Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Telling friends about grade acceleration

Our school system recently recommended that my daughter skip 1st grade. We agree that this is the best option for her. Our problem is how does she tell her friends, in her current class, that she will be in 2nd grade next year? Any advice?

Hi njmom3. I'm in the same boat. At first my dd only told her few closest friends. Then word got out. Her friends were a little sad she won't be in her class next year but so far none of the kids have asked too much about it. It's the parents of the kids that have been difficult for me. I've been asked what I did with her to get her that far ahead. I've been told that it's not going to be easy for her socially. And that there's more to school than academics. My pat answer has become, "Well, it's what the school recommends and we think she'll be fine."

Good luck!

My DD4 is skipping K next year. She's very young and very excited and she just tells anyone if the subject comes up. I think the skip makes her feel even more like a "big kid." The response seems to be "whatever." She's huge for her age, though, and already has a couple of loose teeth on the bottom, so people might not realize.

DS9 skipped 3. He changed schools as part of the skip. None of his old friends seem to mention it when they're together with him.

Meanwhile, a boy in DS9's old 2nd grade class skipped 1 and no one really said much after the first day of school. DS9 told me that he fit into the class well, in spite of being a tiny kid. His thought processes seemed to be on the same level as his classmates, so this was probably a big part of it.

My impression of skips and retentions in young grades (say, up to 4th) is that the kids don't care or even notice too much. I guess they're still very flexible before they're 10.

Val

We felt a little awkward at first when DS skipped from K to 1st midyear, last year. But everyone's pretty much over it now.

We haven't really had any troubles with DS6 having skipped K this past year--the parents are more curious than the kids, but most of them had encountered him and it didn't surprise them. There are different classrooms among the K classes (some full day, some half day, some the other half day), so it's about the same as being in another classroom--some of them may not even have really realized he wasn't with them, LOL!

I remember thinking that it was such a HUGE issue at the time - that everyone would be talking/gossiping/judging our decision to accelerate. But it turned out to be such a non-issue. A couple of parents actually approached me, but more out of curiosity than anything else. Why did you accelerate was best answered with a "coz we're looking for a better fit" or something vague like that rather than a detailed response. In fact, in most situations the less said, the better.

In terms of friendships, we spoke to the girls about having friends of all different ages, sizes, grades, etc. and that being in the same class as someone didn't determine who you could be friends with.

Hope your transition goes well... jojo

I'm a wimp, but we put off telling everyone we could until they found out through the grapevine. Dd#1 skipped 5th this past school year. Like other posters have mentioned, it felt like a big deal at the time and we did have some judgement early on, but as we got into the year we heard a lot less about it. I don't know if people are still judging it, but we hear very little about it anymore even from family members who were vocal critics.

We, too, took the "this is what the school is recommending" approach and it was true. I didn't suggest the grade skip. The school suggested it to us. It has worked well thus far both socially and academically and dd continues to be a straight A student but at least one who had to do a little work to get some of those As.

When our ds7 skipped first the entire school it seemed knew about it within a few days. He tells one child and it spreads like wildfire. He's a very social and outgoing child and I think he enjoyed the attention. When someone asked him he told them that he needed to do harder subjects. We told him not to say because first grade is too easy. We didn't want to make other children feel bad who didn't find it easy.

DD10's skip to 6th she told one or two kids. Most didn't believe her and thought she was lying (nice) and the rest either didn't care or thought it was cool.

Mostly the parents have the most to say. And mostly they are negative to the idea. When they ask and we tell them that she was bored or it was too easy, they act somewhat horrified and tell me they couldn't dream of sending their child off to college a year sooner, or that they wouldn't mess with their child's friends/social life. My mother was convinced that bigger children would beat DS up (I'm still not sure where she got this West Side Story impression of elementary school....)

I have been reading this post with great interest as our DS7 will be skipping Year 3 and Year 4 and going straight into Year 5 in September (we are in the UK). It is not a decision that we or the school have taken lightly, and I am sure that there will be lots of criticism (I know that a lot of the teachers have been concerned about the "social side").

DH and I told our DS on the weekend and he seems really pleased as he will be getting some challenging work (at the moment any challenging work he does get is in one-to-one lessons). We haven't told any friends and no-one else at school knows - I'm like Cricket2 and will just wait for everyone to find out via the grapevine! I am dreading all the comments from the other parents, but I do like the "better fit" wording!

