Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Reluctance of child to accelerate

Hi Everyone,

I have a question about a (iq tested HG+) child who appears to fit in with her chronological peers and be very well balanced, happy child (so teacher tells us). As she is a self-taught reader from just after 2 years, and at 5, has a reading age of around 10, and vocab, knowledge, abstract thinking are all well beyond her chronological age, I wonder what others thought of this. My concern arises after reading the Miraca Goss research on the Forced Choice Dilemma - the choice between achievement or the social pressure to camouflage to fit in with others. However,the teacher says she can see none of the red flags that this child is bored or unhappy (ie. withdrawing, disrupting, changes in behavior - although she rarely participates in class conversations). Apparently, they ask her quite a bit whether she would like to read with children two grades up, and to participate in enrichment activities but she flatly refuses - even though some other kids in the class want to go off with the teacher and do it! Apparently, they tell me, they have tried all sorts of strategies but she gets a bit angry if they persist in asking her. At home, she is different and engages in her own activities which she will go off and do herself (lots of writing, workbooks, watching documentaries etc) although I have noticed she is not as interested in reading her chapter books (she used to be obsessed) and she will tell me that she does not want to do X activity as 5 year olds don't do that. She also will refuse to take her chapter books to school to read in class as she tells me that none of the others are reading books at that level. She also sometimes refuses to play with board games, she previously played with her 9 year old brother, as she tells me 'those games are for older kids not 5 year olds'. When she is at her singing, dancing, drama class - she is with children ranging from 5 years to 9 years - she has chosen as friends in that class the oldest and she clearly acts older around them and is challenged. I wondered if anyone had any thoughts about this? Should I be concerned or just be happy that she seems to be happy. Should I just leave it until she lets me know that she is unhappy with X or Y situation? Perhaps she is just interested in other things and getting used to school at the moment.

Any input would be greatly appreciated.
thanks
Tiz

How does she react when she's working on material that challenges her and is not intuitively obvious? Does she shut down or keep at it, working through her frustration?

Does the teacher have chapter books she can choose from? DD7 refused to take in chapter books from home, but was happy to choose them when offered by the teacher.

I think it's important to have her appropriately challenged at school and would stay on top of it. Instead of letting her choose whether to read in school at the appropriate level or not, I'd give her the choice of how she was going to read at the appropriate level at school (go with the +2 grade for reading, chapter books from the teacher, chapter books from home).

Hi Tiz,

I've been letting my Preppie coast so far. He's one of the youngest in the class and has a goofy personality - I think he's genuinely enjoying hiimself.

That being said, I'm pretty sure he can outperform most of the current Gr 1 class and I do think that happiness and personal achievement are critically linked. So we're trying to line up some accommodations next semester to get him challenged. I would be very disappointed to think that he couldn't learn and have fun at the same time.

You're the best person to decide if she's really happy at the moment or just trying to blend - the pressure's dreadful isn't it!

Hi inky

At home she is absolutely fine with workbooks aimed at kids 2 grades on and so on. She does get very frustrated with longer writing activities though - the fine motor is definately not keeping up anywhere with what she wants to write. However, she has not stopped this completely and still does lots of writing at home. The teacher says she is displaying perfectionistic qualities in the classroom and is reluctant to write if she does not feel she can spell a word absolutely correct.
You are right - there have been no chapter books in the classroom so far. However, after our talk to the teacher my daughter tells me that one has appeared. So perhaps if she sees that there are chapter books - she may be more likely to read in the classroom - makes sense. thanks, Tiz

Hi BKD

Yes, there is definately virtue to that - they have just started school so perhaps I am worrying too much and I should just let her coast for a while as she gets used to the environment etc. I think I will be more worried in following years if she continues - as I find it difficult to believe she will be happy sitting for hours learning material she has learnt long before. The teacher feels that we are challenging her outside of school so it should not have too much impact at this stage. I will just have to keep an eye on it I guess. I agree - the pressure is dreadful - all parents want to do the right thing by their kids and not have any regrets. If they are happy, I am happy thanks, Tiz