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    Joined: Sep 2008
    Posts: 9
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    I am reading my son's story over and over on these boards. He's 10, we knew he was smart all along. Verbally, the kid can out talk a lawyer and bring them to their knees if he wants. I've resorted to some pretty tough refusals to argue with my child about anything at all.

    He scored in the 99% on the WASI - between 133 and 145 were his ranging IQ scores. I see now that may not really be his IQ from what I read.

    He will NOT do his classwork. He draws in class all day, aces the tests and comes home with hours of homework (all the classwork from the day). He now lives on a short leash - he does the work or has no fun. He has been through a lot lately with the separation and divorce of his father and I, and then consequently the immediate finding of a girlfriend, marrying her and now my kids have 2 step siblings and a step mom - all in the span of a year.

    HOWEVER. He used that information to concoct some serious schemes. He spent hours divising a way to run off step mom. He takes any opportunity in public with her to scream "she's abusing me" and/or runs off and hides on her. He told dad a boatload of lies about me, and me a boatload of lies about dad. His behavior was so out of control he ended up inpatient at a psych ward for two weeks. His dad and I ended up gaining some very awesome parenting tools for kids like my son. It has made a lot of improvements in both homes - but of course he had to stake somewhere and so he's refusing to do his work at school.

    Last year's teacher told us not to put him in GATE because it's just more work. This year's teacher says "oh my bad choice - he needs far more challenge than we can give him". I don't want him to go to the GATE school here, it's in a bad area and I'd have to pay for the bus (I work full time).

    I read a book that I can't recommend enough. while it says it's for kids with conduct disorder (which is what everyone is saying my son may have) - I think it fits squarely with kids who are so smart they just decide they can do whatever they want, whenever they want. While the conduct disorder symptoms fit my son mostly - what didn't fit was the fact that he does care about others, he's actually very caring when he's not angry with someone. He can be super sensitive, sweet and gentle - even protective of his little brother.

    Dad is also gifted, as is uncle, grandfather and great uncles (two of them). Brother is mildly gifted and twice gifted. Younger brother (5) appears to be in the super high range like my middle son (the one I'm discussing).

    I have put him in dance and that's the only off-limits behavior tie I have. This past weekend he spent 1.5 days in the house with nothing to do because I told him "no playing until you catch up your work". So finally Sat. nite he does 4 days of math work in 1 hour, then Sun am he does 2 days of comprehension in 10 minutes and finally earned the right to go play. Talk about banging your head on a wall!!!

    What do I do with this kid? Middle school is 6th grade here (next year) and if he acts like this he'll fail. Last year it was so bad they were talking about holding him back and the teacher said "no way - you can't hold this kid back". He was put in school early, he's already a year younger than everyone else in the class (he just turned 10 - most of the 5th graders here turn 11 during the year).

    Any advice? And I love the post about the verbal leading down a path. I swear this kid could take any situation and verbally describe it in such a way as to make you go "wait, what really happened here?" My new saying? "I don't want to hear your explanation, stop talking". If I don't do that, he will talk for hours in circles.

    Joined: Apr 2006
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    Hi,
    It sounds like you have a very frustrating situation with your gifted son.

    If I were in your position, I might try contacting a college professor for a subject your son finds intriguing and ask to visit a session or two. Hopefully, your son will find it worthwhile and you can begin a dialogue of why it is necessary to jump through the various hoops to get to the level he wants. If he plays along, he may even get the chance to skip a few steps.

    If he refuses to play the game, his options could be limited, at least in the immediate future.

    Joined: Sep 2008
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    Your son sounds a bit like my daughter last year, although he has had a lot more to deal with emotionally. I can't help with any of the family dynamic issues, but I will share what seems to be working for her behavior issues. This time last year, we didn't even know there were levels of giftedness, and the school was treating her issues as a behavior problem (in fact, they suggested she could be ADHD or bipolar). I can't tell you how many times we spent a weekend cancelling all of our fun family plans so she could get caught up on her schoolwork - it was terrible! We had been trying to support the teacher, doing whatever she wanted us to do - punishments, incentives - none of it worked for more than a week or so. Finally, her Gifted Teacher (pullout program only 2.5 hours/wk) tested her IQ, and we had our explanation.

    Have you told your son that he is in an upper level of giftedness? We did not tell our daughter her score, but explained the different levels and that people in the upper levels need even more challenging work than the pullout program. We started treating her differently at home, including working to stretch her mentally in math, reading with her, which she loves, science, etc. We decided on a minimum amount of things she had to get done on time (ie brush teeth and hair), and started being flexible with everything else. We then re-vamped our summer, putting her in a gifted camp, adding piano lessons, swim lessons, and gymastics (anything interesting to her in which she could excel at her own pace). She blossomed, and within a month was her old (prior to 1st grade) self. Fast forward to now, a month or so into 3rd grade. She is having some issues in school even with the curriculum changes they are making (including subject acceleration), but I'm thrilled to say that she's still great at home (and school issues are less often). No homework battles or anything. She was home sick one day a week or so ago, and while I worked from home, she chose to spend her day doing science experiments, reading nonfiction, playing piano and skipping around the house happy as can be. She even voluntarily cleaned up around the house a bit (I was so shocked - she really hates house chores). Now if I can get her school to stop considering her a behavior problem and continue to improve the curriculum for her, I think she'll be able to decide for herself how much of her potential she wants to reach.

    I wish I had stopped considering the school the "experts" sooner and listened to my intuition, or better yet, my daughter. She had been telling me over and over that the work was too easy. Have you asked your son what is going on with him? I'm always amazed at how insightful my daughter is when I actually listen to her.

    Anyway, I hope this helps. Good luck.

    Joined: Sep 2008
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    My mom actually suggested the professor route. What is funny is that I'm in school (online) for my BS in accounting. My son is constantly asking to do my work!? I don't have the time to teach it to him - but I have no doubt he could do it.

    I'm going to look into any programs they might have here. I'm near Sacramento State (near enough) - I bet they may have something.

    I like the idea about challenging him more. He loves science experiments (my kitchen doesn't LOL) and he is constantly "building" things out of junk and stuff. I put him in dance to have an outlet and he's thrilled with dance.

    So far, clamping down is beginning to have an effect. He got his work done today, all except 15 problems and that was with tooling around town tonight for hours trying to get my youngest son into an after hours clinic (he's fine though).

    Anyway, I will see if they have anything. Also, I'm going to see if there are activity books with interesting educational stuff. In 2nd grade the issue was that he was done with his work so fast, then he'd distract the entire class with his antics. I got him an activity book and he was allowed to do that in the interim and he enjoyed it.

    Thanks everyone!

    Joined: Jun 2008
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    Sounds like you are starting to find some outlets for all his mental and physical energy. We are loaded up this fall with after school activities, and I figured we'd have to probably cut something back. But (and this is very tentative) something seems to be clicking. DS is less grumpy now we're into week 3 of our hectic schedule. He has no time to dilly-dally with the homework, and just hits it hard and gets it done. My ds is not at your son's level so we surely have an easier time in general, but he dances and takes tae kwon do...and we just signed him up for one of the dance school's productions. I think so far these things are helping (all his choices).
    I am expecting to hit a wall at some point, but I am going to see how things go. Best of luck to you in your pursuit of happiness or at least balance. smile


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