Too funny, I signed in today thinking that I might ask this very question...
We are so chicken! My DD9 is skipping 4th and told one friend two days ago. The response was not great, the child seemed threatened or scared and my DD felt a little weird.
My DD5 is skipping K and we haven't told anyone. She is nervous about reactions and I think we need to just get over it and start telling people.

What is appropriate for me to say? I like what someone here said, that is better to say little rather than more. I think that I have a tendency to say too much, to try to be transparent and make people understand us, when I should have a pat line like "it was just a good decision for her" or something. Can I just say that they are smart, or is that obnoxious?

Just be honest. Seriously, if other people have a problem with the idea...well, it's their problem and not yours. Think of this as a way to distinguish the cool people from the ones who aren't so cool.

My DD4 is thrilled that she's going to 1st grade next year and DS9 is pretty excited about starting middle school. To be honest, she might have been equally thrilled to be starting kindergarten, though I think she does have some idea that she's skipping kindergarten.

<sigh> If schools were reasonable about subject- and grade-accelerations for all kids who were able for them, mixed age classrooms would be the norm and we wouldn't have these problems!

Val

I thing a good rule of thumb is to say what you wouldnt mind you child overhearing. 'admins reccomended it'is an old favorite. so is - best fit and learn how to learn. You can always try - its what shes ready for. body language matters. project relaxed confidence even if you have to practice in a mirror. If they tell dire stories, have a relaxed: You dont say? ready. enjoy!

DS6 is being radically acce;erated to 4th next year. The people that know him understand why it's being done. The people that don't, draw their own conclusions. I think that because it's multi grades rather than just one grade level has made it easier in a way. A single grade skip causes the competitive/envious streak in some people. Multi grade skipping is so far out of the realm of possibility for most people that they just mentally label my son as a "freak of nature" and let it go.

My DS for his part just tells people it's because he's completed all of the other grades.

Yes, I think it helps that my DS spent at least part of the year in K and 1st before being accelerated to 2nd. So he can say, "I was in Ms. So-and-so's first grade last year." Somehow, people are more willing to accept that he is in 2nd and didn't "skip" anything.

Skipping K is more about the adults then the kids - since the peer group is just curious. More pointed questions they ask we found to be feed to them from adults. Agree with grinty - keep all talk what you don't mind hearing them tell anyone.

The one upside to older skips - I think sometimes - kids who were in the class or know the child - kinda get it anyway. Even when our pre-schooler told her friends she was going to first there was some huh but frankly I think it made some of the parents feel better. Like this isn't the basis for comparison - your kid is really bright. ours is just different.

We had one awkward moment with a neighbor kid who seemed to ask about every six weeks. In a not so great moment, I just said God made her brain different. I'd take that back if I could but in my head I often think of the little boys next door who were without training wheels at 3 years old. Just because they were 3 nobody kept saying stick the training wheels back on. I think like many posts here it is just getting comfy with it as the parent. Like Grinty or others noted, smile and ignore the stories of lives ruined by being youngest in grade. I think almost all the ones we heard were about the youngest in grade or a few who started a little early. I just figure that the decisions for those kids weren't made with the bevy of data we held on ours.

I'm a work in progress. But I'm striving to be a person who only address the issues that will impact a difference for my family. And that means just letting a lot of what people say go... I will say I think 90% (how is that for made up) of inquiries, critical comments, etc. came during the summer before either made a move. Now we only get the occasional, huh, when folks try to figure out the grade/age disparity. They say, I skipped. And that is it.

BWBShari, I wish we'd done that... would have been better to get it right the first time.

The part of your answer that I bolded made me think of how many like to say, "all kids are gifted". But I doubt it would go over well to say, "You know what they say, 'all kids are gifted', academics is my kids gift." I say sticking with saying the school thought it was for the best at this time for your child.

How do you go about having your child skip K? My daughter is 3 and can not start K until August 2011. She is already reading, adding, has known all of her colors and letters before age 2. I pulled up the K web site 2 months ago and out of 80 sight words she knew 76. I know she will be bored come K.

You need to talk to your administration, the principal, find out what the procedure is, if you need her tested, etc.