Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Meeting with Teachers Friday Help my 17 year old

Hi Everyone....
I am new to this board and have learned a lot in the past two days of cramming. To make along story short I have a meeting with my 11th graders teachers friday concerning his grades. He is failing 3 subjects, including Art-his favorite. BUT has an A in Geometry-he says it is too easy. His IQ is exceptional-they won't tell me the # and he is considered cognitvely gifted. We tried a pull out gited program in 3 and 4th grade-he was bored with it and hated missing his regular subjects. Back then (and now) we went through the "Do the easy stuff and they will give you hard stuff". That didn't work-it just gave him more work to do- the easy and then the hard. Most times he didn't even want to do the easy to get the hard.

He has never gotten straight A's, in fact his grades have been pretty bad since 7th. He even failed WOrld History last year (again-one of his best subjects). The teachers and School Psycologist consider him an "Underachiever".

My son is frustrated and says he is always bored (at home and school). Although he has been saying that since 2nd grade. He is NOT doing his homework-doesn't seem to care. Nothing I do makes any difference. He doesn't even want to do his weekly art sketches-says teacher always gives him a D. (He really is a great artist) and wants to drop Art.

The school is talking about disciplinary action (ISS, etc) if he doesn't start handing in his homework (after a week and a half of pressure from everyone nothing has changed in his attitude).

I am at my wits end and am so frustrated. I read here on this board about some colleges taking early admissions but with his grades he probably wouldn't qualify.

There is a lot more I could say but my fingers can't type quick to enough to say it all.

If anyone has any suggestions for the meeting friday morning I'd appreciate it.

I think that legally you (and your son) have a right to this information under FERPA.

My kids are a lot younger, so I don't have a lot of advice for you. Hopefully, the parents of teenagers will see your post!

Your son certainly sounds very discouraged and unhappy, which can happen to any teen and gifted teens are not immune, especially if they do not feel like they fit in or if they are not able to use their gifts. I am actually wondering if he is experiencing depression.

When you meet on Friday, will there be a counselor there? I think it might make sense to address this as a counseling/mental health issue rather than a discipline/motivation issue. If there is no counselor there on Friday, I would arrange a meeting with a school counselor or other mental health professional to discuss what is going on, especially the fact that he seems to no longer enjoy the things he used to enjoy--that is an indication that it may be more than just "underachieving". Even if this is over-reacting I would definitely take the better safe than sorry approach in a situation like this.

Good luck!

I agree with acs for getting a handle on this latest nose-dive in behavior.

Our school system will not give us copies of test results, but we can get a meeting and come in and take notes. Its weird in my opinion, but at least we can get the info. You might inquire if this is the case rather than a hard and fast "no test results".

What does he want to do?

If it is college, think outside the box.
This sounds very interesting:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_Springs_College

and this:
http://www.cooper.edu/administration/admissions/Welcome.html
(every undergrad student receives full tuition.)

I am sure there are other options as well.

Very very best of luck to you and your ds.

Hi FMO,
So glad you are here.

Question #1 - if the work is challenging, how does your son react?

Question #2 - has he done any academic summer camps?

Question #3 - Does he have any special interests that he works hard on?

Question #4 - Do you suspect any 'learning disability' type issues?

Question #5 - Do you have the cash to 'fly to the best' and 'hire a specialist?' If so, I know that Dr. Deb Ruf in Minnasota not only specializes in understanding the 'levels of giftedness' but also the college selection process.

Question #6 - How old was your son when he first took the SATs? Were his scores 'impressive?'

Question #7 - Do you feel that your son is 'mature' enough to 'go away' to college? Some boarding schools offer a 'Post-High School' year for kids who need to 'learn how to learn' in a more structured environment.

Question #8 - Have you heard the phrase 'Gap Year' - when the child takes a year between high school and college to do a program of some kind, often involving travel and social action?

My son is 12, Highly/Profoundly gifted, and has a single grade skip. You could be discribing so many of my relatives. I've been thinking a lot about 'what to do' if he 'runs out of High School' before he's emotionally ready to go to College. In my opinion about 95% of my freshman classmates, including myself, weren't 'ready' for College, and on some days, I think that the enviornment is so 'odd' that it's no suprise that there is so much acting out.

It seems to me that the older my child gets, the less maturity is expected of his age-mates.

