pardon the spelling errors!

Funny you should ask. We are in this process (again).
Mostly, we thought hard about what would be ideal for DS and DD. Then when we were able to state it in concrete terms, we began looking, comparing the ideal to what was out there.

We also have no gifted schools, just gifted programs in the public school which is a very good public school. Our kids go to public school for now. DD is getting a lot of gifted support, but we aren't happy with the nurturing of the whole child part. Something is missing and we are now in search of that. Our other child, DS, has issues in public school, but we are confident that they have a program that will work for him, if we can make it happen. So, we are not contemplating moving him, just dd. Instead, we are advocating for him in school.

I think you find a school that has policies that would include your dcs needs, and from there on, look for the fit of the child, school, teacher.

Thanks Mamabear for telling this story. I appreciate the message of not trusting the rumor mill to make school decisions for your child. I think in many places there is a tendency among parents to bash the public schools and emphasize the negative; it fills a social need of something common that parents can talk about while waiting at swimming lessons or whatever. I am pretty sure it is not meant to be malicious, just sharing information. It can go the other way as well; you hear how great a school is, but maybe it won't be great for your family.

We heard many stories about how bad our public schools were too, especially middle school. Most of my friends never even attempted to put their kids in the public schools based on the rumors. Both DH and I had gone to "bad" public schools and really liked them, so we were willing to take the risk and it has been really great for us. Our friends are often surprised by how well the schools have done by our DS. One of our friends who swore they would never put their kids in PS are now realizing that the private school they had their kid in is actually a bad fit and are reconsidering public school. Of course Public schools can be a really bad fit as well. My point is to not trust the rumor mill, but see for yourself.

I hope that what all this is doing for the OP and others is showing the various processes that we used to find school fits for our kids. I think the final outcome of where we settled is less important than the processes that we have used.

If I had to do it over, I would have asked more questions!

Now, we are in the midst of a 2e situation for babybear. The wheels are not turning as fast as I want, but they are turning!!

At the Cahtolic school, there were no wheels to turn. It was a situation where they didn't like my children, had no desire to help them and made it impossible for them to stay (in a nut shell).

My older dd had a couple of issues this year. I asked for advice here and then spoke with the teacher and essentially we got what dd needed and that was that.

With my younger dd, her situation is not that simple so we need testing and have to go through channels to get there. BUT that being said, she has a very understanding, cooperative, interested teacher who genuinely enjoys DD.

Personally, I think this particular public school enjoys active, interested parents.

This is in no way a blanket statement about all public or private schools, just our experience.

You know, though we had a bad experience in the schools and we chose to homeschool, I always make it a point not to badmouth our public schools locally. Not only do I think that would unnecessarily alienate me and my kids from people who are using the public schools, but I also think that it might turn people away from what might be a good school for their kids.

Different kids are different. We need different options so that all needs have a shot at being served.

There's much to be said for finding a school that a) wants your kids there, and b) takes you and your concerns seriously, Mamabear. I think that's about half the battle. (With flexibility and recognzing different learning needs making up most of the other half!)

Kriston, I think much of the bad-mouthing we hear about the schools (public/private/charter/homeschool/whatever) around here actually comes from people who have not sent their kids to these schools. The ones who tried a school with an open mind (like you)and switched are much more likely to chalk it up to "bad fit" than to "bad school."

People with closed minds have open mouths, I guess...

What a timely topic given where we're at currently.

And hello after rather a long absence - DH is having issues confronting his lack of real expertise in computer maintenance. And sometimes I need some time in my cave (or were we women supposed to have a well?).

DS6's public school has never full-grade accelerated a student before and the vibes we've had about it have not been particularly positive - the teacher we've asked for next year has assured me that she currently has some "very very" gifted children in her class who go up to the next grade for maths lessons, and I don't think she sees the need for anything more controversial. It's a small school with only 1 1/2 classes in his year, and I don't see any other kids in his year like him. But while I don't think the school quite understands what we're getting at, they have moved him up to Grade 1 three mornings a week and started giving him take-home readers (which seemed to effectively end the anger/unhappiness issues we'd been having). They've agreed to a multi-age 1/2 class for next year, and the receiving teacher has apparently decided to sign up for gifted ed training. That last really impressed me.

But this week I also had a tour of a reasonably nearby public school with GT specialisation, which doesn't feel particularly constrained by the calendar year batch and box system. Even with just a whirlwind tour the difference in the children and what they were learning was striking. They have a waiting list, but would put us at the top. On the other hand, what with the nature of the school and the area it's in, there's apparently a pretty competitive, results-focused culture among many parents. I'd heard this beforehand and one of the teachers said it does tend to be the case. I have no argument against parents who take that approach, but it's not my approach. And then, what with being of the left-greeny persuasion, I can't shake off a feeling of wrongness about the discrepancy between the facilities at the GT richer-area school and our current working class/migrant school. Would enrolling my children there make me a self-serving hypocrite? Or would not doing it be indulging my values at the expense of my children's best interests?

DH thinks I'm crazy. But then he's a "T" and I'm an "F", perhaps that's a critical difference. And I've been so constantly worried about all this for most of the year that I'm pretty sure I'm not functioning at my best re rational evaluation. I flip between anxiety, grief, denial and repetitively singing mournful Patsy Cline songs (relevance to education?). But either choice would see us lose something valuable - either a community school with a lot of heart and an apparent willingness to listen, or expertise and like minds.

My very best advice would be to re-read Hoagies' "Least-Worst Option" article: http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/least-worst.htm .

Then just do the best you can to make a good choice, and remember that your choice of school isn't a lifetime commitment. If you don't like what you choose, you can always try something else later. Very few choices are irrevocable.

Best wishes!

Then I guess you have to include me in the closed mind group. I'm not shy about saying that US public schools are failing our children --- by that, I mean ALL children, not just the 2% at the top of the IQ tests.

By any objective standard, our schools aren't doing their jobs. American students do poorly on international exams, are barely numerate, and have mediocre reading skills. Writing skills are mediocre at best. Watered-down multiple choice tests written by states are used to "prove" that schools are improving, yet there are no improvements on national or international tests. I don't have to send my kids to every public school in the country to know this stuff.

If the schools were getting better, most of the kids would do well on the tests with minimal preparation. They prepare like mad and still do poorly.

The California exit exam is written at a 7th-8th grade level overall, yet many students can't pass it on the first attempt in 10th grade ( check here ). Other state exams aren't much better. Many (not all!) teachers haven't mastered the subject matter they're supposed to be teaching. And meanwhile, some of our school boards are pushing creationism in science class. Etc. etc!

Sorry, and I'm not trying to be rude, but the problem isn't about fit. It's about poor schools, watered-down lockstep curricula, and anti-intellectualism. A child can be happy at school while still not learning much.

Like I said, I'm not trying to be rude. I'm blunt because nothing will change until people start accepting these facts and start looking for meaningful solutions.

Val