Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Boy Scouts--Building Confidence and Self Esteem?

My son crossed over to Boy Scouts recently and I am hoping that it will be a positive experience for him but I am worried about things like camping and hiking when he is dealing with sensory issues causing him to always be too hot or too cold, too tired, feet hurt, etc. We will have to explain to a new group of scout leaders that although he looks normal, he has motor dyspraxia and might have difficulty with some physical activities the rest of the scouts have no trouble with, but he is also very bright and sensitive.

I am not sure how to prepare my son for the physical activities that are required in scouts. We do try to spend time on activities to increase his endurance but it is hard to convince him to work past the pain. He seems to be more sensitive than the average kid to pain from muscle aches and it is hard to convince him to just keep going anyway. I worry that he will get a bad headache while he is camping and he won't be able to take anything for it until it is too late and he will be miserable. I have lived with migraines since I was a child and I can't imagine having one while camping out.

Although he doesn't refuse to do new physical activities, I can see that it causes him some anxiety, especially when he has to do it in front of others. He knows that he might be teased about being weak and some people might not think he is doing his best when he is and that is something he will just have to deal with.

I think because of his issues it probably won't be as fun for him as it seems to be for most of the other boys who have no physical issues. I wonder if staying in scouts would help him build self confidence or if his self esteem would suffer.

Should I encourage my twice exceptional son to stay in scouts?

I wonder what your son feels about it. It sounds like you are working yourself up in your mind at this point. Perhaps you need to talk to your son. He is the one who knows what he is willing to take on and what he will try to tolerate.

Hi Lori, My son has been in scouts since cub scouts, I am also one the chairman of our troop, and have been active with the boys for over 5 years. The troop should be able to make accomadations for your son. Overcoming some hardships is also part of scouting, but within reason. We have had a wide varity of boys in our troop, and have had to make changes at times according to the scouts needs. Not knowing your son, or the troop, it is something you will have to feel out for yourself.
One of the best things a boy can get from scouting is the ability to do things with a group, and to be responsible for himself and others. A good troop strongly encourages personal responsibilty, they want the scouts to be in charge, to learn by their errors. In our troop, the boys are responsible for their own gear, their own food. If they (Not their parents) forget something, they have to make do. (Note we teach them first, and we set guidelines). It can be a great tool for seperating them from their parents, and teaching them how to deal with situations. That being said, it's not always for all boys, some do not like the program. Hopefully it can work out well for your son. If you have any scouting questions please contact me.

My advice is to try not to get ahead of yourself worrying about every worst case scenario. If your son has concerns I would encourage him to talk to the leader and to make his needs known If he doesn't want to do that now I'd say it is fine if he wants to wait until a specific scenario comes up. I would never underestimate the power of a child being highly motivated to succeed at any activity creating the opportunity for them to overcome some challenges. That isn't to say he's going to be able to run marathons, but that he might ride out being cold or tired much better when he's in the moment with an activity he enjoys (than he would if he was at home with a worried mom). I understand the desire to protect him from hurt...but that can also prevent him from growth too.

I agree that you should encourage him to move up and try it. If it's not an enriching experience, he can choose to leave at any time. Perhaps he'll feel better in the long run if he gives himself the chance to expand his horizons by doing things that don't come so naturally.

My oldest son put in one year with the BSA, then decided that it was too hard and there wasn't enough fun for him. My second son is enjoying BSA, and it has stretched him in many ways. He is more responsible and resourceful than he was a year ago. He has learned some hard lessons (like get your book signed immediately, or the leader may not remember that you did such and such at camp, and you'll have to do it all over again!) but overall, it has brought him a sense of empowerment and some new buddies. He has his eye on eagle.

Lori, did he cross over with other Webelos? Is he in the same troop with them? Did he get along well with them, and they are understanding of his challenges?

If this is something he wants to do, and he should have made that decision already since he crossed over, encourage him to give it his all for a certain period of time. Remember, he's not in competition with the other boys, he's in this for his own growth and he's the only one to measure that against.

Lori,

I was in scouts for a long time and was Senior Patrol Leader. We had one Scout named Charlie and the other guys were rough on him to a large degree. He was goofy, a bit of a nerd ( like me), but he also stuck it out. He earned everyones' respect.

The incident that sticks in my mind was when we had out contest during one of our campouts among the patrols to see who would have to hump out the others' gear. The winners got to do nothing while the next winner down could pick their loads all the way down to the bottom, etc.

Well, each patrol drew lots for pairs of boys to compete and Charlie was picked in one. The contest was to navigate to the top of a hill, find another waypoint, then come back. It looked easy, but it was hard. The boy chosen with Charlie got all upset, so I volunteered to be with Charlie.

We won by 10 minutes. Charlie knew his stuff. I just walked with him and we talked. The look on everyone's face when we showed up was priceless. That incident taught everyone a lesson. And everyone wanted Charlie on their team after that.

A lot of scouting is physical, but most of it is mental - especially the merit badges.

There is nothing in the Scouting Code about being a Manly Man, most of it is about moral courage.

Edit: I told a lot of stories around the campfire. I think your son would be very good at that.

Girl Scouts is a great place for gifties. My daughter enjoys working towards badges. She will bridge to Cadettes (across Royal Gorge) on May 9. She works for every higher award. It is almost always fair (I have been her leader) and she works hard and receives a badge or award for her efforts. She has learned so much from this and has fulfilled so much "extra". You can do extra stuff and we enjoy doing it.

I wish all of life were like this.

I can't help but post on this thread... when I was a little girl I was in Brownies and discovered that (though I liked the uniform) it was very difficult, even painful, for me to be part of a group. I can vividly remember going home and telling my puzzled mother that I could not continue with Brownies because the "group think" made me so acutely uncomfortable. I was 6, and this difficulty has persisted all my life.

Anyway, my experience in not really relevant to this discussion... though I sometimes think I am projecting this "inability to join" onto my ds6-- who might well love scouts!

That is so funny because I was a Brownie dropout. When my daughter wanted to join, I tried so hard to talk her out of it. Two years later, I was a leader and realized how great it was. There is also Juliette's for those who just do the activities with their moms. My daughter was this for this year and we joined cool activities for other things. It is so different than it used to be. The badge stuff is so fun.