Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Telling friends about grade acceleration

Our school system recently recommended that my daughter skip 1st grade. We agree that this is the best option for her. Our problem is how does she tell her friends, in her current class, that she will be in 2nd grade next year? Any advice?

Hi njmom3. I'm in the same boat. At first my dd only told her few closest friends. Then word got out. Her friends were a little sad she won't be in her class next year but so far none of the kids have asked too much about it. It's the parents of the kids that have been difficult for me. I've been asked what I did with her to get her that far ahead. I've been told that it's not going to be easy for her socially. And that there's more to school than academics. My pat answer has become, "Well, it's what the school recommends and we think she'll be fine."

Good luck!

My DD4 is skipping K next year. She's very young and very excited and she just tells anyone if the subject comes up. I think the skip makes her feel even more like a "big kid." The response seems to be "whatever." She's huge for her age, though, and already has a couple of loose teeth on the bottom, so people might not realize.

DS9 skipped 3. He changed schools as part of the skip. None of his old friends seem to mention it when they're together with him.

Meanwhile, a boy in DS9's old 2nd grade class skipped 1 and no one really said much after the first day of school. DS9 told me that he fit into the class well, in spite of being a tiny kid. His thought processes seemed to be on the same level as his classmates, so this was probably a big part of it.

My impression of skips and retentions in young grades (say, up to 4th) is that the kids don't care or even notice too much. I guess they're still very flexible before they're 10.

Val

We felt a little awkward at first when DS skipped from K to 1st midyear, last year. But everyone's pretty much over it now.

We haven't really had any troubles with DS6 having skipped K this past year--the parents are more curious than the kids, but most of them had encountered him and it didn't surprise them. There are different classrooms among the K classes (some full day, some half day, some the other half day), so it's about the same as being in another classroom--some of them may not even have really realized he wasn't with them, LOL!

I remember thinking that it was such a HUGE issue at the time - that everyone would be talking/gossiping/judging our decision to accelerate. But it turned out to be such a non-issue. A couple of parents actually approached me, but more out of curiosity than anything else. Why did you accelerate was best answered with a "coz we're looking for a better fit" or something vague like that rather than a detailed response. In fact, in most situations the less said, the better.

In terms of friendships, we spoke to the girls about having friends of all different ages, sizes, grades, etc. and that being in the same class as someone didn't determine who you could be friends with.

Hope your transition goes well... jojo

I'm a wimp, but we put off telling everyone we could until they found out through the grapevine. Dd#1 skipped 5th this past school year. Like other posters have mentioned, it felt like a big deal at the time and we did have some judgement early on, but as we got into the year we heard a lot less about it. I don't know if people are still judging it, but we hear very little about it anymore even from family members who were vocal critics.

We, too, took the "this is what the school is recommending" approach and it was true. I didn't suggest the grade skip. The school suggested it to us. It has worked well thus far both socially and academically and dd continues to be a straight A student but at least one who had to do a little work to get some of those As.

When our ds7 skipped first the entire school it seemed knew about it within a few days. He tells one child and it spreads like wildfire. He's a very social and outgoing child and I think he enjoyed the attention. When someone asked him he told them that he needed to do harder subjects. We told him not to say because first grade is too easy. We didn't want to make other children feel bad who didn't find it easy.

DD10's skip to 6th she told one or two kids. Most didn't believe her and thought she was lying (nice) and the rest either didn't care or thought it was cool.

Mostly the parents have the most to say. And mostly they are negative to the idea. When they ask and we tell them that she was bored or it was too easy, they act somewhat horrified and tell me they couldn't dream of sending their child off to college a year sooner, or that they wouldn't mess with their child's friends/social life. My mother was convinced that bigger children would beat DS up (I'm still not sure where she got this West Side Story impression of elementary school....)

I have been reading this post with great interest as our DS7 will be skipping Year 3 and Year 4 and going straight into Year 5 in September (we are in the UK). It is not a decision that we or the school have taken lightly, and I am sure that there will be lots of criticism (I know that a lot of the teachers have been concerned about the "social side").

DH and I told our DS on the weekend and he seems really pleased as he will be getting some challenging work (at the moment any challenging work he does get is in one-to-one lessons). We haven't told any friends and no-one else at school knows - I'm like Cricket2 and will just wait for everyone to find out via the grapevine! I am dreading all the comments from the other parents, but I do like the "better fit" wording!

Too funny, I signed in today thinking that I might ask this very question...
We are so chicken! My DD9 is skipping 4th and told one friend two days ago. The response was not great, the child seemed threatened or scared and my DD felt a little weird.
My DD5 is skipping K and we haven't told anyone. She is nervous about reactions and I think we need to just get over it and start telling people.

What is appropriate for me to say? I like what someone here said, that is better to say little rather than more. I think that I have a tendency to say too much, to try to be transparent and make people understand us, when I should have a pat line like "it was just a good decision for her" or something. Can I just say that they are smart, or is that obnoxious?