Gifted Bulletin Board

Welcome to the Gifted Issues Discussion Forum.

We invite you to share your experiences and to post information about advocacy, research and other gifted education issues on this free public discussion forum.
CLICK HERE to Log In. Click here for the Board Rules.

Links


Learn about the Davidson Academy’s online campus for profoundly gifted students living anywhere in the U.S.

The Davidson Institute is a national nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted students through the following programs:

  • Fellows Scholarship
  • Young Scholars
  • Davidson Academy
  • THINK Summer Institute
  • DITD FaceBook   DITD Twitter   DITD YouTube
    The Davidson Institute is on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube!

    How gifted-friendly is
    your state?

    Subscribe to the Davidson Institute's eNews-Update

    Who's Online
    0 registered (), 0 Guests and 67 Spiders online.
    Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
    Newest Members
    Chaj, AlanLuiz, Jach, sharase lene, leviackermann
    11219 Registered Users
    September
    Su M Tu W Th F Sa
    1 2 3
    4 5 6 7 8 9 10
    11 12 13 14 15 16 17
    18 19 20 21 22 23 24
    25 26 27 28 29 30
    Page 3 of 5 < 1 2 3 4 5 >
    Topic Options
    #44557 - 04/14/09 04:20 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: EastnWest]
    Kriston Offline
    Member

    Registered: 09/19/07
    Posts: 6145
    Loc: Midwest
    I have a dear friend whose son was "asked to leave" several pre-Ks. He is neurologically atypical, but with no specific diagnosis. His dad is a pediatric expert, so the child has had every test known to man. He's just not diagnosable.

    Personally, I think he was mostly just HG and bored. The problems continued into elementary, and she finally pulled him out for homeschooling. He certainly has behavior issues, but he did a lot better once he was homeschooled and sufficiently challenged.

    He's back in school now--with no acceleration or other attention to his GTness--and the problems are back. Color me surprised... His mom didn't think the return to school would work, but went along with it for some valid reasons. I'll be shocked if they're not back homeschooling next year.

    About fearing your child acting out EW:

    Actually, I was kind of relieved that my son acted out when he was having school fit issues. As hard as that was to deal with, I greatly preferred that to the thought that he might just be silently dying inside... YMMV...
    _________________________
    Kriston
    Mom to DS13 and DS10

    Top
    #44559 - 04/14/09 04:25 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: Kriston]
    Mom0405 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/24/09
    Posts: 237
    He's been taken out.
    _________________________
    __________________________
    Mom to DS6

    Top
    #44560 - 04/14/09 04:27 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: Kriston]
    Mom0405 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/24/09
    Posts: 237
    Thanks. I don't want to have him suffer anymore, either. We are looking into a "gifted" private school for next year.
    _________________________
    __________________________
    Mom to DS6

    Top
    #44562 - 04/14/09 04:32 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: Mom0405]
    Kriston Offline
    Member

    Registered: 09/19/07
    Posts: 6145
    Loc: Midwest
    How does that look? Have you visited the school?
    _________________________
    Kriston
    Mom to DS13 and DS10

    Top
    #44563 - 04/14/09 04:44 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: Suzanne]
    Mom0405 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/24/09
    Posts: 237
    We do not believe in spanking. We want DS to respect us because we respect him, and therefore everyone else around him. We also don't say no without giving him a reason, because it is respectful. We want him to know that hitting is wrong because it hurts other people. And we are supposed to love one another.

    I was not being rude earlier. You were the one insulting my parenting. But you are forgiven.
    _________________________
    __________________________
    Mom to DS6

    Top
    #44564 - 04/14/09 04:46 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: Kriston]
    Mom0405 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/24/09
    Posts: 237
    I am going Thursday morning. Thank you. I have gotten two stories about their being full. A friend/parent said they were; but the school said they were still accepting apps.
    _________________________
    __________________________
    Mom to DS6

    Top
    #44568 - 04/14/09 05:12 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: EastnWest]
    OHGrandma Offline
    Member

    Registered: 01/05/08
    Posts: 830
    Originally Posted By: EastnWest
    Hi -
    I see (at least) two separate issues going on here.

    #1 - how to have boundaries/limits in school and at home that your ds can follow
    #2 - are all of your son's needs being met?*

    Regarding #1 - maybe that school is a poor enough fit with your son that he will never comply...

