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    Joined: Nov 2008
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    This is, originally, intended to be two posts, I've combined them into one, as they are both related to the perception held by many people that children like ours are made due to parental "pushing" and my frustration with the pervasiveness of this line of thought.

    Part A:

    This is a mini-vent that I am sure most of you will be able to relate to.

    If I hear any more direct or implied comments re: stop pushing, I am going to bite my tongue off to keep from screaming. Seriously, I don't push. I follow. Heck some days I am dragged along and others I am running like a maniac to keep up. Pushing? No way!

    I want to say to those people: "Read my lips: It's too much work! Really!"

    Yes, I have tried to explain that I am simply following my child's interest and presenting things that are within her level of ability and that yes I do provide challenge, but within her realm of capability, etc. but that those things aren't pushing. I have enough to do without "pushing".

    Pushing, ha! It's almost laughable. End rant.

    Part B:

    I must confess!

    Part of my vent stemmed not only from the comments I encounter from people in the real world, but also from things I have read in different venues. Specifically, we home school and have always (and always will) consider ourselves "life learners". As such we have been very unschooly in our approach to education. My children, however, have shown a desire for more structure - beyond our usual scheduling of events and activities; so after much research and contemplation, I've started with the Charlotte Mason methodology. It's working really well for us and is a nice blend of very short "lessons" (I'm still getting used to the idea of lessons, thus the use of quotations, but am finding that I enjoy it and my children do, too. They are quite engaged.)

    Ah, but my dilemma/frustration/anxiety/whathaveyou comes from things like the FAQ page on Ambleside. There's a question re: when should a child start and addresses "advanced" kids that are younger than the recommended age of six. The answer from the FAQ page is, basically, "'[W]hile it may look good to onlookers' don't start a child before then". The "may look good to onlookers" part is what irks me! The implication that a person who starts a child on the program before age six is doing it for the benefit of "onlookers" sparks my ire. It makes me feel as thought I am being a pushy parent, when I know full well that that isn't the case - not even close - "onlookers" don't even factor into my reason for starting. Admittedly though, other people and their comments and reactions *are* a reason why I have dragged my feet and am always wary of sharing things that my children know/do (when it's appropriate to the conversation). So since we are starting at age 4.5 with my eldest (and my youngest age 3 participates whenever/however he chooses), I have this feeling that I am doing something *wrong*. Still, I'm breaking the rules and in my local homeschool group, from the moms that use CM, I keep hearing "Why rush? Your kids are little; you have time."

    Many of the regular group members have commented on my DD's precociousness in various ways and have seen bits and pieces of her intellectual ability. I think some of them think it's *me* doing it to my DD and don't really believe that I don't "do" anything to her - in fact, I firmly believe that education is not something that is "done" to a person; so the idea of pushing education into a person's mind is antithesis to my convictions re: learning and education.

    Add to this that we have already read most of the books in the CM Year 1 booklist, *last year*, for no other reason than my kids were interested in the books - purely coincidental. We are starting CM at Year 1, which means we will be repeating some of the same books. I could substitute, but I feel some of the books are worth repeating and everyone enjoyed them so much. I want to be able to step fully over the line and say, "Yes, we are in Year 1 of Charlotte Mason. Yes, my eldest is 4.5. Yes, I'm aware that CM is geared to start at age 6 or later. No, I am not being pushy - my child is ready and has been for sometime. In fact, I should have done this or something similar last year, but dragged my feet" (or something similar).

    Really, I just need to stop caring about what anyone else might think. They don't know my kids the way I do. I know what I need to do, even so...it's difficult for me.

    Thanks for reading!

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    Welcome to our world!! Isn't it nice that this forum exists for people with kids like ours? We've all heard it, over and over. After a while you'll get to where you're just immune. Just keep on doing what your kids need you to do and let the rest of the world take care of itself.


    Shari
    Mom to DS 10, DS 11, DS 13
    Ability doesn't make us, Choices do!
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    Originally Posted by BWBShari
    Welcome to our world!! Isn't it nice that this forum exists for people with kids like ours? We've all heard it, over and over. After a while you'll get to where you're just immune. Just keep on doing what your kids need you to do and let the rest of the world take care of itself.


    You're right! Although my children are still young, I have actually known they were "different" for quite sometime - years, in fact. I recall reading milestone charts and thinking, "This can't be right" and our Parents as Teachers liason coming to my house one day with information for children 3 years ahead of mine in age. She said, "I can't say anthing 'officially' and we'll go over where your daughter should be based on her age and then I'll give you the other papers based on where I feel she, actually, *is*." That was just one of the few comments some starting before she was a year old that had me scratching my head. Too bad not all the comments could be positive or informative.

    I have gotten better about building my immunity; sometimes, though, I fall short. I am better at filtering out the negative comments, sill imperfect. It seems that the negative are more prevelant than the positive. Although, that could simply be my perception based on having born the brunt of some really cruel comments re: my DD's abilities.

    I realize that sometimes I go backward in my journey forward, my "immunity" is tested. In the end, I have to take solace that these aren't setbacks, they are opportunities to strengthen my immunity and in retrospect I continue to make progress despite sometime having to retrace steps that I feel that I have already taken. Two steps forward, one back. I have to remember that I have still netted one step!

