Gifted Bulletin Board

Welcome to the Gifted Issues Discussion Forum.

We invite you to share your experiences and to post information about advocacy, research and other gifted education issues on this free public discussion forum.
CLICK HERE to Log In. Click here for the Board Rules.

Links


Learn about the Davidson Academy’s online campus for profoundly gifted students living anywhere in the U.S.

The Davidson Institute is a national nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted students through the following programs:

  • Fellows Scholarship
  • Young Scholars
  • Davidson Academy
  • THINK Summer Institute
  • DITD FaceBook   DITD Twitter   DITD YouTube
    The Davidson Institute is on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube!

    How gifted-friendly is
    your state?

    Subscribe to the Davidson Institute's eNews-Update

    Who's Online
    0 registered (), 0 Guests and 65 Spiders online.
    Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
    Newest Members
    Mvdnest, Ally, Callistro, Marioasn, Tangerine
    11196 Registered Users
    August
    Su M Tu W Th F Sa
    1 2 3 4 5 6
    7 8 9 10 11 12 13
    14 15 16 17 18 19 20
    21 22 23 24 25 26 27
    28 29 30 31
    Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 4 5 >
    Topic Options
    #44519 - 04/14/09 01:16 PM Can you do anything for non-compliance in school?
    Mom0405 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/24/09
    Posts: 237
    Any insight as to what you can do for a non-compliant 4-yr old boy? Can a child psych do anything for this? Since his (child psych) tester today brought up his non-compliance during the 2-day test (and his pre-school teachers (too easy and boring), and other adults in settings where they want him to sit and be attentive like the other "good" children.). I did warn the psych to not act frustrated if my DS got silly; but he did and DS pushed his buttons.(ho hum) Will the right school setting do it for him? Will DS grow out of it? I haven't really seen any answers to this. Since he was slow to speak; he hasn't quite caught up verbally yet (but the psych said his vocabulary was very high); so most believe that he just has behavior problems for no apparent reason. What can be done other than trying to force him to comply, which obviously backfires for all who have tried? He is pretty compliant with DH and I; but it takes some work. Thanks!


    Edited by Mom0405 (04/14/09 01:17 PM)
    _________________________
    __________________________
    Mom to DS6

    Top
    #44520 - 04/14/09 01:20 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: Mom0405]
    BWBShari Offline
    Member

    Registered: 10/24/08
    Posts: 1167
    Loc: NM
    According to a friend of mine who has taught K for years, peer pressure take care of it in most cases. Kids don't want to seem like they can't do what everyone else is doing. Even in K the other kids can be ruthless with name calling etc.
    _________________________
    Shari
    Mom to DS 10, DS 11, DS 13
    Ability doesn't make us, Choices do!

    Top
    #44521 - 04/14/09 01:37 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: BWBShari]
    Mom0405 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/24/09
    Posts: 237
    DS has been begged by his friends in pre-k to come sit; but the gazillionth day of "days of the week" and even the first day (for the class) of "this is #3" isn't enough to sit for. I do not want him to be shamed into compliance. No child should have to deal with shame and blame. Sorry for the vent.
    _________________________
    __________________________
    Mom to DS6

    Top
    #44523 - 04/14/09 01:43 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: Mom0405]
    Suzanne Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 04/09/09
    Posts: 46
    I have not had that problem with my child (ren); because I would not allow it. wink

    If you set clear boundaries (and give lots of love of course) at home, it will probably carry over to preschool and he will learn to obey the teachers. I would also be talking to him at home about respecting adults, teachers etc and letting him know your expectations for his behavior there.

    .


    Edited by Suzanne (04/14/09 01:51 PM)

    Top
    #44524 - 04/14/09 01:54 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: Suzanne]
    CAMom Offline
    Member

    Registered: 08/13/08
    Posts: 748
    I don't think it's as simple as firm boundaries at home. My son has very firm boundaries and is very easygoing at home. He has no tantrums, no behavior issues and lives a very happy little boy life! But he likes to mess with adults and you cannot allow yourself to get baited or you WILL lose. As of yet, he has not had a teacher who was able to understand this. He can drag any unwitting adult off task quickly and on to something he likes better. He can ask relentless questions if you don't say "Choose one question, then we're done until after I_____"

    I also don't think that "obeying" is high on my personal priority list. I teach him that there are consequences to every action. As long as you understand what the consequence is (positive or negative) you can make an educated choice. Sometimes he'll say "well I knew I was going to get in trouble for ___ but I wanted to go sit in the corner and play alone anyway." I use that to then ask him if he could have gotten what he wanted without getting in trouble (like asking for quiet space or whatever).

