Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy "tired of being me"

On the way home yesterday my DS4 and I were talking about preschool. Then my fairly happy little guy says "I'm tired of being me" I asked him what he meant by that and he just repeated it. When I asked again he said "I already said what I meant, I just don't want to talk about it anymore" He later said he didn't want to be himself, but also didn't want to be anyone else. I think he is starting to feel different but doesn't get it. We have had talks before about how people are different, and learn different, and how brains work differently, etc. He generally has a very healthy self-esteem and seems to feel good about life in general. It just breaks my heart to hear. I am a social worker, so I have heard this from other children before who are going through difficult things...but to hear it from my own child that really doesn't at all seem depressed is not something I am used to. Any thoughts or suggestions on this?

Oh shellymos, how sad! Your little guy has always sounded like such a great kid to me--I love when you tell stories about the things he does!

It doesn't sound like he wants to talk about it much right now--is there a "stealth" way you could find to support him/find out what happened, like reading him some books about other outside-the-box kinds of kids? (I'm sorry, I'm groping here--I'm not in one of the helping professions, I'm just a flute player!) Others will surely have better suggestions, but maybe this might be a start. (I dunno, maybe Homer Price, From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs Basil E Frankweiler, even Ferdinand or Wee Gillis, maybe Pippi???)

Hope he's feeling more cheerful soon--
minnie

Thanks! He is such a happy go lucky kid, it's strange to hear him say that. He snapped out of the mood pretty quick, but I know it was still on his mind. Literature is a great idea and I know at least one of those books off the top of my head and I hadn't even thought of it. I also asked a friend of mine for some more suggestions since she is a librarian and she came up with a few too. It will be nice to read and talk about things instead of directly talking to him about how is feeling since he is having a hard time expressing it. And I have to say, being a "flute player" isn't a bad thing. You don't have to be in the helping profession to help. : ) Thanks again

4 is so young to have these feelings come up. Sorry to hear that!
Have you asked if something specific was said to him in school in the last few days that might be bothering him?
I agree books can be a great way to process confusing feelings (as can music).

He's not prone to drama, is he? Maybe it just means he had a bad day?

If DS7 said this to me, I'd be very troubled. Since he is not a drama queen, such words would be a sign that things were terrible!

If DS4 said it to me, I'd probably freak out for a second, but then would rein myself in and assume he'd just had a bad day until I got more evidence, since he IS a drama queen, and anything not going his way means he's MISERABLE <sob>.

<eye roll>

So based on my kids, this could be something really, really serious, or it could be nothing. Given that your DS didn't want to talk about it, I'm thinking he may have made a bigger deal of a small-ish thing than he intended and he was embarrassed.

Of course, I don't know your child at all, so I may be totally, completely, absolutely wrong! But at least it's another angle to consider...

Do some role playing, you be him, and he can be you. Don't start with his statement that concerns you, get him having fun with it. Have him help you get into playing him. Listen to him as he plays you, but I'm not sure I'd correct him. How he plays you could be as he sees you, or as he wants you to respond. When he's really into it, then say something like "I wish I was someone else.", maybe he can give you suggestions about that feeling then.

Good point about the dramatics. He isn't overly dramatic...but he has his moments where the drama comes out and says things like "this is terrible" or "I'm never ever going to win this game in my entire life." He doesn't say that pre-k is bad, and says he likes it...so it's kind of strange. I think it is his way of saying he feels different, but it's hard to say. And that's true about not wanting to talk about it. He sometimes just does that when he feels tired about talking about things. It's pretty funny though because he talks all the time, but it seems like he says that when he bored with a conversation or something and is ready to move on.

Drama KING, Kriston......

S, I know it's troublesome, my heart winces when I hear a kid say something like that.

I'd watch and see if you see consistant signs of him being troubled.

This time between Thanksgiving and Christmas break tend to be very, very slow at school. Most schools tend not to provide much new material and some kids start getting a little bored at this time.

This SO sounds like my dd7. She has always had a flair for the dramatic, but she is also very hard on herself. She is in the midst of testing for Visual Perceptual deficits. I think that at around age 4 she knew she was "different" than other kids and really couldn't articulate it other than through her dramatics.

I just continue to tell her how wonderful she is and that I am so blessed that she is mine. Sometimes if I can get her to talk about what is "off kilter" with her, I can relate a story from my own life where I messed up or shared the kind of feelings she is having. It seems to help. Sometimes she just wants to sit with me and do nothing or we have to find a new distraction. (we keep lots of random supplies in the garage so she can just create on her own.)

For whatever reason he said it, it seems like he's insecure with something, so it may be he needs a little extra TLC at home. Maybe he is headed for another huge leap in skills?

Sorry this post is a little random!

As dramatic as he is, he's probably the whole bloomin' Drama Castle!