Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Schedule meeting with teacher (brainstorming)

Ditto to what has already been said. I'd suggest using this meeting to let the teacher tell you what she knows and how she sees your son. My biggest advocacy tip: be friends. You want the teachers on your team! It's never good to establish an adversarial relationship with that teacher.

Just a BTDT story now. My son was also early entrance into first. He was also 5 years 5 months when he started (March bday, perchance?!). After 6 weeks of first grade MrWiggly asked, "When does second grade start?" When I told him not until the next year he said, "WHAT?! But I'm *through* with first grade already! Why do I have to wait so long for second??!"

Out of the mouths of babes. Good luck - the fun has just begun!

I'm reading this thread with interest - lots of good suggestions. I do have a quick question for JBDad, though (or anyone else, really): What is the best way to set up the initial meeting?

When I ask this, really what I'm wondering is: How do you characterize what you'd like to meet about, and at what level of detail? Is it sufficient just to request a meeting "to find out how he's doing", especially if you mostly intend to listen to what the teacher has to say? And how far into the semester is it appropriate to wait? (DS is only in his second week.)

Our situation is slightly different from JB's, since our DS is only 4.2. He's in a mixed mid-K/K class. They don't have anything like homework (a blessing!), but the downside is that we really don't know what they're doing in class. It's clear that they don't do anything in math or reading that comes close to challenging DS, but the question is what they are doing and whether DS is getting something out of it. That's really what we'd like to find out. Will the teacher expect us to wait until parent/teacher conferences in Nov to find this out? I guess what I'm saying is that I'm encouraged by all the meetings with teachers that people seem to be having, but I want to know what the standards are for having them.

Can you say "first-time parent"?!

BB

Hey, BBDad, I think EVERYONE here was once a first time parent! Good questions you ask.

I would suggest that you just initiate contact with the teacher in whatever way seems most natural - either face to face when picking up/dropping off a child, email or note, phonecall or whatever. Simply state that you are very curious to know more about curriculum and what the day is like for your son and would like to have a chance to chat. Is there any sort of "back to school night" or PTO night where parents go from class to class? Our school does this and it's when the teachers present an informal review of classroom rules, curriculum, etc. You get to look through your kids desk and see the room.

If the school doesn't do that prior to conference time then maybe you'd like to set up a 15 to 30 minute meeting to have the teacher do that for you and share a little about how she sees your son progressing.

There's no reason to wait for conference time, in my opinion. Most all teachers expect parents to initiate the contact if they have concerns or questions. They may be taken by surprise simply because most parents don't do that! Just be respectful of the teacher's time demands and keep the meetings brief with a specific purpose. It's always good to get to know the teacher!

Sounds amazingly reasonable, Debbie. Thanks! We do have a "back to school night" next week, but I assume that all the parents will be there then, so probably it won't be a good time to get individual feedback. Maybe it's worth it to wait another week or two and then set up a short meeting. Over the summer, before we met the teacher, the principal told us that she (the teacher) would spend the first few weeks evaluating DS and then come up with a plan for making sure he gets reasonable accommodations. So perhaps after a couple of weeks it will be appropriate to ask what she thinks. I'm just so nervous about being one of "those parents" that I'm practically afraid to set it up!

BB

BBDad: we had a good "in" to set up this meeting. Since DS was granted access into first grade, we contacted the teacher via email with the premise on making sure that DS is fitting well, etc.

We definitely have to build the relationship with the teacher because she's part of the gifted evaluation process and we're not done with that yet.

We're not going to have much time though. At first I thought 30 minutes. It'll likely be 15 or 20 so this might just be the first meeting with a follow up later...

JB

JB: Yes, that seems like a good way to think about it - what is your "in". What is the reason, in other words, that it is appropriate for you to want to take the teacher's time? Our "in" won't be based on a skip, like yours, but rather on the prior arrangements with the principal. But it has been really helpful for me to see that that's what's at stake in setting up the meeting. It should have been obvious to me (D'oh! Slaps forehead) but thanks to you guys for helping me work it through.

Good luck, JB, on your meeting. Is it coming up soon?

BB

Open house tonight (probably won't get much face time) and then first thing Friday AM.

Gotten a lot of good ideas here...

JB

JB -
I like the plan of going in 'only' to listen to 'where the teacher is at' and make an appointment to have an other meeting.

OTOH, You should bring handwritten Math samples to show what level he is at. I think that you should also go to the Saxon Math website, figure out what level he is at, and buy the next few levels of Math workbooks that are at his challenge level.

If all goes well, then you can have your son work in his workbooks while the rest of the class does 'their math.' If it doesn't then you can use them at home. I'm a big fan of making the kids work at their readiness level, even if it's only 10 minutes a day, with a parent or friend afterschool, just to get them 'in the groove' of 'yes, they will be expected to work above and beyond, fair or not!'

This is one of those 'do as I wish I had done' advices.

Good luck!
Grinity

Hi JB-

Don't have anything else to add except moral support. You are doing great, just stay the course. As you may recall I had a little incident a few weeks ago when after a year and a half of solid and steady advocation (with a few good results I might add) when the teacher basically said she didn't know about her being gifted but we'll see what the CogAt results are:

As evidence by all the green faces, I basically snapped! In front of two teachers AND the principal I TOTALLY FREAKED OUT! I yelled at all of them and then I cried!

Ultimately, it all blew over and they still even actually talk to me if you can imagine. Things are going well with the girls, onward we march.

Obviously, you will do much better than me! But even in the off chance the meeting doesn't go just like you'd expect it to, that's fine. Just keep doing what you're doing. You've had excellent results so far and your teacher sounds very receptive, that's so great!

Let us know how it goes, I love seeing all the success stories lately!

Neato

Here's what I've been learning in a practical way recently: people are most motivated when they have ownership of an idea.

I agree with suggestions to let the teacher do a lot of talking. If you come to her asking for input and help, she may be more responsive than if you approach her saying or even indirectly implying that your son is bored. This can interpreted negatively ("They said I'm a boring teacher!!") I'm not saying it's MEANT that way. I'm saying it can be INTERPRETED that way.

If she comes up with a creative idea to help him feel challenged and feels that she has ownership of something that will really help one of her students, she'll be more likely to be enthusiastic about the extra effort required. You might be able to inspire some ideas by mentioning, for example, how far his writing has come in only a week. Lots of brainy activities also help writing.

Gifted kids are different. HG+ kids are really, really different. I have to stop now but want to get into some of my recents thoughts about this idea this evening.

Val