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    Joined: Sep 2007
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    And if he's getting the spelling words wrong, I'm betting he's frustrated. And feeling stupid and defensive.

    He's got deschooling written all over him! frown

    Can you pull him out of school now?

    What will happen if you blow off the school's homework? What if you forbid to let them take away recess? (I know of a mom who did this in my son's 1st grade class. She marched in and said that recess was mandatory for her child because he needed the exercise, and that if they took it away, she'd pull him out right then. The teacher backed down. Might be worth a try--in a milder manner, of course...)

    I might suggest even letting the afterschooling fall by the wayside unless it's fun for him. This is a kid who needs some fun with his learning! I think you're right that he needs to remember that learning and joy can go together. He needs opportunities for discovery, not more worksheets and spelling words.

    (BTW, being GT and being a good speller don't necessarily go together. Try some conceptual work with him: geometry or poetry or something with big ideas involved.)

    Focus on his strengths! He needs some boosting up right now, I think.

    FWIW...


    Kriston
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    Thanks, Kriston.
    He does have deschooling written all over him.

    I guess I'm afraid if I let him out of the stable he'll... never come back. I think he could play for a long long time before it ever occurred to him that he'd like to do some "work." Like, forever.

    Or... maybe after a few months he would come to it on his own, with inner motivation. It just feels like a huge gamble.

    By the way I don't do afterschooling with him at all. I read about some of your kids coming home from school needing MORE, and I am amazed. But some days I keep him home from school, just because he hates it so much and the weather is nice and I want to experiment with keeping him home, and it's usually a disaster-- at some point in the day we both wind up crying. I'm afraid our relation has just become completely dysfunctional.

    I think I should really just let him coast through the rest of the school year.

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    You really can't keep him out for a day and test things out. He is too emotionally charged for it right now. He will need some time to bounce back emotionally. I say let him coast. He has his whole life ahead of him. Line up some good videos he might like. IF he's into science, get some NOVA science shows. Watch them together and discuss them...not quizzing just discussing. We love watching cooking shows together on the Food Network or Cash Cab! In the First Year of Home schooling book I'm reading by Linda Dobson (highly recommend) she says you have to basically learn to enjoy being with your child again and vice versa. Not much learning is going to happen until that happens. I had to do that w/ my own son in January. We dropped most of our HSing for the month of Jan and Feb and March. We're now just getting going again but we needed to find the fun and just enjoy being together.

    Did you post in another thread that you've decided to HS? Do you want him to finish out the year or are you still on the fence?

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    I totally agree with Dazey. You can't tell anything from a day, especially not when both of you are so raw.

    Fun. Nothing but fun.

    Fun doesn't mean no learning. Fun just means no teaching. That's the simplest way I can explain that.

    Go on walks. Talk about what he likes to do. Read silly poems and stories for fun. Draw pictures together. Play board games. Build with Legos.

    Fun.

    Forget trying to teach him. Right now, you're the student and your job is to learn about your child. How does he learn? What excites him? (And how can you do more of this?) What doesn't work at all? (And how can you do less of this?)

    His job is simply to relax and be himself again. Nothing more than that. You should be the one doing all the work. His psyche is in an invisible cast!

    Don't worry about his not coming back to learning. Forever is a long time away! I promise you that if it comes to that, you can corral him back.

    But I'll bet you money that you won't have to. Let him find himself again, and then when he's healed, you can ask "What do you want to learn this year?" I'll bet you he'll have an answer. You may have to tweak it a bit, but if you follow his lead, he'll get into it. All kids--but especially GT ones--are born learners.

    But not while he's so bruised and broken.

    Read the Rivero book. It's really useful.

    And remember that for every minute a child spends on weaknesses, he should spend 3 or more minutes of school time on things he's good at. I recommend making "Do something you love every day" a requirement for your son. That was the best thing I did our first year of homeschooling. It reminded both of us that life should be fun, and it kept us from making everything else a higher priority.

    If you're crying, you're doing it wrong. Relax. It will get better.