    Top
    #44525 - 04/14/09 01:57 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: Suzanne]
    Mom0405 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/24/09
    Posts: 237
    He is great at home; and we have done all of that. We are all about boundaries. He does not rule our home. I guess everyone else just has perfect children. Thanks anyway.
    _________________________
    __________________________
    Mom to DS6

    Top
    #44527 - 04/14/09 02:03 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: Mom0405]
    Suzanne Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 04/09/09
    Posts: 46
    No, my children are not perfect. They are children and make mistakes, need to be corrected, get in trouble...just like any children. Do I have higher standards than others? I am sure I do, and not as high as others.

    Really, there is no need to be rude.

    I am sorry if I offended you.

    Top
    #44531 - 04/14/09 02:12 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: Suzanne]
    Kriston Offline
    Member

    Registered: 09/19/07
    Posts: 6145
    Loc: Midwest
    My child was quite compliant...until he got bored in school. Suddenly he was belligerent, rebellious, even downright nasty. He started missing recesses at school and other kids didn't like him. Despite our firm (FIRM!) boundaries at home, he was even acting out and hurting his little brother.

    We found a way to challenge him and--Voila!--happy, pleasant kid with lots of friends returned to us. The change back to the calm, kind, rule-oriented child we had sent to school was immediate. Really, the day he was challenged, he was back to his old self. Just that fast!

    They say not to worry about other potential sources of behavior problems until the school fit is corrected. It sounds like you need to start with that school fit. It seems very clear to me that he's not compliant because he simply won't sit through ANOTHER day of "This is #3."

    I know you just had him tested. What moves have you made with the school to get him greater challenge so far? Are you waiting for the test results, or have you done something already?
    _________________________
    Kriston
    Mom to DS13 and DS10

    Top
    #44532 - 04/14/09 02:19 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: Mom0405]
    EastnWest Offline
    Member

    Registered: 08/12/08
    Posts: 302
    Hi -
    I see (at least) two separate issues going on here.

    #1 - how to have boundaries/limits in school and at home that your ds can follow
    #2 - are all of your son's needs being met?*

    Regarding #1 - maybe that school is a poor enough fit with your son that he will never comply...

    Here is some food for thought regarding #2. I know everyone has different parenting philosophies and styles so I don't mean to push AP. Reading your posts made me think of these articles:

    Why Do Children "Misbehave"? by Aletha Solter, Ph.D.
    http://www.awareparenting.com/misbehav.htm

    1. The child is attempting to fill a legitimate need.
    2. The child lacks information (or is too young to understand or remember rules).
    3. The child is suffering from stress or unhealed trauma.

    Also:
    http://www.naturalchild.com/jan_hunt/attachment_parenting.html
    http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/reviews/parenting_books/setting_limits.html


    *and please keep in mind that if "all" his needs are not being met for the moment, it is not your fault. Sometimes the underlying needs are buried deep. (And then of course, sometimes some needs conflict with others...) From your posts it sounds like you are in a vulnerable place right now.(feel free to correct me if you are not) It is no fun when your "baby" is hurting and it is hard to figure out why! Especially when the child you have at home is behaving so differetnly than the one at school. (re-read Kriston's post and the posts on the HS vs. PS thread) Take a deep breath and know that you are doing a great job figuring out what his "other needs" are and how to meet them.


    Edited by EastnWest (04/14/09 02:33 PM)
    Edit Reason: added stuff

    Top
    #44534 - 04/14/09 02:25 PM Re: Can you do anything for non-compliance in school? [Re: EastnWest]
    Suzanne Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 04/09/09
    Posts: 46
    never mind


    Edited by Suzanne (04/14/09 07:10 PM)

    Top
    Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 4 5 >


    Moderator:  M-Moderator, Mark D. 
    Recent Posts
    Tips for a highly gifted child/adolescent in math
    by Eagle Mum
    Yesterday at 06:10 AM
    Understanding testing!
    by giftedamateur
    08/17/22 12:26 PM
    Speed reading
    by millersb02
    08/16/22 11:37 AM
    Gifted 5 year old
    by GCN3030
    08/10/22 12:36 PM
    linking to posts in General Discussion forum
    by giftedamateur
    08/04/22 06:42 PM
    Davidson Institute Twitter