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    #33122 - 12/19/08 05:46 AM The Saddest Christmas Party...
    jbr3610 Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 11/21/08
    Posts: 36
    Hi All...
    Some of you may remember that I posted on 11/21 re: DS10; gifted vs. inattentive ADD and whether to increase his Concerta Dose and/or pursue further testing.. Thank you for all of your input. It has been nearly a month on the increased dose of Concerta. We have seen a moderate increase in organizational abilities, and a marginal change in grades ( He has always been A's and B's ). He does not take the med on weekends. ( or snow days! ).
    Yesterday I had the chance to help out with the holiday party in his class. WOW what an eye opener!
    There are 13 boys in his class. I witnessed 11 boys sit together eating all of the holiday snacks, laughing, joking and taking pictures together, and my son sitting in the back by himself, outwardly oblivious. After some time, another boy in his class sat next to him. I found out later that this boy is also an "outsider" and not in a good way. My son was not sought out to participate in groups for the party games.

    My heart broke at this party.

    Our issue at the beginning of the year ( and pretty much every year ) was that he has no "filter" and burts out without he is thinking, is somewhat bossy, and not receptive to what other kids say.
    The teacher made a comment to me that while organizationaly he was doing better, there has been no change socially, but to "give it time". I'm not really sure how giving it time would help.
    So my question/concern is this...As parents, we see him as a bright, curious, good looking kid with athletic ability, and strong leadership skills. ( small brag ) Are we blind or in denial or both?
    And what do we do about it? I don't want to bring it to his attention, because at this point he doesn't seem to notice. The one time I did ask him he said that all the other kids were "stupid because they act like a bunch of kids". He gets along with kids in the neighborhood that are all ages, and has 2 other good friends that aren't in his class. I still have not ruled out having further testing done.
    I appreciate any input, especially since this isn't really a GT topic.

    Thanks, Jen

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    #33124 - 12/19/08 06:01 AM Re: The Saddest Christmas Party... [Re: jbr3610]
    incogneato Offline
    Member

    Registered: 10/25/07
    Posts: 2231
    Loc: up in my head.......
    Hi Jen,

    I am sorry you are going through this. It's so hard to see your child in such a situation, know that somethings not right, but not what to do about it.

    I just re-read your posts and based on those and your more recent post, I really think you have to take this very seriously.

    I suggest a second opinion on the ADD issue. And that doesn't mean I'm doubting the diagnosis, it's just good to get second opinions I think, especially in light of all the info.

    Some of the "symptoms" of high intelligence and ADD can overlap. It could be one or the other or a combination of both.

    If it's possible to have a GT evaluation with a child psyd that specializes or has a sub specialty in GT issues, I highly, highly recommend it at this time. I think it's time for you to aggressively get to the bottom of what's going on.

    You may have to travel.....but it may be worth it. I think it's important to attempt to improve his social isolation whether he is noticing or not.

    Feel free to p.m. me if you feel comfortable and I'll see if I can help you track someone down.

    ((hugs))

    Neato

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    #33126 - 12/19/08 06:18 AM Re: The Saddest Christmas Party... [Re: incogneato]
    Dazed&Confuzed Offline
    Member

    Registered: 04/05/08
    Posts: 1815
    I agree w/ Neato. Perhaps it's not the kids are excluding him, but he's excluding them b/c he has no common ground with them. If he sees them as "childis" or "acting their age" that might be case, unless he's just saying that as a shield to rejection. You say he plays well w/ neighborhood kids of all ages so that is a great sign. Perhaps there was one significant event which occurred in the classroom which has cause the current situation?

    I would definitely seek a 2nd opinion on the ADD, given that meds are being used, and would also most definitely seek gifted eval from someone experienced in gifted issues.

    good luck!

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    #33127 - 12/19/08 06:40 AM Re: The Saddest Christmas Party... [Re: Dazed&Confuzed]
    Mamabear Offline
    Member

    Registered: 09/17/08
    Posts: 354
    I am just throwing this out there. Have you seen a behavioral optometrist? We have done that with our dd, who has social and academic issues that seem similar. It opened up a world of change for us in our understanding. We are now in the process of seeking vision therapy.