    Happy parenting and thanks for your kind words!
    MM

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    Mizzo, I feel your pain, or your arm being dragged in whatever direction your children take you. Mine are the same way, mainly my DD5. DD4 is a close 2nd. I find that even I tell myself don't rush her. But she's not being rushed, this is the way she is.
    She just started K last September after 2 months all I heard was "I don't want to count anymore ducks and balls, and can I have a book that isn't a babybook to read in class? She just started 1st grade and i'm worried that in a couple of months I'm going to be hearing something similiar, hopefully we get to summer before that happens.

    It's funny when my girls were learning stuff so early I keep thinking school was going to be a breeze with these two, I didn't relize there was going to be a whole other set of issues, not complaining just observing.


    Mom to DD24, DD5, and DD4
    Grandma to DGS2 and DGS3

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    Sing it sister! Just yesterday my Father-In-Law felt it was necessary to give me some sort of lecture because my 2nd grade (homeschooled) son is doing 5th-6th grade math. In FIL's eyes this is some how hurting my son. Although, he couldn't explain to me how. DS does his math all by himself on the computer....the program grades his work (he gets all 95% or higher) so I told him it's not even possible for me to be pushing him, and if he were getting 75% or something like that....well then yea, his math would be too hard. I really wanted to tell him to mind his own business. Uggg.

    I don't know about everyone else's kids, but if I push mine too hard they just shut down and learning time is over. So I just follow their lead, and give them exactly what they can handle.

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    Oh, I am so with you. While on one hand it is so great that my dd3 loves to read so much - and I am so amazed by her, but her appetite for books is killing me. Every time I go to the library and feel like I have "stocked up" for a little while - a few days later I find that she has read everything I have checked out. It is so time consuming and exhausting. Thank goodness for the library, so at least it is not expensive. I do sort of wonder sometimes what the librarians are thinking about me... "there goes that crazy lady again - she is here every other day!"

    A week or two ago she announced that she was going to stop reading, because none of her friends could read, and it was just not something that kids did. I was a bit sad, but there was that little part of me thought ahh - respite. So I told her that it was just fine if she did not want to read anymore -- two days later she told me that she "changed her mind" -- I wish she would have held out for a week or two!

    The idea that other people think that I am pushing my daughter just makes me laugh. It really does not bother me one bit because I see all of the things the parents of ND kids do...everyone wants their kids to learn up to their potential.

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    Originally Posted by mizzoumommy
    Really, I just need to stop caring about what anyone else might think. They don't know my kids the way I do. I know what I need to do, even so...it's difficult for me.

    One one hand, yes of course you have to find a way to 'stop caring' about what other's think, here in the USA it's really popular to have 'strong' boundries, and 'be your own person,' but there is another hand. Humans are social animals. Mothering is a high stress job, and it's normal and natural to want your full heritage of wise adults who have walked this road before you.

    So I would say that it's only a small twist of fate that you are one of the very few people who happen to be parenting a child who is taking an 'alternate developmental path.' So your natural desire to be social is turned against you, that's all. Join your local gifted association, go to a few conferences or programs, post and read here. It's totally normal to want 'social parenting' - 'it takes a village,' remember? However, you have to be really really careful in who you pick to be your village, because your child is just plain really really unusual.

    Love and More Love,
    Grinity


    Coaching available, at SchoolSuccessSolutions.com
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    Quote
    Every time I go to the library and feel like I have "stocked up" for a little while - a few days later I find that she has read everything I have checked out. It is so time consuming and exhausting. Thank goodness for the library, so at least it is not expensive. I do sort of wonder sometimes what the librarians are thinking about me... "there goes that crazy lady again - she is here every other day!"

    Loved this! I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I think of us as "heavy users" and wait with baited breath to see if I'm at our family's limit when I check out (4 x 35 = 140 books). "Oh, that card is maxed out?! Try this one." blush

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    Add in homeschooling! crazy

    I have my own hold shelf all to myself!


    Kriston
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    I have gotten these sorts of comments a lot. I find my self worrying that maybe I don't know what I am doing and should listen to these older/wiser? parents around me. But then I see the difference in DD when she is challenged. It is like night and day. If she is not challenged we have problems. When she is challenged she is happy, calm, cooperative and well adjusted. I am starting to realize that other people and teachers underestimate what she is capable of by a lot. They don't live with her, I do and I underestimate what is challenging for her. When I get it right though it is really right and everything just falls into place. She is engaged and happy and soaks up everything she is learning. She really seems to need to learn. Not teaching her or answering her questions I think would be harmful. All I can do is try to keep up.

    I agree that parents have a need to be social and share the journey of parenthood with others. Finding others is the hard part for the parent and for the kids.

    I have found at the library there are certain librarians that are very helpful and receptive to my kids. I try to go when those librarians are working. I would tend to think most librarians would not think it is odd to see the same people week after week checking out so many books. Most librarians probably work there because they like books and learning. But we have met some crabby ones.

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