'Neato, this is what I was trying to get at with my original post. I don't think I used the right words in the title to get at the 'meat' of what my concerns were. I've been an inconsistent poster and I think I missed your DD's full story, so I'll do a search because I would love to read about her.

So now that I've finally clarified my thinking ... With my DS there are no real clear-cut red flags like unhappiness or acting out or even complaints of "boredom". Yet he's doing stuff in math that he knew how to do at age 4. Now obviously he's learning *something* since he hasn't had formal math instruction outisde of school and he does has a relative weakness in geometry - although the teacher's description of "struggling" was a little much considering he got a perfect score the end of unit test once he was taught.

I *know* there's no clear-cut answer for what is a good-enough situation. And I think we're preaching to the choir when we say every kid is different, can't generalize, etc. But I hope that doesn't discourage people from giving any strong opinions or sharing their extreme stories without having to worry about making someone question their own choices. For the record, when I ask for advice, I don't mind very strong opinions. I'm a big girl - I end up going with my gut feeling anyway. But my gut is stronger when I'm given the spectrum of opinions. Pontificate away! Get on soapboxes! It's all good . I've never gotten the feeling that anyone is judging another's parenting by being opinionated.

I had one of those!

I have three boys, who if you follow Ruf's levels would probably be a Level 1 (which I do not personally consider gifted, I would call it "bright ND"), a Level 3, and possibly a Level 3/4. My Level 3/4 boy had all of those symptoms - stomaches, bad dreams, crying every morning, refusal to get out of the car, refusal to go into school, etc. He hated public school and it did not work for him (and this was still true after acceleration). BUT, my Level 1 child also hated school and it did not work for him. In our experience, with my children (I hope I'm getting all the disclaimers in!) level of intelligence was not the primary factor. Personality was. My third child, most likely a Level 3, loves school. Loves recess, loves PE, doesn't ever complain about being bored (though not accelerated to his challenge level).

I guess I'm in agreement with those that are saying that you can't generalize. There are way too many factors involved to say that my choices would work for anyone else.

Oh Dottie, I wasn't advocating that position certainly! I would have preferred to be your DS in school, not the me who learned to be lazy and not work hard! But my parents didn't know any better and were certain that not upsetting the apple cart was the best mode.

I only meant it to say that often, HG+ kids are very perceptive. They know what they're "supposed" to look like and some can blend. It doesn't make them happy, it just makes them camouflaged.

Jool, I've been meaning to post what's going on with my girls and haven't had a chance. I also wanted to make sure it was working the way I thought it was before I posted what I consider a successful advocation story with a very happy ending!

Perfectionist much?!?!?

I tell you what, I'll make time later this evening to post the whole kit and caboodle, so look out for it.

BTW, it took me almost two years of soul searching and investigating and trying things to find what I consider a very happy solution for the girls.

It doesn't always come easily or instantaneously. Keep up what you are doing and continue to proceed with how you know your child to be in mind and you'll find a good place.....

I think you are awesome and I can see that you are processing all this very well.

Rats, that job is calling me again! LOVED skimming the thoughts this morning, and agree with so much. And CAMom, I think I was the kid you describe, so I can't "debate" too much there, . I do like to think though that I've covered all my personal experience bases with the plans I have in place for my own children.

Neato, I hesitate to share too many particulars myself. I probably already stand out like a sore thumb, should locals find this place, but I think I leave just enough out to make it deniable, should I feel that need, . DS has another full-fledged "chicken dance" in the works for next year, but I really think he thrives on that.

I will say one generic thing about the parents on this board (without disclaimer). You all seem very committed to your children, and to finding the best possible solution given their unique needs. Kudos!

I feel bad if anyone thought that I was arguing with people sharing stories, since, as far as I am concerned that is the best part of this forum.

This issue I had taken the poster in question to task for was posting general statements about gifted kids and boredom, some of which could have been taken by some as an attack on their well-considered decisions. If she had used the term "my kid" instead of "you" then I would have read happily without being troubled by what she said. She has subsequently rephrased the statement without changing the story and I am quite content.

What I was really hoping was not that people stopped telling stories but that we remember our divers audience and remember this, which I had posted earlier.


My comments about all kids being different were, indeed, meant to be an echo of what you said. They were my attempt to live up to my own request that we make sure we tell our stories without negating those of others.

CFK, could you remind me how old your Level 3 is? Do you see any consequences from not being at his challenge level as time goes on?

He is 9 years old. As of right now (knowing that things change all the time!) I don't see any problems on the horizon. (Keeping in mind that he has had some accomodations, just not to the extreme that he could handle) He is a very happy-go-lucky kid. The glass is always half-full for him. It probably sounds strange, but he does not look to school as his sole source for learning. If he's interested in something that the school doesn't offer he learns it on his own. He satisfies his own challenge needs. He's the kid that checked out every book the library had on elements last year becuase he was interested in them. He is always willing to take risks and try new things. He is able to squeeze everything out of school that it has to offer and doesn't expect more or find it lacking. I do not see him ever having a problem rising to any challenge he is presented with, be it a high academic reach in college or coping with some boredom in elementary.

My other gifted son (12) cannot do this. For him, not working to his challenge level ALL the time is torture. The harder it is the happier he is. Boredom and repetition are 4 letter words. They are physically painful for him. Not working to his challenge level would have had disastrous consequences.

I just don't see the main factor as intelligence level. It is their personalities that make all the difference.

Yes CFK! That's why I wrote:


CFK wrote;


Yes my son is like this. I'm trying to work on changing his perception but it has been difficult. If I had two kids like him, I"d give up. My 5yr old is like your other son. He's very easy-going, goes with the flow.

So glad I checked back on this thread to find another gem quote to help me wrap my head around this.