Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Not trying

And to understand in the first place. Dooblebug I'm reasonably confident that I could cope with the challenges of the first three items on your list, though not necessarily in a way that would leave anyone gasping with admiration at my efficiency. But weaving that last one into the mix is what I find most daunting, especially when there are all the other personalities that need to be woven in as well: the teachers, friends, relatives etc who impact on/are impacted on by my children. And particularly when a significant amount of their time is spent away from me.

Josh, you advise not despairing. Although it's a stronger word than I would use, I don't necessarily agree with the conclusion of the article that JoJo linked to, which suggested that there are many paths to fulfillment without success at school. Schooling opens up opportunities (learning and life) which may not be achievable any other way for many people, particularly if their confidence has been eroded by their school experience. And if the 50% of successful (whatever that means exactly) Americans who didn't arrive via schooling are mostly confident, entrepreneurial extroverts, then the statistic isn't a particularly shining ray of hope for badly bruised introverts.

I'm quite taken with the idea of recognition for effort and think it makes a lot of sense, so was a little surprised on the weekend when a GT event organised by our local group finished with marking and then giving out of prizes for the highest marks!

I think hindsight is 20/20, obviously. You have the benefit of knowing the successful outcome, perhaps even a result because of the hardships. Parenting is difficult in that most place the importance of their child over everything. When the child is having troubles, you don't have the benefit of knowing the end result.



This one is difficult for me as well. More so upon remembering my *cherished* school day memories!

But I've come to realize I have absolutely no control over what impacts them when they are away from me. The only thing I can do is teach them how to deal with those things, good and bad.

I'm not quite sure what you are disagreeing with.

I am not arguing that other paths are not hugely simpler! But a path that is both far simpler, but inaccessible, does little good.

There is a large difference between "schooling" and "success in schooling," for one thing. Telling a 14 or 17 or 20 year old that s/he is doomed because s/he lacked the ability to perform academically is both unwise and in error.

It is unwise, because it leads to further undermining of the very confidence that you are talking about. It's in error because, while the paths are often bumpier, there are ways to succeed in this world without academic success.

Extroversion is a less necessary component for later success than confidence is - but confidence does not have to be based on schooling and, in fact, mostly should not be. Confidence in one's ability to learn can be developed regardless of schools, and for those students for whom schooling is problematic, regardless of which reason or reasons that might be, it is essential.

It is not enough to say school is important - there are many gifted kids who are never going to be gifted students, and for whom school represents an obstacle more than an opportunity. There are many gifted kids, gifted parents, gifted adults for whom despair is not too strong a term.

It is to them and their parents that I was speaking. School cannot be the only path to personal success. And it is not.

I'm reading the book The Art of Learning by Josh Waitzkin. I highly recommend it to parents/guardians of gifted children -- especially if they didn't grow up gifted themselves.

Josh Waitzkin was a chess child prodigy. You may remember the book & movie Searching for Bobby Fisher. That was about him.

In the first part of the book, Josh describes in vivid detail the passion he had for chess as a child including points when he stalled out and didn't want to pursue his study of chess. I found it very enlightening in terms of what it's like to be profoundly gifted. I think understanding and accepting the ebb and flow of life will aleviate some parents' anxiety about their gifted child stalling out, taking a break, refusing to do/learn as much or as fast as the parent thinks the child can/should.

Josh also contrasts two approaches to learning. One that is goal/achievement/end-state oriented. And another that is process oriented. It's the process approach that leads to mastery and away from perfectionism. A much healthier approach.

OK, what is up with your avatar ^^???
Halloween or love of anatomy?

Do not have time to read the entire thread now, but wanted to add something that seems significant to me.

The kid has more interest in approaching the challenge if it is shared with intellectual peers.

Seems that my kid is much more interested then. Take today - He has been invited to the meeting of an ARML club. He kind of felt obligated to attend, since the e-mail came personally to him. We said - go to this one meeting, see how you like it and then make your decision. He muttered something about "chores" on Saturday but went. Came back all happy , saying he is going to attend regularly. Why? He already knows 7 out of 14 people from a different math club, they are all smarter than him and he wants to rise to the challenge, he wants to be able to contribute (I think that they solve problems as a team there).

Good point, Ania. This is getting away from what Josh is trying to say, but I've seen DD8 getting burned out on dissappointing experiences. I'm not sure exactly why, but I have a few theories. I literally had to demand that she try one or two things that I knew WOULD be an intellectually appropriate situation for her in order to OVERCOME her blase attitude. In each case, she came home excited as well.

((shrug))