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    Joined: Feb 2009
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    I am wondering if anyone has any advice or experience with a PG child who appears to simply hate doing schoolwork of any kind.

    When I try to get my ds6 to do any work with me at home, he gets really defiant and resistant, and it almost always turns into a big power struggle. Fun times!

    He "hates school" as well, and I suspect the ridiculous joyless pressures of first grade have killed much of his love of learning. (Though, to be honest, he never cared much for workbooks.)

    And when I try to work with him, we are so quickly at each other's throats that I think homeschooling is a terrible idea.

    He may be ADHD...I don't know.

    I just never knew it was possible for a 6-yr-old child to get this depressed and burned out!

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    My DS was (and is) the same way with homework. I've been silently protesting homework since he started school - personally, I'd like to see homework banned altogether, but that's another issue.

    I don't really have any advice, but having had the knock-down, drag-outs over writing spelling words 5x (never mind that he could spell them from the get-go), I sympathize. I just think DS hated doing things that he felt were a waste of time and that he wasn't getting anything from. I don't know what the answer or magic trick is, though. Fortunately, he really doesn't have much work for home right now and what he does have is mildly stimulating.

    Good luck.

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    Is he fighting doing homework with you? Or is this additional work you want to do with him? I found that by 1st grade after a HORRIBLE K year of learning nothing and being quite depressed, afterschooling dwindled to nothing. He was just too burnt out at the end of the day. It was all I could do to get him to do his homework. I really would not try to get him to do additional work if he's having a terrible time at school. I would ask him what he wants to learn about and facilitate him doing that. I've been reading a lot about various homeschooling philosophies and which one works best for my DS, now a 3rd grader. He's not a workbook kid. He wants to be doing, and discussing. He likes what history documentaries to go along w/ the history we are reading about. He is very conceptual and makes huge leaps in concepts but doesn't like the babysteps along the way. This was a very poor fit for public school. The pace was too slow.

    Homeschooling is very different from when they are in school. Some try to give it a test drive during summer. I haven't seen where this works well b/c kids need that decompression time which can some times take most of the summer. I found by the time when DS was relaxed and happy and eager to learn again, it was time to go back to school.

    Yes it is possible at only 6yrs old.....

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    DS-then-6 took FOREVER to do his 1st grade homework. Most of it was leftovers from the school day that he hadn't finished. He was too busy working out disagreements between his classmates or socializing or...anything but working on that boring stuff!

    I think it mattered that his teacher's background was in remedial reading, and when I sat in on her class, I saw that even the ND kids were bored silly: she gave the answer to one exercise SEVEN TIMES! Literally! I counted! Gave them the whole answer! The kids were *all* antsy and bored, yet she didn't understand why she was having so many behavior problems...*sigh*

    Anyway, we spent SO MUCH TIME on his homework, and it was awful for both of us. He wasn't so much actively disobeying as he was just physically unable to stand it. He was doing his best, but he just couldn't take it after a day of boredom. He was angry and frustrated and just done. More boredom at home was more than he could take.

    After 6 weeks or so of holding his feet to the fire, it was clear that something had to change. We chose homeschooling, but anything that got him a challenge would have been a step up.

    We now spend only slightly more time on homeschooling than we spent on homework a night, and he's racing through material. We get along *so much better*! Really! The struggle over homework is over. He's not frustrated and angry anymore; he's happy and flourishing! It's amazing what a little challenge can do. laugh

    That's not to say we never have a bad day. We do, of course. But it's a rare exception instead of standard practice. smile It's manageable.

    As long as your DS has bought into homeschooling, and he is willing to accept that he has a responsibility to do the work that you give him, then I think HSing will go just fine. I talked a lot with my DS about the fact that I was promising the state that I would educate him, and that he had a duty to uphold. He's a kid who takes responsibility seriously, so that worked like a charm. He wants to HS, so he plays team with me.

    If your DS is resisting HSing, too, and not just boring homework, then you might have a problem. But if he understands what HSing will entail and he buys in, I suspect things will go better once he's not being worn down by an inappropriate fit at school all day. That was certainly our experience. Homeschooling is WAY easier than homework ever was! Honest!

    If you want to talk more, keep talking. But what you're experiencing is not unusual.


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    P.S. You might need to do some deschooling for a while after this year. Kids who were really worn down by school sometimes need time to get over it. Something of the decompression time that Dazey is talking about...

    Basically what I'm saying is just don't expect to dive right in if he's really depressed and miserable. Let him recover, even if that means non-stop play for a little while. GT kids who are craving challenge usually get bored with non-stop play pretty fast and are eager for more actual work. You can limit/rule out TV and video games if you like, but letting him have some mindless fun for a while might make the work easier on both of you in the long run.


    Kriston
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    Yes, Minnie, you're fine. smile

    And that passage helped me a lot, too. It really changed the way I approached anyone who seems defiant, not just my kids.

    Great wisdom!


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    Thanks, Kriston! (Gosh, I'm glad you're here!)

    mm

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    Back atcha! laugh


    Kriston
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    Minnimarx - thank you for posting that! Certainly a lot to think about in that short passage. A friend is dealing w/ that very thing, I think. I've seen it in my DS.

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    Minnie,
    Thanks, that really is a great quote. That does ring true to our situation. I feel that we have lost our way, like Dante in the woods of his 30th year... only I'm 40 and he's 6.

    We've lost our joy. I do feel like the best path is to "deschool" him and let him find his own path again. The only thing that really matters is that he gets his joy back-- obviously the stupid math worksheets don't REALLY matter.

    But I get so bogged down. His reaction scares me.

    By the way it is both homework and HSing stuff, though the HSing stuff is if anything a little worse. Maybe because I get angrier myself.

    I could say he's just bored by the busywork of the homework, but the truth is he gets the spelling words wrong.

    My husband says-- this child is not gifted, we need a different way to define gifted, because this is not it.

    I guess I have just tried too hard to make him conform to what I thought he should be doing?

    Anyway, I'm rambling.


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