Gifted Bulletin Board

Welcome to the Gifted Issues Discussion Forum.

We invite you to share your experiences and to post information about advocacy, research and other gifted education issues on this free public discussion forum.
CLICK HERE to Log In. Click here for the Board Rules.

Links


Learn about Davidson Academy Online - for profoundly gifted students living anywhere in the U.S. & Canada.

The Davidson Institute is a national nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted students through the following programs:

  • Fellows Scholarship
  • Young Scholars
  • Davidson Academy
  • THINK Summer Institute

  • Subscribe to the Davidson Institute's eNews-Update Newsletter >

    Free Gifted Resources & Guides >

    Who's Online Now
    0 members (), 591 guests, and 14 robots.
    Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
    Newest Members
    streble, DeliciousPizza, prominentdigitiz, parentologyco, Smartlady60
    11,413 Registered Users
    March
    S M T W T F S
    1 2
    3 4 5 6 7 8 9
    10 11 12 13 14 15 16
    17 18 19 20 21 22 23
    24 25 26 27 28 29 30
    31
    Previous Thread
    Next Thread
    Print Thread
    Page 6 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
    Joined: Dec 2005
    Posts: 7,207
    Grinity Offline OP
    Member
    OP Offline
    Member
    Joined: Dec 2005
    Posts: 7,207
    blush
    Thanks for the compliment.


    Coaching available, at SchoolSuccessSolutions.com
    Joined: Mar 2007
    Posts: 353
    E
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    E
    Joined: Mar 2007
    Posts: 353
    Wow Searching,
    That is a hard concept. Growing up, I was not considered gifted or eligible for any pull-outs or programs except speach therapy. (turns out I am what is now known as 2E) My husband's parents refused to put him in the gifted program because they wanted him to grow up normal. Until our son was born, neither of us had any clue that we were not in fact "normal" and terrible social misfits with low self esteem.

    After our son was born, I had all the What to Expect books. At about 9 months old, my husband made me donate them to a shelter since they upset me so much since DS was meeting the milestones so early and there were warnings in them that if your child walks before sitting up then it might be autism and such that had me getting paranoid. To date I think I'm still in a form of GT denial...

    In your situation, If your schedules allow, maybe try to get involved in the reading is fundamental program or something similar. It is a great program and also lets you experience the difficulties that some children have with learning to understand the concepts of reading. Big Brothers/Big Sisters might also be a possibility. If he is referring strictly to grades on a report card, keep in mind that many schools have tightened up their grading scale. For example, in my son's district, a 94% is an A-, an 88% is a B-, 80% is a C-, 73% is a D-. A 72% is failing. Our school does not have any + scores either. On many of my son's tests the difference between an A and a C is 1 question. Another thought is to start going to your local school board meetings. You will get a good idea of the priorities of your area as well as meet other parents.

    My husband is a perfectionist and has little patience with our son at times. Mostly when DS is not staying focused on his tasks or is making silly guesses at things instead of thinking them through. Things can get tense. However, they are extremely close and share a wide variety of similar interests. Even after they have been going at it, within a few minutes, they usually have their heads together bent over some robot and peace reigns again.

    I wish you all the best smile

    Joined: Sep 2007
    Posts: 6,145
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    Joined: Sep 2007
    Posts: 6,145
    It's funny that you write this. Before my DH and I had kids, we, too, worried a great deal about how we would handle it if we had a ND (Normally Developing) child, since GT ran in both our families.

    We figured GT we knew pretty well--though that's been a LOT harder than we thought it would be, since child #1 was a lot more GT than we expected him to be!--and a child with serious birth defects or some such problem is hard, but something we felt like we could wrap our heads around. You don't expect that kid to get straight As, you know? But a kid who was a solid C student on his/her best day--that worried us about the kind of parents we'd be. How would we handle it?

    The bright side: I think we forgot that we have a good 3 or 4 years with a child before grades and school and that sort of learning matter. Our DS3.5's GT status (or not) is still unclear to us. He may be ND, he may be very differently GT than DS6.5, or he may be 2E (GT with some yet undiagnosed LD). We don't know. But I don't think it has mattered one whit yet. We adore him. He's such a wonderful kid! He's sweet and charming and funny and cuddly, and if it turns out that C is the best grade he ever gets, well, then we'll find something else that he's good at outside of the traditional school subjects.

    Naturally, if he does turn out to have some LD, we'll move heaven and earth to get him help. But if this is normal and appropriate for him, then we're happy. We just want what any parent wants: we want him to be a healthy, happy, contributing member of society.

    You're going to love that child regardless of his/her IQ. It's not at all the problem I thought it would be. I totally know why you're worried, but I really don't think you need to. That part's EASY; it's EVERYTHING ELSE about parenting that's HARD!

    laugh


    Kriston
    Joined: Apr 2006
    Posts: 778
    D
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    D
    Joined: Apr 2006
    Posts: 778
    Just to piggy-back on the grading criteria, an 85% is a C at my children�s school

    Despite the tough standards at their school, in many classrooms, grades are as much dependant on organizational skills and compliance to routine as by demonstrated understanding of the material. For example, it is policy that when a student is absent, they must find out what they missed from another student, not the teacher. This affects my kids, as well as others, because they are pulled out from class 2-3 times per week for band. Also, my son leaves his classroom everyday to take math with another grade. Both kids have received incomplete information from other students on occasion, however, my son�s classmates have proven routinely unreliable for complete accuracy. Additionally, depending on the teacher, a student loses between 10-50% for late work, which includes correct, completed assignments which are forgotten in homeroom class (often due to failure to anticipate classroom switches during pull-outs and IEP).