    {{{{Hugs!}}}}


    Kriston
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    guys, that was a fantastic quote, and these are fantastic thoughts. I'm going to have to think about these a lot. My oldest is so darn stormy and miserable - it's not even glass half empty. We're literally arguing about whether there is ANY water in the glass. And my middle is this sudden rage, can't even be looked at kiddo at 3.5, leaving me wondering, what's not right in HIS environment? I'm not even sure. He's mostly been so happy with his preschool. But he can't handle thwarting or mistakes. I think it might have something to do with trying to keep up with his nearly 7.5 yo brother. I wish I were either brave enough, or had a double, so I could just up and decide to homeschool starting tomorrow. I think my oldest would about die of shock but then might recover. But my baby consistently wakes every hour. Sometimes two, sometimes ten minutes...but generally, on the hour. (gee, the 3yos problem couldn't have anything to do with this, could it?!) I just don't think I can educate anyone like this. Am I wrong? Can you homeschool with no brain or energy and very small kids around? Can you work (generally, but not entirely, from home) while homeschooling? I think I've had this conception of homeschooling as me and the kids at the kitchen table all day. I know I can't do that...but I'm not sure what is possible.

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    Well, it's not all day, so that would help. With a willing student, a couple/3 hours are enough to get in the academics. But you probably would need a little child care help with the baby at least. And sleep *is* useful for one trying to teach...

    There is a sense of peace that often comes with homeschooling. Schedules can be made easier, mid-day naps are more possible if you need them, stuff like that.

    But honestly, it would be tough to HS on no sleep. It *is* possible--I have a friend who did it with a newborn and a 9yo! She had just the two kids, but she was also writing a dissertation (!!!), so I'd say that's pretty comparable to your situation. She's very anal about stuff, so she just went on no sleep. It was NOT something I'd recommend. eek (But then I am a bear without sleep!)

    Can your DH take a night here or there so you can sleep? Can you get a sitter for a couple of hours each day so you can nap? Something? How old is your baby now? Old enough to let him cry it out yet? (Sometimes that's a matter of survival for mom, I think!)

    How self-motivated is your DS7? Would he do "homework" on his own while you were otherwise occupied, or would you have to stand over him the whole time?


    Kriston
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    "If you're crying, you're doing it wrong."

    Thanks, Kriston. That made me laugh.

    What makes me think I could do this is that I used to be such a great parent for him. Until he started school.

    NYC is an amazing place to raise a kid, we were out every day because he needed so much stimulation.

    Montana, I have a baby too-- and a terrible sleeper.
    And I work at night, I am "working" right now.

    This is another reason homeschooling appeals to me-- because my dh and I both need to work, and can't afford a nanny, I have to work evenings and weekend mornings-- eroding my time with my 6yo. But is that an appropriate reason to homeschool?

    To answer Dazey's question I am still on the fence, I promised his school I would put the idea of homeschooling aside for this year, but I'm still drawn to it!

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    If he's not getting what he needs at school and you can give it to him, then yes! It's a great reason!

    I don't mean to sound like a homeschooling pusher. I'm not one, really. (See my cautious reply above to Montana for evidence.)

    It's just that it is so clear that your DS's problems are school-related, and the school has been so negative about it all. I kind of think the same thing about your situation that I thought about ours: what have you got to lose by trying it? Worst case, you put him back in, right? Or is there some risk to removing him that I'm not considering?

    P.S. I'm glad I made you smile. You need more of that! smile


    Kriston
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    Montana - can you wait until Fall to start HSing? the baby will hopefully be a bit more settled. Also, while not ideal, when I had my baby, I could trust DS7 and DS4 to sit and watch TV while I napped for an hour or so. Can you trust your boys to do that? I needed those naps.

    Also, what is your older son like? Can you go over say math, history, writing and then expect him to sit and do the work on his own? Some have miraculous kids like that lol but I don't. Or, can DH do some of the HSing in the evenings when he's home? Also, you can do whatever schedule. You can say take Mon-Tues as weekends and let kids play, and HS on Sat and Sun when Dh is there to help.

    Some of the issues w/ the 3.5yr old could be the new baby. Even w/ the 7.5yr old especially if things aren't going well at school. Believe me, I know how hard it is to sort things out.
    hugs

    Dazey

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    Quote
    Forget trying to teach him. Right now, you're the student and your job is to learn about your child.

    WOW! YEAH BABY!!! Nail on the head! Love it love it love it! While I felt I knew my son through afterschooling, getting to know the learner he had become while away at school for 3yrs was a different story!

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