((shrugs and hugs))
Grinity

WOW;;;
Lots of good questions.. here goes:
1: He can go either way-not to it at all or do it in 5 minutes. Either way he says he is bored.
2: No academic summer camps.
3: He loves to draw-UNTIL now. He claims his Art teacher gives him low grades no matter good his work is (I tend to agree)-that is IF he even turns it in. He is getting discouraged.
4: LD is not suspected and has never been an issue.
5: No cash..
6: He has never taken the SAT.
7: Immature for boarding school. Did check into Deep Springs-sounds like something he needs.
8: I took a year off before going to college. Right now I am more worried that he won't graduated-will flunk out. Just checked his grades-2 days ago he had an F in only one class-now it is in 3.


He is a quiet kid-into books and computers. I cannot see him in college hanging out with all the popular kids in the sorority house. He's be in his room reading or playing PC game.

With his bad grades, I can't see the school agreeing to a grade skip, which they don't do anyway. Tried that in 4th grade-no dice they said.


Thanks for making me think with all your questions. You should check this out for your son too
http://www.deepsprings.edu/?cat=home&page=index

Cool!

Glad my question made you think -
here's some ideas -
1: If he can do work which has been judged 'challenging' by someone in 5 minutes, then it isn't challenging for him. As kids get more and more discouraged over years of not being challenged, their readiness level (material that is neither too had nor too easy) shrinks so that at first glance 'everything' seems too hard or too easy. Sounds like where you are now. Progress is able to be appreciated when you see DS taking on projects that are more difficult.

3: Is there a local community college where he can take Drawing classes and get financial aid?

5: Is there a local-ish university with anyone there you can talk to for free? Check with your state Gifted Association and talk to everyone you can. Are you the outgoing, talk to anyone type? If not, you may never have as much motivation to streach - but I know it's harder than I can imagine. Also - send an email to your state's department of education 'Gifted Liason.'

8: Can you 'transfer' him to homeschooling and then just negotiate with him some guidelines as to how to spend his time?

I wish you had a chance to observe him amoung is 'actual' peers - lots of quiet appearing kids suddenly 'warm up' once they are with folks who 'get their jokes.' Of course, not all! What are his favorite books and computer games? does he chat with other kids over the PC who are also playing the games? Some PC games have 'little' jobs availible for 17 year olds for a year.

Would this make him drool?
http://www.scad.edu/animation/

they have an online option - http://www.scad.edu/about/college/scadelearning.cfm

Good luck with the meeting - my prayers will be with you. It's perfectly ok to type more and more here while you unfold all this.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Hi Frustrated,

Our son was the same way. I, too, think you have a legal right to the IQ reading. We found his out by hiring a psychologist to test. Our son was an underacheiver with one of 153. He hated school until he got into a sci tech H.S. What about sending him to a community college, or jr. college is another name for it, near your house? Then, he could transfer to a 4yr. for his jr. year. If he knows what career he wants, getting him a mentor/volunteer in that area may inspire him to work for that goal. It's possible that jr. coll. would accept him once they see his IQ and if he tests in the upper 90's %. Our son's classroom grades weren't stellar (failed to hand hw in) but the SAT's and other data got him in. I recommend having him take the SAT's. You'd probably be surprised at the results. Here our son was, making c's and d's in 6th grade, yet getting into the Johns Hopkins SAT program in 6th grade, scoring above the average h.s. jr. I hope this might encourage you. I thought I'd pull my hair out. I was so frustrated for so long that I quipped, "Get ready to pump gas for the rest of your life." He's 27 and earning a Ph.d. There is hope once they find their true peer group.

I wish I had visited the board earlier to lend you some support. I'm hoping you'll log on and let us know how the meeting went. Maybe we can all help you with the next step.

oh I feel so bad for you!

Make him go out and try out real life. Find some interest away and outside of school. Something he's good at and will have to be responsible for.... like being a big brother, having a job, making art and trying to sell it on sites like etsy.com. Something that is his...... all his, he made, he built, he did. It may give him a point.

I can tell you first hand..........there is real confidence that comes from making art and selling it. It is very validating, empowering. Someone wants something you made with your head and hands hanging on there wall. They have to look at it everyday. They give you money for it. It can be very intoxicating.