Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Do you ever question your parenting abilities?

I think maybe.

"Gifted" is just a word. It means that your child thinks differently than ND kids. But the specifics of how your child thinks and who your child is are still unique to your child. All GT kids are different. Generally GT kids are more similar to one another than they are to non-GT kids, but not always.

Labels like GT exist because they help us get what we need for our kids. They can work in your child's favor, so don't fight it if it helps you!

I have said before, you can call my kid GT, bright, academically advanced, or kjhksldfgj if it gets him taught! I don't care! Just give him what he needs! If schools everywhere taught all kids where they were, then labels wouldn't be necessary. But that's not the way the world is. So use whatever you need to get your child the education he deserves.

I think it helps if one thinks of Gifted as simple - 'having special educational needs that are not likely to be met in the regular classroom.'

Sure, many of our little ones have special needs at home, and in the community as well, but that seems to me to be more 'individual temperment' or 'personality' issues, but once they pass through the threshold of school, they NEED a lable, because schools are systems set up to deal with groups of students, and if the school isn't able to recognise a difference, and herd it into a group and give it a solution, they most kids will have real needs that aren't being met.

My hat is off to those wonderful children who can self-differentiate, who set themselves challenges and go after them. My goal is to turn my DS12 into one of those, but he just isn't, so far. I've seen kids who are self-motivated to do amazing things, but....why should only 5% of highly gifted kids grow up challenged and learning how to learn? Seems too harsh to me, particularly in view of the number of demands that ARE being made on kids in a school environment that don't contribute to these children's growth At All.

((stepping of soap box))

Grinity

At the risk of sounding cynical I have to interject that we all are subjected to labels throughout our lives. Others give us labels and we give ourselves labels. I agree with Kriston - the "name" doesn't really matter. It's what you do that matters, not what you call it.

I have found that the more I verbalize the word "gifted" the less foreign it sounds. And the more comfortable I get with that word the more comfortable I am with advocacy and figuring out what to do. I see the same thing happen with those I work with who are coming to terms with new diagnoses of disabilities. Until a new stroke patient comes to terms with the re-definition of themselves as "a stroke survivor" and all the residual effects of the stroke they struggle with denial and adjustment issues. They don't advocate for themselves, they fight the reality of their situation and struggle with emotional responses. You can draw the same parallel for any disability or label.

It is what is. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and swims like a duck, then it must be a duck. Once you realize it's a duck you can make that duck happy, because you finally stop treating him like he's a chicken!

And yes, to get back to the initial question, I have questioned my parenting abilities with each and every kid! Each child is a unique being with his/her unique needs. We have seven kids between us (DH and I) and questions always come up about what to do, how to handle this situation or that one. Just last night we had an intense discussion about MrWiggly and what to do for school. We had to remember that there are other children to consider also. Our decisions for him impact the whole family. Parenting is not a task to be undertaken lightly! But you just do the best you can with what you've got. And always strive to be better. That's all anyone can ask of themselves.

Go Debbie!
I remember that I used to cry and cry when reading the 'baby-version' of the Ugly Duckling story I had as a little kid. There sure seemed to be part of me that knew is wasn't a chicken and yearned for duck food and duck friends.

Of course I also cried at the HCA version of 'The littlest Mermaid' I wanted to have fly in the air with those girls who didn't care about being pretty or falling in love. They jsut wanted to be nice to every body. But I guess that's another story.

Grins

Unfortunately labels drive us toward thinking of our children as some kind of freaks. Everything in this world exists on a continuum. Our children happen to be at one end of the intelligence continuum.

I was speaking with a school director here whose school produced a film of The True Story of Kaluaiko`olau. Kaluaiko`olau is a historical figure. He contracted Hanson's disease (leprosy) and resisted territorial government efforts to force him to go to Kalaupapa. One of the things the students learned is NOT to refer to people as lepers. They are not the disease. As it was told to me, "You don't call someone cancer."

The same can be said of GT kids. They are NOT their intelligence or IQ, but rather people with high intellectual abilitlies.

That being said, yeah I am sometimes uncertain about my parenting abilities. It was easier when they were small and they spent their days in the home and it was just us. As they grow and have to go out into the world things get more complicated.

Uh, well...wow. I disagree. Strongly.

I have never and will never think of my kids as "freaks," and no word could ever lead me to that end.

Words are just words. The word "gifted" is neither a positive nor a negative term. It's a neutral, descriptive word. It's like calling a child "blonde" or "speedy" or "short-waisted." It doesn't contain any kind of judgement. People and context bring that to the term. It can just as easily mean "brilliant and charming" as it can "freak."

I'm not sure why that's where you go with the word, but it's not at all where I go with it! You do not speak for me in that "us" you're using!

I feel like a freak on alternate Thursdays...and I'm starting to like the feeling!

Personally, I feel fine with the label "gifted". I feel comfortable referring to "the gifted." I don't think there is a negative connotation there like there is with "leper" or "freak".

It's difficult to talk about a group of people (such as the gifted) without having some kind of label for what we mean.

I think this topic has come up before--is there a better label? I have also seen terms like "highly intellectually able" or "high ability" being used. Are those preferable?

I think it's the anti-intellectual backlash, so any term will be seen as negative.

I really think we have to get past that if we want to have any power to advocate at a higher level then one-on-one at schools for our own kids. But if we reject all labels, then we are saying that our kids aren't a group, that they aren't more alike than different, and that weakens our ability to get systemic changes made.

Is my kid just exactly like every other kid discussed on this forum? No. But could the system be changed in ways that would improve the educational system for all our kids, whatever you call them, and whatever their differences? Heck, yes! And without a label, those systemic changes will never happen.

I'll say it again: labels are tools. They either get kids what they need or they keep kids from getting what they need. But simply refusing to use the tools doesn't change the system or help the kids. You can't win if you don't play by the rules. Labels are the rules. Use them to your advantage.

I agree completely, Kriston . Maybe I'm okay with the label of gifted because I attended "special" gifted classes as a kid, where all of the advanced kids where tracked together in the public school. From 7th grade on, I did not attend a single class in school that was not solely for the gifted kids. So all of the kids that I hung out with and were friends with were gifted. Gifted to me was a normal part of growing up.

However, my son came home from 1st grade asking what a freak was. I know that gifted kids are called names. But I explained it to my son this way: It is really no different than calling a person with glasses four-eyes. It says more about the name caller than it does about the intended target. Once my son understood this, he has completely ignored the labels, and for the most part, it has stopped completely.

So I agree that labels are useful tools in order to get the school to provide appropriate educational services. I am reminded of the movement in the 1970's (I think it was the 70's?) where moms of the intellectually challenged kids banded together to call attention to the needs of their children, thus starting the special education movement. It really was just a statement that any child outside of the bell curve needs a curriculum that is tailored to their needs. Our gifted kids may seem to be worlds away from the kids on the opposite side of the bell curve. And yet their needs are quite similar.

It is just curious to me that no one cried favoritism when "special education" was invented for kids on the lower side of the IQ scale. And yet this is exactly the same word that was used to do away with tracking of gifted kids in the public school system. <heavy sigh>

It is a very complicated world when you have to add egos, both bruised and inflated, as well as the jealousy that follows, into the mix.