Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Defiant, resistant, and anxious

Is he interested in learning what HE wants to learn, or not at all?

I'm just asking because I have one that will do will do whatever is put in front of her without much question.

The other one has to *buy* into anything that is asked of her. They're supposed to be pretty close in IQ.

Seems like the big dif is personality. ((shrugging shoulders))

My teen son had said something similar when he was around kindergarten. I think he knew he was more advanced than the students in class. For the next few years, he tried to appear "normal" by making mistakes and making sure everyone around him knew he made one just like them.

Yeah, he will learn what he wants to learn. But currently that means he is learning about...ships.

He reads a lot, and has A LOT of knowledge gained through reading.

But definitely, the stubborn personality is at play big time.

It's a little disconcerting when he tells me he's just an ordinary little kid and why can't I leave him alone?

I mean, why CAN'T I leave him alone?

I am new to all of this, and only have a DS4; but from all I've read on this site (and answers to my questions), is it possible that your child didn't feel like he fit in, has been made to feel uncomfortable with his giftedness at school, so didn't like any reminders of the school (with his homework), and just needs a break to recoup and regroup? These are rhetorical questions. My DS4 told me that he doesn't want to be smart two weeks ago; but all of a sudden, he is interested in learning again now that he's had a break from school, and seemed to be getting bored. I started introducing him to some new cool computer learning games, etc.

Yep that's my son. He needs to see a purpose or reason for doing something.

big ((hugs)) to you

what you say about you and your DS resonates a lot with me with our DS9. No "advice" here - but I hear you, mama!

he will learn what he wants to learn how he wants to learn it and will exhaust the subject until he knows whatever it is to his satisfaction. And then he'll move on.

I have had to let go A LOT of what "I" thought he "should" know because it just.wasn't.working. Fighting, power struggles, tears - it has been a real ... learning process (I won't say ordeal I won't say ordeal) So, he learns what he wants. I guess you'd say we're unschooling right now and have been for the most part this last 15 months or so. Public school just didn't work after first grade (sigh)

Our family is of course our family and what we do works best for us - but you know, when he is happy, the rest of us have more attention for other things. And what he knows is prodigious!

As far as feeling uncomfortable with his giftedness: He goes to an accelerated school, so all the kids are gifted-- it's more that he feels stupid and inadequate by comparison, because he is not at all "good" at what they're doing all day.

But his IQ and WIAT scores tell a different story.

Maybe it would be better if I didn't know those scores...

I guess it's true that he needs to buy into what he's doing, but he will only buy into what he's already interested in... so it's a tough nut to crack.

Hi Barbara-- we were posting at the same time... with this kind of kid I am of course drawn to the unschooling concept.

Still holding out hope that if I just stop trying to FORCE it, something magic will happen and he will start meeting his potential and will discover his inner drive.

OR will he just have won the fight and gotten the message that he can do whatever he wants?

So what are they doing all day that he feels he's not good at? Are you suspecting any hidden LDs? I would definitely say some unschooling sounds like what he needs.

Was he used to be at the top at a regular PS? Then moving to the accelerated school shattered his self-image?

THe other thing that comes to mind is something I read in "Re-forming gifted education." You can have two kids w/ identical IQs but they need very different programs. One kid needs fast-paced, accelerated programming. The other needs a slower-paced, time for deep-thinking, pondering, pursuing subjects in depth. Those 2 kids will not thrive in each other's programs. IF your son is the latter but this school is the former, that might be the mis-match.