room as an obstacle course if he wants to.

I think part of the reason for wanting to work on physical things in the privacy of his own home is that a public schooled friend told us that if kids found out he was weak he would be bullied, but he was only talking about if my son ever went back to the public school. Another friend, several years older, agreed that he would need "protection" from these bullies if he ever went back to school. All of the kids in my son's scout troop, except for my son, go to that public school and I think I can understand why my son might want to try to hide his mild disability for that reason. The potential bullying problem is what put me into helicopter mode. My daughter, as a child, could easily take care of herself and I was never a helicopter parent with her. She said she learned to be mean in preschool so that usually nobody bothered her, but if they did, she took care of it right away and they didn't bother her again, and she always had an army of friends.

Hmm...he's saying he should focus his attention on his strengths and he's saying he'll work out alone at home. It doesn't matter to me but I'll do it, a bit of a contradiction there.

To be clear I'm not saying I can't imagine how you went into helicopter mode in the first place. It doesn't take a lot of imagination to figure out how that would come about and I recognize the intended kindness that underlies overprotection. However, it can still really hurt a kid. I'd suggest really doing some honest assessment about how parental worry and helicoptering may really diminish a child's sense of confidence and in their potential for meaningful relationships with others and for the possibility of growth.

http://www.dukegiftedletter.com/articles/vol8no2_feature.html

I beg to differ. I do not belive most engineers earned those awards. I am an engineer, and none of my female engineer friends earned (or had even heard of) a gold award. There may be some correlation between high scouting awards and high life achievement, but I don't think there's a correlation between engineering degrees and scouting awards.

Maybe not in your area. We have been to many programs at NASA and Women in Engineering where these women reach out and connect. If anyone gets a chance to attend, they are wonderful.

I beg to differ on the physical conditioning. Treadmills are fine, but pushups and situps and whole body calisthenics, especially done in ladders, can be more beneficial. Very often, its the weakness in the core muscles as well as balance that make someone weak or strong. Focusing on these - core and balance - can compensate for weaknesses in other areas. I'd look up "Yoga for Regular Guys" and Pavel Tsatsouline. Both exercise regimes can be done at home with minimal equipment in 20-30 min per day. The latter develops explosive strength which is what is needed to feel confident about defending oneself.

I changed my weight training the last year and have increased my max by 50% in some areas. The easy gains come early, but it is the slow incrementals that add up over time. Diet, especially protein and milk intake, has a huge effect as well.

For a child who has not entered puberty, there is often no comparison to the man that emerges from the other side. Again, diet and exercise has huge affect as does the maturing of the immune system. Ugly duckling rule applies to boys as well.

Hey everybody, just posting back to state that cub scouts is going well for our ds who just turned 9 on Monday .
He is going for a week day camp this week and so far everything seems to be going ok. He missed the overnight camp a couple weekends back due to a virus. His allergies are bad this week, but the doc said I was not giving him a full dose anyway, so we increased it and he has been enjoying himself. Alot.
Dh was with him Monday and I went Tuesday just to make sure he was settling in ok, and they did request adult volunteers. Today and tomorrow he is on his own but I am pretty sure he will be fine now that he knows several of the kids a bit better.
The pack leader is pretty laid back and the camp really keeps things moving, there isn't a lot of boring waiting time for the kids. There is a good mix of kids, for the most part polite and fun.
Anyhow, so far so good.