Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Recovering from Mistakes-High School

My son is a freshman in high school this year. Last year I started to advocate for him (trying to advance him) but he insisted that I leave his schedule alone. He wanted to be a "normal" HS freshman, on the honors track.

Almost a semester into it, he has determined that it is a bore. He thinks he should have been in Geometry rather than Alg 2 since it's all repeat of his honors Alg 1, and Honors English 9 is painful to him. I don't think I can help him this far into the semester with the Geometry problem. I've asked his gifted counselor if he could switch to Honors Eng 10 next semester instead of waiting till next year, but she said NO. So today I'm trying one more time with the principal.

DS has asked to take online classes to graduate early, which I think is backwards because the "meaty" AP classes are really offered to jrs/srs. Regardless, he wants me to enroll him in the AP Literature/comp course online.

I feel like I made a mistake listening to DS's initial request to leave everything alone (Trinity advised me "Parents Do know better") and I worry that I've lost him up to a year of valuable education. How does one recover from such mistakes? I've offered homeschooling and even fancy prep school matriculation, but again, DS resists. Should I make him live with him "normal" freshman year that he wanted to begin with? Maybe go ahead with the AP course? Any suggestions?

Hi Cym,
Now that DS13 is 13, you do have to stand back a bit and let him make some mistakes. I'm not sure that a "whole year of learning" is in itself such a big deal. My feeling about Mistakes is that we all make them, and if we don't then we aren't really dealing with "large enough" issues.

So the question is "How can you get as much parental milage from this current situation you all find yourselves in?"

Here are some ideas:
1) Teach that mistakes are valuable, particularly if one learns from them. My personal approach is Admit it - Access what's been learned - Assess what the resources are availible at this point - Make a New Plan - Follow it - Pray for the Universe to hand you Extra Goodies.
2) Mistakes are sometimes reversable. It's good that you are going to talk to the Principle.
3) I think trying an online course is a good idea in theory, but you can reserve the right to insist that he choose one that isn't offered at this school.
4) Can you make Lemonade out of lemons? High Schools are know for their wonderful extra-curriculars. Many believe that kids learn more that way than in the classroom.
5)You are now his consult to help him plan his Self-Advocacy for next year. Can he take Sophmore Classes this year and next summer and enter as a Junior Next year? What are his options for the future. Can he approach each of his teachers and work out additional challenge? Is it time to consider a Gap Year of some kind?

I wish he could sit on the Sophmore and Junior Classes to get an idea if they will be "enough." Perhaps he is resisting acceleration because the alternatives are just "MOTS" more of the same, and not really a good fit?

You son is bored, is it the dangerous kind of bored, or the fertalizer type, that starts making other activites look better? Develop your own personal guidelines to know if he is triving, surviving, or going under. If he goes under, you move him without his permission. You can talk to him about this process, so that if he is really motivated to stay were he is, he can demonstrate to you that he is really surviving.

Hold on to your hat, dear, the Roller Coaster Called Parenting looks like it's heading for another wild ride!

Love and More Love,
Trinity

Wow! What a useful bit of wisdom! So logical. Thanks, Trinity! I'm saving this post. I have a feeling I'll need to use it myself sometime down the line...

:x

K-

Thanks Trinity--you give great advice. I really mean it.

The principal is out until Friday or Monday so I'll have to wait to talk to him. I agree that we use this as a "learn from" experience and I think DS agrees. I also agree it would be better to take courses not offered at HS, and I can't tell you how thick the pile of printouts from different online courses is on my desk. Out of them, he really wants this English class. Part of me can't resist that gumption. I have to give it more thought (already it's dominated my thoughts for weeks, but I go around in circles).

((gulp))
and
((little tear))
thanks for the acknowledgement Cym and Kriston.

I'm really glad to be of service. There is so much confusion and BS in this world, that if any of us can recove a glimmer of reality, it's a worthy effort. It's very healing for me to hear that my contribution is useful. Like our kids, I spent way too long in rooms with folks who just looked blankly when I was trying my best to say big, important things - what a lonely experience that was! I owe my son so much for bringing me into this community, dragging and kicking I will say. If it wasn't for his needs, I would still be playing pretend and quite confused about it.

((Big Smile))
Trinity

Trinity and all, Thank you so much for the post. Although we are at a younger point in DS's education. There are things that I can use right now. I'm absolutly sure that I will use more of them as he progresses
Also, as a parent of a younger child, It really helps to hear what issues are lurking in our future.

What about doing something other than a course? Could he get a mentor and maybe do a study of something more specialized? The influence of Greek mythology on 14th century Scandanavian poets or something off the wall like that.

Mary

Mary, I like your advice a lot. In my mind, he should spend his extra time pursuing well-roundedness Art History class, learn ballroom dancing, culinary arts (who can resist a man who knows how to cook well?), reading the classics, 3rd language, woodworking...Clearly, these are MY ideas about how to make him an interesting person, but I do think I need to talk to him about what "off the wall" topics might interest him for independent pursuit. (My aside worry is that without structure of a course and grades he'll resort to free time video gaming...)

Dottie, I think whining comes with adolescence. I can't wait till they outgrow it and I threaten the younger siblings that they're not allowed to do it when they're that age. I confess that I also am reluctant for DS to do a course because it will impact me & my time (helping him get oriented, checking his progress, helping him when he gets stuck, etc.). I have 3 other possibly more needful kids that get ignored and I really need to focus on them, or at least #2. It seems like #1 is so all-consuming and demanding, mostly because he knows how to be his is own advocate. Is every first child like that?