    I'm not saying this is the Mecca, just another option in the testing world.

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    #33129 - 12/19/08 07:38 AM Re: The Saddest Christmas Party... [Re: jbr3610]
    jbr3610 Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 11/21/08
    Posts: 36
    I do think that further testing is in order... My husband is ready to go to great lengths for this, the problem is that I don't have the foggiest idea where to find someone, I have asked our peds, the school, looked on hoagies, searched online, to no avail. So yes, neato, if you have ideas I am all ears.

    I do not think that there was one single incident that caused this. Looking back, I think that last year may have been similar, but he had one good friend he made in the class that may have helped buffer things. His current class is a VERY diverse group, socio-economically, intelectually and culturally.
    I would think that somewhere in that mix would be someone compatable, but I guess I am wrong.

    As far as the vision goes, I need find out more before I can say. He does wear glasses ( or is supposed too, when he can find them ...), and has had extensive vision testing for a type of cataract he has in one eye, but he compensates with the other eye and loses the glasses because "he looks like a dork" ( his words ).

    Thanks for all the input,

    Top
    #33131 - 12/19/08 07:55 AM Re: The Saddest Christmas Party... [Re: jbr3610]
    Kriston Offline
    Member

    Registered: 09/19/07
    Posts: 6145
    Loc: Midwest
    Yes, testing with an psychologist experienced in working with GT kids and ADD, even if you have to travel. I don't know where you're located, but I can recommend Dr. Ed Amend in Lexington, KY as an expert on HG+ and 2E kids and teasing out the relations between problems. I suspect he could at least recommend someone to you in your area if you can't come that far.

    It might be good to try to find someone you could meet with more than once. Sometimes (not nearly always!) counseling is useful for social problems, and it might be nice to at least have the option of a monthly meeting if you think you need it. But I think you need to get more information for sure.

    I'm sorry! It sounds so hard for you to see! frown
    _________________________
    Kriston

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    #33132 - 12/19/08 08:09 AM Re: The Saddest Christmas Party... [Re: jbr3610]
    Mamabear Offline
    Member

    Registered: 09/17/08
    Posts: 354
    Originally Posted By: jbr3610
    As far as the vision goes, I need find out more before I can say. He does wear glasses ( or is supposed too, when he can find them ...), and has had extensive vision testing for a type of cataract he has in one eye, but he compensates with the other eye and loses the glasses because "he looks like a dork" ( his words ).


    I can say from personal experience that he sounds like ME at that age. I also was supposed to wear glasses and would hide them, lose them, I even dropped them (oops)under the bus tire once!!!

    My issues were different than my dds\, but the visual stress created (looking back) much of my social awkwardness and the fact that even though I was probably GT, the reading and writing were so painstaking that it was frustrating and difficult so my grades did not reflect my ability (not the material, but getting it on paper nicely).

    If you look at the threads regarding Behavioral Optometry, there is mention of a website that will list Specialists in your area...if you think it is something you want to look into.

    Good Luck!!!

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    #33138 - 12/19/08 09:57 AM Re: The Saddest Christmas Party... [Re: Mamabear]
    jbr3610 Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 11/21/08
    Posts: 36
    Well, we are in Ohio, so while Kentucky is not prohibitive, I would think that someone closer would be more beneficial. We are close to Michigan, so that is also an option.. I have a few "feelers" out with friends both here and in Columbus, plus suggestions from those of you online, so I am hoping that something pans out. I am SO open to suggestions!

    Thanks, Jen

    Top
    #33139 - 12/19/08 09:58 AM Re: The Saddest Christmas Party... [Re: Mamabear]
    incogneato Offline
    Member

    Registered: 10/25/07
    Posts: 2231
    Loc: up in my head.......
    jbr3610- I am p.m.ing you. Click on the blinking envelope.

    Top
    #33140 - 12/19/08 10:01 AM Re: The Saddest Christmas Party... [Re: incogneato]
    incogneato Offline
    Member

    Registered: 10/25/07
    Posts: 2231
    Loc: up in my head.......
    crossposted! Okay, disregard p.m.. I'll do some detective work and get back to you!!

    Top


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