    Here is some food for thought regarding #2. I know everyone has different parenting philosophies and styles so I don't mean to push AP. Reading your posts made me think of these articles:

    Why Do Children "Misbehave"? by Aletha Solter, Ph.D.
    http://www.awareparenting.com/misbehav.htm

    1. The child is attempting to fill a legitimate need.
    2. The child lacks information (or is too young to understand or remember rules).
    3. The child is suffering from stress or unhealed trauma.

    Also:
    http://www.naturalchild.com/jan_hunt/attachment_parenting.html
    http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/reviews/parenting_books/setting_limits.html


    *and please keep in mind that if "all" his needs are not being met for the moment, it is not your fault. Sometimes the underlying needs are buried deep. (And then of course, sometimes some needs conflict with others...) From your posts it sounds like you are in a vulnerable place right now.(feel free to correct me if you are not) It is no fun when your "baby" is hurting and it is hard to figure out why! Especially when the child you have at home is behaving so differetnly than the one at school. (re-read Kriston's post and the posts on the HS vs. PS thread) Take a deep breath and know that you are doing a great job figuring out what his "other needs" are and how to meet them.


    Wow! You just listed some of the top areas I visited the first year we got custody of GS9. He was 5.5, in K, and a total mess! And as his trauma healed, he blossomed in school. His GTness ended up causing some of the same symptoms as his trauma, but as his needs have been met, he's doing really well. Whether the links will help the OP any or not, most everyone can probably pick up one or two things from them.
    I'd also like to comment about the 3 items:

    Why Do Children "Misbehave"? by Aletha Solter, Ph.D.
    Quote:
    http://www.awareparenting.com/misbehav.htm

    1. The child is attempting to fill a legitimate need.
    2. The child lacks information (or is too young to understand or remember rules).
    3. The child is suffering from stress or unhealed trauma.


    Sometimes the stress or trauma can be caused by an ill-fit at school, especially with a child too young to have developed the skills to cope with a stressful situation.

    Top
    #44570 - 04/14/09 05:20 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: OHGrandma]
    elizabeth4 Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 03/31/09
    Posts: 47


    Quote:
    Sometimes the stress or trauma can be caused by an ill-fit at school, especially with a child too young to have developed the skills to cope with a stressful situation.


    Amen, OHGrandma!

    Top
    #44572 - 04/14/09 05:51 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: Mom0405]
    elh0706 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/08/07
    Posts: 353
    Loc: PA
    Mom 0405,
    Sounds like you have the situation as under control as you can for the moment!

    Just wanted to let you know that I can empathize with your situation. Regardless of if DH and I are lousy parents or it was a bad school fit or just DS's temperment, he has been pulled from 1 school at age 4.5, expelled from another at 7, and we are currently advocating with the public school since they seem to think that expecting him to spend most of his school time learning how to handle being bored.

    I don't expect anyone to FIX my child, he isn't broken. Give him appropriate challenge and he is a completely different child from the one coming home from school the past few months.

    There is not one way to raise these challenging children. Othrwise as I read somewhere else the placenta would include an instruction manual tailored to each child... That is why I love this board. It is a very supportive environment to gather information, make suggestions and try out ideas without judgment.

    Best of luck and keep posting smile

    Top
    #44573 - 04/14/09 05:56 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: elh0706]
    Kriston Offline
    Member

    Registered: 09/19/07
    Posts: 6145
    Loc: Midwest
    Let me make a blanket statement:

    No one here is a bad parent.

    If you are here, you are going above and beyond. You care. You love. You're trying.

    No one here is a bad parent. Period.

    Hang in there, elh and Mom0405. We're pulling for you!
    _________________________
    Kriston
    Mom to DS13 and DS10

    Top
    Page 3 of 5 < 1 2 3 4 5 >


    Moderator:  M-Moderator, Mark D. 
    Recent Posts
    Introduction
    by indigo
    09/24/22 08:17 AM
    Math acceleration and teacher attitude questions
    by Eagle Mum
    09/24/22 06:05 AM
    How do you choose a profession?
    by millersb02
    09/22/22 08:07 PM
    The ultimate brag thread
    by Eagle Mum
    09/21/22 09:28 PM
    Thiel Fellowship
    by Bostonian
    09/16/22 10:58 AM
    Davidson Institute Twitter