Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Speaking very low in school

OK, I have one more question for you guys,.

It seems that DD is speaking often at a very low volume at the school. So low that it is almost impossible to understand her. She is not doing all the time, but apparently quite often. I do not know if this has been always like that or it has become worse at the time. She does not look at all like shy and she participates in group activities according to the teacher.
At home she has a perfectly normal volume, and an excellent diction. In fact she always was like that. When she was small (3yr) people would comment on how good she did articulate words even though they could not understand Spanish.
With other friends as well there is no problem.

Now that I think of it, she tends to speak lower when she meets someone for the first time.

Anyway, as soon as she sets foot on the classroom, one can barely hear her and when she addresses the teacher is even worse. I have seen as well other class mates having difficulties hearing her. Not all the time though.
When she brings friends at home there is not problem. And I think it is the same at other's houses.

When I tell her that she has to speak louder she becomes very distressed and insists that her volume is adequate

Is that 'normal' or should I become worried?

DS7 does this in his foreign language class. I think it's because he doesn't want to be wrong. His teacher and I have told him that it's okay to be wrong--that's how he'll learn what's right! But he often mumbles out answers.

Given the foreign-language component of school for your DD, I'm thinking she might be doing the same sort of thing. FWIW...

So I guess I suspect a lack of confidence: not "normal" exactly, but not a reason to panic either. Maybe just something to talk about.

Yes, I think it's a form of perfectionism, really.

(At least for my DS7. I can't speak with any authority about whether this is true of your kids, of course.)

So perhaps for those of us with the opposite problem where our kids shout out the answer all the time, we need to suggest that the teacher make them respond in a foreign language???? Hmmm...

hkc75 - I think my ds must be like your child. He doesn't worry about being wrong because he is sure he is always right (and will argue with you if you think he's wrong!) One issue my ds does NOT suffer from is perfectionism.

I really only see the perfectionism with DS7 during language class. It's a 1-on-1 lesson with a pretty demanding native speaker, so I don't really blame him for being a bit nervous about speaking.

I also think it's really good for him to do something hard that he doesn't always do perfectly, so I want him to own his mistakes! Say 'em loud, kiddo! Say 'em loud and proud!

For me it was from introversion (which I understand may go along with perfectionism - at some point the line starts to blur).

I've probably shared this story before, but when I was in fifth grade, over a period of time, I was not responding loudly enough to answer questions. It was a combined classroom of two teachers, 60 kids. They made me stand on my chair in an effort to make me respond louder, to somehow rid me of the shyness. Well, it sure backfired - it left quite a scar. I'm still mad about it all these years later I guess! I even remember what I was wearing - it was a jumper in a stiff tan-colored denim-like fabric, with boots LOL (circa 1978). A skirt, standing on a chair, what in the world were they thinking.

So, if your dd is experiencing anything like I was, the last thing I'd suggest would be to force it. As a practical matter, a little "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you dear, can you speak up?" is about as far as I would go in a group scenario. (Perhaps the embarrassment of being called out on the quiet speaking is enough to encourage her to get it loud enough on the first try next time.)

Is it normal? I don't know (quite possibly I was abnormal LOL) but it didn't stop me from growing up to argue in court, etc. Well ok it almost did but in that case, I was able to overcome the fears (a) due to lots of substantive preparation so that what I was saying was correct and I could back it up, and (b) because I was the one forcing myself to overcome it as a means to an end, and no one else, especially no teacher or parent, was doing the forcing. (I'm still angry with my mother over related things but we won't go there right now.)

that's my two cents on low speaking in school

I'm sorry, snowgirl! Why some people think shyness is something to be forced out of a person is beyond me.

I always thought of DD as extroverted.... maybe I should reconsider it (for this and for another reasons).

Anyway, your approach is what the teacher does. She is really kind and would never do something as horrible as they did to you. She asked me to tell DD 'sorry dear, could you repeat this? I did not hear you well' in order to encourage her to speak louder. This is when I realized that she does speak very low only at the school.

About the foreign language, well, outside the school she does not have any problem speaking with friends in her play-dates (in Dutch). Although maybe she fears to be corrected by the teacher, mmmm....

I just want to say that I did exactly this when I was a kid, and I had selective mutism. I felt (was?) incapable of speaking up, and when someone told me to speak up it caused tremendous stress and made it that much less likely that I'd be able to do so. I would definitely not recommend telling a child with this problem to talk more loudly. I would recommend putting the child in the front row so that the teacher can hear more easily, but otherwise ignoring it, or employing anxiety-reducing strategies like those used for selective mutism.

Where you able to speak at all? DD is speaking but very very low and not always. Apparently she participates in group discussions. I think I have to ask Mrs Teacher about more details....

What are other sings of selective mutism? Can one have very mild SM?

I did speak in class, but very, very quietly. I did not speak at all on the playground. I communicated exclusively with facial expressions for pretty much all of grade school. I was totally normal at home, at my friends' homes, etc., so long as there wasn't a stranger or more than a few people I knew there.

As master of none said, it is an anxiety disorder. That said, I do not think I would have appeared to be an anxious child. I smiled constantly and had many friends. I was not, in fact, anxious about anything else but speaking in certain situations. If you want to look it up and see if your child meets the criteria, you can look here: http://www.selectivemutism.org/faq/faqs/what-is-selective-mutism-sm and here: http://www.selectivemutism.org/faq/...child-with-sm-portray-in-social-settings