Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy DS6 wants to quit piano

I'm so sorry! DS8 (2nd grade) has been taking piano for about 3 years. He started Suzuki method as a preschooler. So this is a subject near and dear to our heart.

A few things are critical for us
1) consistency about time - we practice in the morning generally before we do anything else. When he was going to school, we practiced before school (we had a 9:15 school start). I know another family that practices right before bedtime every night as a wind down.
2) I generally work with him and practice with him. I sit down with him, applaud, make incentive games (right now he can earn 7 stickers practicing for 20 bonus computer minutes)
3) Contests, recitals, talent shows, and other performance opportunities are important motivation. We had to change from a teacher who only had 1 recital a year and nothing else.
4) Piano is a non-negotiable. We've set an expectation that he will be taking piano for some time to come. We let him pick the instrument but then it became mandatory.

It is really obvious when he performs or picks out a new piece (most recently some music from the Harry Potter movies!) he loves it. He starts drooling when he sees a piano somewhere. I think through piano he really "gets" how to learn incrementally. It has helped him in many areas. His piano teacher just raved about him this afternoon.

DD4 started violin this past fall. I jump through a lot of hoops to get 15 minutes of practice from her. Lately, we choose a book, read a page, do 2 violin tasks, read another page, do 2 more, etc etc etc. She's trucking along well for her age. I set much shorter term goals for her.

I think setting some goals and incentives out there that are very particular to the personality of the child can go a long way! Good luck! Keep us posted.

We've had a similar experience with homeschooling. DS has just exploded in his piano ability homeschooling this year. He regularly practices for 45-60 minutes a day and won all sorts of awards and accolades this year. He just has more energy and interest.

I think it is hard for young kids sitting in school all day to want to come home and work at the piano. Last year was definitely a harder year for us with the bad school year on top of it. So you totally have my sympathy crisc!

DD13 was the same way at age 10, but she is really enjoying it now. Try to see if your child would like composing- that's what really got her excited, she has written a lot of incredible pieces now. So if you child is persistent, tell him to wait a little longer, as that little longer is what saved DD from missing out on her favorite activity!

I've been recently trying to get Miss 7 to take responsibility for her own practice (eek!) After her weekly lesson, I write up a chart with all the things she needs to practice with a convenient little check box next to it. Once I hear that she's checked everything off the list, I sign off on her practice - the same way as I do for her homework at school. The extra incentive I've used to get into this habit is pocket-money. If she does her practice 6 times a week, she gets $6 on Sunday (she has to give $1 for charity). What I've found is that the more she practices, the more she enjoys playing! If she misses a practice session during the week, she almost always does double on the weekend to make up for it. I've also been taking her down to the nursing home to play for her great-grandmother which has been our version of having a "concert". And I gotta say, this has really worked for us. And for Miss 4 too. I hope that the link between piano and pocket-money wont last long. It feels like too much of a "carrot" to me, but it's certainly helped us get into the routine of practising. And has encouraged Miss 7 to do her practice before school rather than leaving it to the last minute... jojo

My dd7 started violin at 4 and around 6 she really lost her enthusiasm. She's always loved music, but it isn't something that comes easily to her as so having to practice to see progress has been really good for her. When she lost interest I came up with a token system to bribe her. She earned a token for each practice session (usually about 15-20 min) and the tokens could be turned in for a half-hour of screen time. She really didn't like having to practice but wanted to play Webkinz or watch tv enough that it kept her doing it. Fast forward 9 months and she's loving it again and she actually asks to practice.

I think Ruby's point is a great one. I find that DS8 goes in waves on piano too now that we've been at this over 3 years. Sometimes he is highly motivated. Sometimes we have to find something to get us over a hump.

I just let my DS6 stop doing guitar. He did it for a year, but towards the end was resisting practicing. I felt that at his age, I didn't want him to feel pushed into music, because it might inhibit him wanting to try again when he has more self-motivation. He also ended up wanting to explore martial arts, and is loving that, so I feel that it was a good decision.

I think there is definitely a balancing act that you have to do as a parent in these types of situation. You can't make a kid love to play an instrument and as in eema's case, forcing kids to keep playing if they hate it can crush their love and enjoyment in music.

But for some kids, if you let them quit something when it becomes as challenge, they don't learn to meet challenges and grow from the experience. In my dd case, she still loved music but it started to get to the level of playing where she couldn't memorize the song the first/second time through, there were more elements she had to do all at once (more complicated bowings, new finger positions, more difficult rhythms and new types of notation in the music) and it was no longer 'easy' for her to play a piece well the first few times through. She had to break down the pieces and practice just a few measures at a time and I could see her frustration when she couldn't get it right away.

My husband thought we should just let her stop. But I felt really strongly that with a school situation that was completely not meeting her academic needs, she needed something that she would have to work at to see improvement. It took a lot of trial and error to find a system that worked for us, but by finding a reward system that encouraged (not forced) her to practice, she learned a valuable lesson and I don't just mean about playing the violin.

Ruby - I was about to post the same thing. There is a difference between a kid fundamentally hating the whole music lesson scene, and a child that enjoys music and/or performing, but doesn't want to put the work into practice. You really have to know your child. And your own motivation and level of commitment as a parent too. We are on our 3rd piano teacher. A good fit with a teacher or program/philosophy is important. But private music lessons are sure not a necessity for every child. The lessons learned here can be learned in other ways.

We have been lucky that neither of our kids have ever asked to quit. They don't want to practice every day, but they generally enjoy it. Today my daughter wanted to practice violin outside. Which was fine with me and made it much more fun and interesting for her. She's 4, so it's very much just working on building a habit. Even if it's only 15 minutes a day and we don't actually do much productive.

Thanks for all the advice and suggestions. I really hope that DS6 will want to take lessons again someday since he seems to be such a natural at it. I tried to suggest a reward system yesterday if he would stick with it but he wanted no part of it. He calmly told me that he did not want to practice and play piano anymore. I'll admit it--I am sad. I feel guilty since his school situation probably isn't helping this situation at all. Is it summer yet?