    Searching,
    Ensure your husband understands the criteria used for student evaluation when your future children enter school. It isn�t necessarily based soley on subject matter understanding and intelligence.



    Joined: Oct 2007
    Posts: 2,231
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    Joined: Oct 2007
    Posts: 2,231
    Then there are the underachievers for who grades are not a reflection of intelligence.

    smile

    I

    Joined: Sep 2007
    Posts: 6,145
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    Joined: Sep 2007
    Posts: 6,145
    Yes, but those underachievers are the ones whom you figure you just browbeat into doing a better job--before you're an actual parent and understand the delicacy of such things, of course. wink

    A kid who can get an A but doesn't is a very different issue from a child who just can't do better than a C, and not from lack of trying. The latter was the thought that kept me up at night.

    Now that I have kids--<shrug>--not so much. You take them where they are, and it all works out. Everyone can learn. Everyone has talents. Parenting is a lot easier in that respect than I thought it would be.


    Kriston
    Joined: May 2007
    Posts: 1,783
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    Joined: May 2007
    Posts: 1,783
    Aimee,

    It's good to think about these things before you have kids! Everyone has some vision in mind of what it will be like to be a parent and what their child(ren) will be like. If we didn't, why would we have children? So that's not necessarily a bad thing.

    But the reality of becoming a parent is all about accepting the child you are given. This is not limited to whether or not they are gifted, of course. I am talking about the broad spectrum of intellectual and physical abilities, of temperments, interests, even appearance. I don't think I really GOT this until after I had my first child, by the way blush . When it was time for a second child, though, the responsibility seemed daunting to say the least. It took me years to get up the courage!

    On the other hand, nature has prepared you and your husband (in ways that you won't fully understand until it happens!) to accept your child. It is good for you to discuss these things as a couple, but I don't think you can really know how he will respond to his own child based on his reactions to other people's children.

    Look for some books on child development and some books on giftedness for you both to read and talk about.

    Best wishes!

    Cathy

    Last edited by Cathy A; 02/19/08 11:35 AM.
    Joined: May 2007
    Posts: 1,783
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    Joined: May 2007
    Posts: 1,783
    Originally Posted by sshsearching
    The most extreme example is the day my mother yelled at me because I was not valedictorian.

    (((Hugs))) It does sound like they are perfectionists. 5th in your class is very good! I certainly wasn't a valedictorian and I was happy about that because I hate giving speeches smile !

    When parents invest too much of their own self-worth in their child's performance there are problems. Of course we are proud of our children but the accomplishments are theirs not ours. Sometimes separating the two is easier said than done!

    I understand that you are afraid that your husband may repeat the mistakes of your parents. I think all parents have these kinds of fears and none of us are perfect, for sure!

    All the books and magazines give you the impression that if you could just get the right information and follow the right procedure your kids will be happy, well-behaved and maximizing their potential (this is coming from me--a fellow perfectionist smile ) Well, I have figured out that it is not possible. And that my kids are thriving despite not being happy or well-behaved or perfect all the time. And despite my husband and me not being perfect!

    We are all playing it by ear...

    Cathy

    Joined: Sep 2007
    Posts: 6,145
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    Joined: Sep 2007
    Posts: 6,145
    I completely agree with Cathy. There's no magic formula; you just do the best you can do. Loving your kids solves a whole lot of problems and mistakes.

    The best thing you can do is just what you're doing: think about your goals for how you want to treat your children and why. Figure out a parenting philosophy that lines up with those goals. I try to remember that I'm not raising children, I'm raising future adults. But decide what your values and priorities are and try to steer things gently in that general direction...

    ...Then be prepared to wing it when you actually have the kids, because things will not go as planned! smile

    Dumping perfectionism is a great start. Being aware of the problem there is half the battle, I think. That you know that being 5th instead of 1st in your class was not a life-altering issue will help you avoid that issue.

    But there will be other problems. I always say, only half-jokingly, that the best thing to do is pick the way you want to screw up your kids and then be consistent about it; you'll save them money on therapy later if you screw them up the same way all the time instead of jumping around. smile

    My best advice: think about all of this, but don't worry. The fact that you're worried about it now, before you have kids, means that you're probably going to be a spectacular parent! Honest! laugh


    Kriston
    Joined: Sep 2007
    Posts: 1,134
    K
    Member
    Offline
    Member
    K
    Joined: Sep 2007
    Posts: 1,134
    Originally Posted by Kriston
    My best advice: think about all of this, but don't worry. The fact that you're worried about it now, before you have kids, means that you're probably going to be a spectacular parent! Honest! laugh

    So true! It's the parents that don't give this kind of thing a second thought that are the ones that actually have something to worry about!

    Page 6 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

    Moderated by  M-Moderator, Mark D. 

    Link Copied to Clipboard
    Recent Posts
    Testing with accommodations
    by aeh - 03/27/24 01:58 PM
    Quotations that resonate with gifted people
    by indigo - 03/27/24 12:38 PM
    For those interested in astronomy, eclipses...
    by indigo - 03/23/24 06:11 PM
    California Tries to Close the Gap in Math
    by thx1138 - 03/22/24 03:43 AM
    Gifted kids in Illinois. Recommendations?
    by indigo - 03/20/24 05:41 AM
    Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5