Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Am I too focused on 'gifted'?

This really hit the nail on the head of the issue for me. I'll be asking a modified version of that question at future school meetings.

I've been thinking about DD6's "I daydream most of the time in school" comment and following this discussion with great interest. I appreciate having all the different views to consider.

Yes, I'm reading the book "The Trouble with Boys" which is an interesting read about the mismatch of the typical classroom w/ the typical boy. I don't doubt this is some of my son's issues. Too many worksheets and not enough hands on exploration.

Yes, My DS is a well-rounded learner, but his preferred mode of input is still auditory. This, I think, has made his school experience a much better fit. My kinesthetic friends struggled more even though they were very bright.

On the issue of, "if your kid is doing well in public school maybe he isn't that gifted", I have heard that from several directions. I have definitely heard it on boards, but it is also implied in Ruf's book and on Hoagies, both of which I highly respect. Basically, they say, HG+ kids tend to not do well in public school. So, the reader of such a comment is left to wonder, "if my kid is doing well in public school, then perhaps he isn't HG+?"

Thanks ACS ... I have to admit my first real meltdown in regards to gifted and schooling was reading Ruf's book with comments on Level 4 and 5 kids tend not to do well in public schools. Here was my whole plan thrown back in my face and me freaking out. So hearing you and Dottie say: Yes it is possible and my child is proof makes me feel a little better.

And schools (public and private) will lead you to believe that if your child is not doing well in school, he isn't HG+.

As parents, our judgment about how GT our kids are is always being questioned--by others and by ourselves. I'm so glad that there is a forum like this where we can discuss these issues!

DS never spontaneously complains of boredom. He could entertain himself for hours with a shoestring. The red flags I saw in him in K were much more subtle than overt unhappiness. It was comments like "I don't learn anything in school" and contentment with review of stuff he knew several years before and perfectionism that got me concerned. That's why I love the "extreme" stories on this forum. If I didn't hear very sad stories about underchallenged kids who burned out I probably wouldn't have even thought of gradeskipping a happy child. Likewise, the stories on the other extreme about HG+ kids doing well in PS with not much intervention help me to not panic when the situation isn't perfect. I want to hear stories about A, Z, and everything in between...

Dottie wrote:

How did those ND boys react to boredom? I talked to parents whose kid wasn't exactly thrilled w/ school and complained of boredom, but they liked going to school for recess and PE and specials. My kid was the only one w/ daily stomach aches, nausous, headaches, sobbing at night before bed about going to school the next day etc. From what I"ve read, boys tend to tune out but I've not seen mention of the physical and emotional symptoms that my son experienced.

My DS6 is having the same physical symptoms about public school this year. He hates going. The work is too easy and even lunch, recess and specials are not going well since those are the times of the day when he has the worst behavior. I wish we could make the public school system work--it'd be so much cheaper.

Have no fear Jool, I will always be around to share our sad public school story--well at least until he starts private GT school in the fall.

I would say from my own experience and what I've seen in my DS- if you have a child who is doing well in public school, perhaps he/she has learned what ND looks like and replicates it well!

Not all kids can or will be able to make that work either emotionally or socially. And certainly not for a long period of time. For me personally, I realized that in 7th grade it wasn't cool to be smart and decided to start skipping a certain number of math problems on the test. I could get a 93%, still not screw up my grades and yet not be so "perfect".

CAMom, your story reminds me of something my DS said the other day about a boy in his class. He's in the GT pullout with DS and is a teacher's pet-type - a model for behavior. I'm not sure of his LOG, but with heterogenous grouping, even MG kids have to do lots of unncessary review. Anyhow, this boy apparently told DS that he makes mistakes on purpose so that he "doesn't have to skip a grade" like my DS. I'm in no position to judge his parents. But I can't help feeling like someone should be advocating for him. Perhaps if he were acting out, he would be in better shape in a way. I wonder if a kid like this is just at much at risk for underachievement than the clearly unhappy kid.